I felt stuck in life at 35, so i made these 8 changes that transformed everything

I’d just turned 35 when the uncomfortable truth landed: I wasn’t unhappy, but I was stuck. Business was profitable, my wife and I were expecting our first child, and on paper life looked charmed.

Yet I woke up each morning with a subtle heaviness—as if momentum had slipped through my fingers. Success had become maintenance, and maintenance felt like quicksand.

So I treated the malaise like an experiment. For 90 days I tested one small change each week, kept whatever noticeably lifted my energy or clarity, and discarded what didn’t. Eight habits stuck.

A year later the fog is gone, my relationships are deeper, and—somewhat ironically—our business is stronger than ever.

Below is exactly what I changed, why it works from a psychological (and often Buddhist) angle, and the research that convinced me it wasn’t just placebo.

1. I embraced shoshin—the beginner’s mind

I’d spent a decade acting like an “expert” in digital publishing. The label became a prison: experts don’t ask naïve questions. Shifting to the Zen concept of shoshin meant approaching each task—marketing data, Vietnamese tones, even father‑to‑be nerves—as if I’d never seen it before.

The result was instant cognitive flexibility and a surprising jolt of creativity. Research shows that consciously cultivating a beginner’s mind correlates with greater openness and adaptability, exactly the traits we need to learn new skills and escape ruts.

2. I anchored every morning with 12 minutes of mindfulness

I’d meditated sporadically for years, but “whenever I feel like it” translates to “never” when you’re busy. Setting a phone timer for a non‑heroic 12 minutes right after waking created a floor, not a ceiling. Meta‑analytic data confirm that even short, daily mindfulness sessions reduce stress and boost subjective well‑being across occupations and age groups.

Buddhist layer: Each inhale/exhale became a tiny practice of anatta (non‑self)—reminding me that thoughts are events, not identity. That shift alone dissolved half the anxiety I’d labeled “entrepreneurial pressure.”

3. I staged a 7‑day digital detox—and kept the best parts

The experiment was simple: uninstall all social apps, block analytics dashboards, and hand my team WhatsApp access for urgent issues. By day four my resting mind felt quieter than it had in years.

A 2023 state‑of‑the‑art review links deliberate breaks from digital media to measurable gains in mood, sleep, and perceived control. I now practice “analog Saturdays”: no screens until evening. Productivity hasn’t dropped; creativity has spiked.

4. I scheduled “deep friendship” appointments

Loneliness hides in plain sight when you’re always “on.” I began inviting two friends each week for a 45‑minute phone or coffee catch‑up—no agenda. The calls felt indulgent at first; soon they felt like oxygen.

Converging meta‑analyses show that strong social connection predicts better mental and physical health and even longevity; isolation does the opposite.

Tip: I literally put these chats in Google Calendar. If it isn't scheduled, modern life will steal the slot.

5.  rewrote my goals to be self‑concordant

Many of my targets—traffic numbers, revenue milestones—were adopted from industry chatter, not inner values.

Following self‑determination theory, I reframed objectives around autonomy and growth: “publish articles I’d be proud to show my daughter in 20 years” replaced “hit 50 million pageviews.”

Studies on self‑concordant goals show that when ambitions align with intrinsic motives, persistence and well‑being rise while burnout falls.

Buddhist layer: The shift mirrors right intention—pursuing aims rooted in compassion and authenticity rather than ego‑inflation.

6. I traded intensity for consistency in exercise

In my 20s I chased personal‑best 10 km times; injuries followed. At 35 the aim became “move daily, respect the body.” I committed to 40 minutes of moderate activity—cycling when my Achilles complained, easy runs when it behaved.

A 2024 systematic review in BMJ found that regular exercise produced moderate antidepressant effects, comparable with psychotherapy for mild depression. Mood wins every time I lace up.

7. I protected one “learning hour” each day

Losing the beginner’s mind is easy when your schedule is wall‑to‑wall operations. I blocked 3 pm‑4 pm for pure skill acquisition: Vietnamese listening drills, AI‑audio scripting, or reading outside my field.

A study tracking older adults who learned multiple new real‑world skills showed sustained cognitive gains after a year; the principle applies at 35 too.

Practical twist: I used the Pomodoro method—50 minutes focus, 10 minutes stretch—to keep the hour sacred.

8. I ended each day with a 5‑minute self‑compassion journal

Instead of listing wins, I write two compassionate observations:

1. Something I handled imperfectly.

2. The same event viewed through the eyes of a kind friend.

A 2024 paper demonstrated that even a single online self‑compassion writing exercise can reduce anxiety levels. Over months, the practice has softened my inner critic and made setbacks feel instructional rather than defining.

The cumulative effect

None of these habits alone felt earth‑shattering. But layered together they formed a positive feedback loop:

• Beginner’s mind → more curiosity → richer learning hour.

• Mindfulness → greater awareness of when I needed a digital break.

• Digital breaks → increased presence, fuelling deeper friendships.

• Social connection → emotional safety to pursue intrinsic goals.

• Self‑concordant goals → motivation to move daily and keep journaling.

Twelve months later I look at that 35‑year‑old version of myself with compassion: he wasn’t failing; he was evolving. The stuckness was a signal, not a sentence.

Try the 90‑day remix

You don’t need to copy my list verbatim. Treat your next 90 days as a laboratory:

1. Pick one small, research‑backed habit each week.

2. Track mood and energy, not just productivity metrics.

3. Keep what works; ditch what doesn’t—no guilt.

If even three of these changes stick, I suspect you’ll feel the ground shift under your feet, just as I did. And if you ever doubt that small pivots matter, remember the beginner’s mind: every fresh moment is an invitation to start anew.