10 phrases deeply selfish people use to manipulate others, according to psychology

There's a fine line between influencing and manipulating.

Manipulation, unlike influence, involves bending people to your will without their complete awareness. It's a tool frequently used by deeply selfish individuals.

Psychology tells us that there are common phrases manipulators use to get their way. These phrases are often disguised as harmless, but they carry a different motive underneath.

In this piece, we'll unveil 10 phrases deeply selfish people use to manipulate others, giving you insight into the hidden mechanics of manipulation.

1) Trust me...

Psychology tells us that trust plays a pivotal role in manipulation.

Those with selfish intentions often understand the power of trust and use it to their advantage.

The phrase "Trust me..." is a frequent weapon in the manipulator's arsenal. It's a direct appeal to your confidence in them, aiming to bypass your critical thinking and let their words influence you.

When you hear "Trust me...", it might be an attempt to fast-track your decision-making process. It's a red flag that the person might not want you to think too deeply about what they're saying - they just want you to go along with it.

This doesn't mean every use of "Trust me..." is manipulative, but it's worth keeping an eye out for this phrase and considering the context when it's used. The key is not to let it shut down your critical thinking.

Remember, manipulation thrives where critical thinking is absent.

2) I'm only saying this because I care...

In my personal experience, I've encountered manipulation masked as concern.

"I'm only saying this because I care..." has been a phrase thrown around in conversations with a certain friend of mine. At first, it seemed like genuine concern. But over time, it became clear that the 'concern' was often used as a way to control or influence my decisions.

This phrase would usually precede unsolicited advice or criticism—everything from my choice of career to the people I chose to date. I soon realized it was a manipulative tactic used to make me doubt my own judgment and rely more on theirs.

Again, not everyone who uses this phrase is being manipulative. But when it's repeatedly used to undermine your confidence or decisions, it's a telltale sign of manipulation. Always trust your instincts and don't let anyone use 'care' as an excuse to control you.

3) Everyone else thinks so too...

"Everyone else thinks so too..." is a common phrase used by manipulators. It's a variant of the psychological phenomenon known as "groupthink".

Groupthink is when the desire for harmony or conformity in a group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. It often dissuades individuals from expressing dissenting viewpoints, leading to a loss of individual creativity and independent thinking.

Manipulators use this phrase to make you feel like you're the odd one out, pressuring you into conforming to their perspective. They may not even have asked 'everyone else', but the mere suggestion that you're going against the crowd can be enough to sway your opinion.

It's crucial to remember that just because 'everyone else' supposedly thinks something doesn't mean it's correct or the best decision for you. Always take a step back and evaluate the situation from your own perspective.

4) You're too sensitive...

One of the common phrases used by manipulators is "You're too sensitive...".

Manipulators tend to use this phrase as a way to shift blame from their actions onto the person they're manipulating. It's a classic deflection technique.

When you react negatively to something they've done or said, they'll use this phrase to make it seem like the problem lies with your reaction, not their actions. This can make you second-guess your feelings and reactions, making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings.

Remember, it's essential to trust your emotions and feelings. If something doesn't feel right, there's no need to suppress or doubt it because someone labels you as 'too sensitive'.

5) I was just joking...

"I was just joking..." is another phrase frequently used by manipulators.

This phrase is typically used as a cover-up after saying something hurtful or offensive. When the person on the receiving end expresses hurt or discomfort, the manipulator quickly retreats behind the guise of humor.

It's a way to avoid taking responsibility for their words and actions while simultaneously invalidating your feelings. This phrase turns the situation around, making you seem as if you're overreacting or taking things too seriously.

Remember, humor should never be an excuse for disrespect or harm. If a 'joke' hurts you, it's important to communicate that openly and assertively.

6) I don't want to hurt you...

"I don't want to hurt you..." is a phrase that can tug at the heartstrings. It seems caring and considerate, but it can be a manipulative tool in the wrong hands.

When someone uses this phrase, it's often to create a sense of guilt or obligation. They're suggesting that your actions or decisions may cause them pain, thus subtly pressuring you to do what they want to avoid causing them distress.

This manipulation tactic can be particularly challenging to deal with because it appeals to our empathy and our desire not to cause pain to others. But remember, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and emotions. You are not responsible for managing someone else's feelings at the expense of your own.

7) You owe me...

Once, someone close to me used to frequently say, "You owe me...". It was usually after they'd done something kind or helpful. At first, it felt like a playful comment, but over time, it became a recurring theme.

This phrase was used to create a sense of obligation. Whenever they needed a favor or wanted me to do something I wasn't comfortable with, they'd remind me of what they'd done for me in the past. It felt as if every act of kindness had a hidden cost attached.

The phrase "You owe me..." is a clear sign of manipulation. Everyone should be able to give and receive freely in relationships without keeping score or using past favors as leverage. If you find yourself feeling obligated due to past kindnesses, it's time to rethink the dynamics of the relationship.

8) I'm fine...

"I'm fine..." seems like a rather harmless phrase, right? However, when used manipulatively, it can be a potent tool.

Manipulators use this phrase to evoke guilt or sympathy. They might say they're 'fine' when they clearly aren't, leaving you to feel concerned and obligated to help or change your behavior to improve their mood.

This isn’t to say that everyone who says they’re fine is being manipulative. But when it’s used repeatedly in contexts where it’s clear that everything isn’t fine, it can be a way of indirectly expressing dissatisfaction or making you feel responsible for their well-being.

Always remember, honest and direct communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If someone consistently expresses they're 'fine' when it's clear they're not, it might be time for a sincere discussion about communication.

9) I hate drama...

"I hate drama..." is a phrase often used by manipulators to portray themselves as peace-loving individuals. However, it's often a smokescreen to cover their own role in creating or perpetuating conflict.

By declaring their dislike for drama, manipulators aim to make you feel guilty for any conflict or disagreement, even if it's a result of their own actions. It's a way to shift blame and avoid accountability.

What's important to remember is that disagreements and conflicts are a normal part of human interaction. If someone consistently uses this phrase to avoid addressing issues, it may be a sign of manipulation. Healthy relationships require open and honest conversations about conflicts, not avoidance.

10) You're misunderstanding me...

"You're misunderstanding me..." is a phrase manipulators use to make you question your perception of a situation. It's a form of gaslighting, a psychological technique where someone tries to make you doubt your own experiences and reality.

When you express discomfort or call out inappropriate behavior, the manipulator uses this phrase to imply that the issue isn't their actions, but your understanding of them. It shifts the blame onto you, making you feel guilty for 'misunderstanding' them.

But here's what you need to remember: Your feelings are valid. If something doesn't sit right with you, trust your instincts. Don't let anyone make you doubt your perception or emotions. Stand firm in your experiences and feelings.