The art of small talk: 10 phrases that great conversationalists always use

Small talk often gets a bad reputation. People dismiss it as meaningless chatter, a polite dance before the “real” conversation begins. But here’s the truth: small talk is an art. It’s how strangers become acquaintances, and how acquaintances become friends.

In my own life, I used to dread small talk. I’d overthink what to say, or worry that I sounded boring. But over time — through interviewing people, writing about human psychology, and just living — I realized that great conversationalists aren’t born that way. They use small talk intentionally, to make others feel seen, safe, and valued.

Here are 10 simple phrases that can transform the way you connect with people — and make you the kind of person others love talking to.

1. “How’s your day been so far?”

Most people ask, “How are you?” and get a one-word answer. But “How’s your day been so far?” opens a different door. It invites detail, reflection, and warmth.

I first noticed this difference when talking to café owners in Saigon — the ones who genuinely cared never asked, “How are you?” They asked about your day. And suddenly, you’d find yourself talking about the small wins and frustrations of real life.

It’s a phrase that grounds the moment and makes the other person feel heard — a simple way to turn surface-level politeness into genuine connection.

2. “That reminds me of something similar I went through...”

Great conversationalists create bridges, not walls. When someone shares something personal, responding with a quick “me too” can sound like one-upmanship — but gently relating through shared experience builds empathy.

This phrase works best when followed by something short and real, not a monologue. You’re saying: I get you. I’ve been there. It’s how we build the trust that allows deeper topics to unfold naturally.

3. “What made you decide to…?”

This question is pure gold. It turns any conversation from static to story.

When someone tells you they live in a certain place, work in a certain field, or just ordered something unusual, ask “What made you decide to…?”

Psychologists call this “narrative elicitation” — inviting people to tell the story behind their choices. Humans love sharing their why, and this phrase does exactly that. It’s not small talk anymore; it’s storytelling.

4. “That sounds like it meant a lot to you.”

One of the most beautiful things you can do in a conversation is mirror emotion.

When you pick up on how someone feels — proud, hurt, nostalgic, or relieved — and reflect it back gently, you create a safe space for authenticity.

I learned this from a friend who’s an incredible listener. He doesn’t give advice right away. He says things like, “That sounds like it really mattered to you.” And suddenly, people open up in ways they rarely do.

Empathy is powerful — and often, it’s expressed best in small talk.

5. “You know what I love about that?”

This is a phrase that radiates warmth. It’s how great conversationalists make people feel appreciated for sharing.

Instead of jumping in with your opinion, you highlight something positive — the effort, the intention, the humor.

I once used this phrase in a chat with a taxi driver who told me about the long hours he worked to support his kids. I said, “You know what I love about that? You’re showing them what hard work looks like.” He smiled, looked genuinely touched, and for the rest of the ride, we talked like old friends.

Sometimes, all people need is a bit of recognition.

6. “That’s such an interesting way to look at it.”

We live in a time when everyone wants to be right — but great conversationalists don’t aim to win, they aim to explore.

This phrase validates without agreeing. It tells the other person that you value their perspective, even if it’s different from yours.

When I use it, I often notice a visible shift — the other person relaxes. The conversation deepens. The energy moves from debate to curiosity.

7. “How did that make you feel?”

It’s simple, yet deeply human.

Asking “How did that make you feel?” invites emotion into the room. It’s the difference between talking about something and truly connecting through it.

It’s also a sign of emotional intelligence — the ability to tune into another person’s inner world. People remember conversations where they felt understood more than conversations where they were impressed.

This phrase gives others permission to be real.

8. “I never thought about it that way before.”

Most people think being interesting is what makes a great conversationalist. But it’s actually being interested.

When you say, “I never thought about it that way before,” you’re signaling humility and curiosity — two traits that instantly make people feel respected.

In fact, social psychology research shows that people who ask follow-up questions and express curiosity are consistently rated as more likable. This phrase does both, naturally.

9. “You seem really passionate about this.”

Everyone lights up when they feel seen.

When you notice someone’s energy rising as they talk about a hobby, a job, or a cause, name it. Say, “You seem really passionate about this.”

This phrase makes the other person feel understood on an emotional level. It also deepens the flow of conversation because passion is contagious.

In my experience, the best chats — the ones that make time disappear — always start with a spark of genuine interest like this.

10. “It’s been great talking with you.”

It might sound simple, but how you end a conversation matters as much as how you start it.

People remember how you make them feel — especially in the final moments. Saying “It’s been great talking with you” leaves warmth lingering in the air. It’s polite, yes, but it also signals that you valued the exchange.

Too often, we rush to close conversations without closure. This one phrase ensures you leave a lasting impression — and an open door for the next chat.

My own turning point

For years, I was the guy who avoided small talk. I found it awkward, pointless — something to “get through.”

But after moving between Australia, Singapore, and Vietnam, I realized how wrong I was. Small talk isn’t filler; it’s cultural glue. It’s the moment when two humans, from completely different worlds, say to each other: “I see you.”

Now, I actually enjoy it. Whether it’s chatting with a security guard, a Grab driver, or a barista, I find meaning in those tiny exchanges.

Because connection doesn’t start with grand gestures. It starts with “How’s your day been so far?” and ends with “It’s been great talking with you.”

Final thought: Conversation as mindfulness

In many ways, small talk is a form of mindfulness. When you listen fully, respond kindly, and stay curious, you’re not just talking — you’re present.

As I write this, I’m reminded of a core idea from my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego: presence is power. The moment you stop trying to impress people and start trying to connect with them, everything changes.

Every smile, every moment of shared laughter, every “small” exchange — they add up.

So the next time you find yourself reaching for the right words, remember: great conversationalists don’t speak perfectly. They speak authentically. And that’s what makes people want to talk to them again and again.