7 subtle signs someone is love bombing you—and how to spot them early

Let’s be honest—when someone showers us with affection and attention, it can feel incredible. Who doesn’t want to be seen, adored, and prioritized?

But sometimes, that “magical” beginning is a little too magical. And what seems like the start of a fairy tale might actually be a red flag hiding in plain sight.

That’s where love bombing comes in. It’s when someone tries to win you over with excessive flattery, gifts, or affection—only to later manipulate, control, or gaslight you once they’ve secured your trust.

I’ve worked with plenty of people who missed these signs early on—only to look back and say, “I should’ve known.” The tricky thing is, love bombing often doesn’t feel wrong at first. It feels like being the star of your own rom-com.

So how do you tell the difference between genuine excitement and something more calculated?

Here are 7 subtle signs someone might be love bombing you—and how to spot them before things go sideways.

1. They move at lightning speed

Ever met someone who talks about forever by the third date?

At first, it might feel flattering—like you’re just that special. But if someone’s pushing to define the relationship quickly, talking about marriage, or dropping “I love you” way too soon, it might not be love. It might be strategy.

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula puts it plainly: “Love bombing is all about control. When someone tries to fast-forward intimacy, they’re often trying to bypass your defenses.”

Healthy love takes time. And anyone who genuinely wants to get to know you will respect that pace.

I once had a friend who told me a guy she’d just met booked them a vacation… after only a week of texting. “It felt romantic,” she said. “But I also felt trapped.” That feeling—of being rushed into closeness—is your intuition waving a red flag.

If you’re feeling swept off your feet, slow down. Ask yourself: Are we building a connection—or skipping the foundation entirely?

2. Their compliments are nonstop—and oddly generic

“You’re perfect.”

“I’ve never met anyone like you.”

“You’re exactly what I’ve been looking for.”

Sound familiar?

Sure, compliments are nice. But when someone praises you constantly—and in vague, exaggerated ways—it’s worth pausing.

In my experience, real connection involves noticing the real you: your laugh, your values, your little quirks. Love bombers, on the other hand, tend to say what sounds good, not what’s real.

You’ll rarely hear things like “I love how passionate you get when you talk about your work,” or “The way you support your friends really impresses me.” That kind of praise is grounded. Specific. Earned.

As psychotherapist Shannon Thomas has said, “Generic flattery often masks a lack of true emotional investment. It’s a script, not a sentiment.”

A good gut check? Notice how their words make you feel. Do you feel seen—or just sold to?

3. You feel overwhelmed, not flattered

One client once told me, “He sent flowers to my office, planned a weekend getaway, and wrote me a song—all before our third date. I felt like I should be thrilled, but honestly? I was exhausted.”

That’s the thing about love bombing—it often overwhelms you into submission.

What starts as flattering can quickly become smothering. If you’re constantly fielding long texts, elaborate plans, or pressure to be emotionally available 24/7, that’s not romance. That’s a tactic.

Love bombers don’t leave room for you to breathe. And when you try to set a boundary? They either guilt-trip you or pull away completely.

One woman I worked with described it as “drowning in affection I didn’t ask for.” She said she found herself agreeing to weekend plans she didn’t want—just to avoid the sulking that followed when she said no.

If you’re constantly managing someone else’s feelings at the cost of your own comfort, take notice.

4. They mirror your values—but a little too perfectly

Have you ever noticed how a new partner suddenly shares all your interests?

You say you love hiking—suddenly they’re an avid trail runner. You mention you want kids someday—they were “just thinking about that.” You casually note you’re reading Brené Brown—they quote her the next day.

While shared interests are great, love bombers often mimic you to build quick rapport. It’s a shortcut to trust.

As noted by therapist and trauma expert Shannon Thomas, “Manipulators often use mirroring to create a false sense of compatibility. It’s designed to disarm you.”

This doesn’t mean that every person who shares your Spotify playlists is a narcissist. But if they seem to shape-shift to match every part of your identity, you have to ask: who are they when I’m not around?

Real compatibility includes healthy difference. If they never disagree or express their own preferences, that’s not connection. That’s performance.

5. They isolate you under the guise of “connection”

This one’s sneaky.

At first, it sounds sweet: “I just want to spend all my time with you.” Or “I miss you already” ten minutes after a date.

Then it starts to shift: “Why are you always talking to your friends?” Or “You don’t need anyone else when you have me.”

See the difference?

Love bombers often aim to become your whole world. Not because they’re head-over-heels—but because they want control.

The Cleveland Clinic warns that isolation is a key tactic in emotionally abusive dynamics. “A person may try to isolate you from your support system to make you more dependent on them,” notes their mental health division.

If your new connection is pulling you away from your friends, family, or even solo time, it’s time to ask why. Love should expand your life, not shrink it.

6. You feel guilty for needing space

Here’s a test: How do they react when you ask for time to yourself?

Do they get pouty? Do they suddenly act cold or distant? Do they say things like, “I just didn’t think you cared as much as I did”?

One woman I spoke to said she once asked her boyfriend for a solo weekend to catch up on work—and he responded by sending her a 2,000-word email about how “disappointed” he was.

This isn’t love. This is emotional manipulation.

Boundaries are not betrayals. Anyone who truly cares about you will want you to have time for yourself. They’ll encourage your independence, not punish you for it.

So if someone consistently makes you feel bad for protecting your space—whether it’s time alone, dinner with friends, or even a few hours off your phone—it’s a red flag.

You shouldn’t have to choose between your autonomy and the relationship.

7. The affection flips without warning

At the heart of love bombing is instability.

One moment, you’re being treated like royalty. The next? You’re being ignored, criticized, or emotionally iced out.

This rollercoaster is a power move. It keeps you chasing the highs and questioning yourself during the lows.

As psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Mann explains, “Love bombing is often followed by sudden devaluation. Once the manipulator feels secure, they drop the façade—and the emotional whiplash begins.”

That inconsistency is confusing by design. It teaches you to work harder for affection, to chase the version of them that was so sweet in the beginning.

But healthy love doesn’t make you guess. It doesn’t leave you walking on eggshells, wondering what version of them you’ll get that day.

If you feel emotionally whiplashed, that’s your cue to hit pause and re-evaluate.

Final thoughts

Love bombing thrives on urgency, overwhelm, and fantasy.

Real love? That’s built on patience, presence, and authenticity.

Here’s the part that’s hard to swallow: sometimes, people who love bomb don’t even realize they’re doing it. They might be chasing a version of love they saw in movies, or reenacting patterns they learned in childhood. But intention doesn’t erase impact.

And impact matters.

If you notice any of these signs, it doesn’t mean you have to run—but it does mean you should slow down. Get curious. Talk to friends. Pay attention to how your body feels after spending time with the person.

Do you feel calm? Or do you feel wired, anxious, or unsure?

Most of all, trust your gut. If something feels off—it probably is.

You deserve a connection that nurtures you, not manipulates you.

And if you’re still unsure, don’t hesitate to get an outside perspective—from a therapist, a coach, or someone you trust who sees you clearly.

The early stage of any relationship sets the tone. The more intentional you are in those first few weeks or months, the more likely you are to build something real—and safe.