7 conversation habits that make people instantly dislike you (without you even realizing it)

Let’s get real for a sec: not everyone is going to like you. That’s just life.

But sometimes, people don’t just not like you—they instantly pull away, put up a wall, or change the vibe... and you’re left wondering what just happened.

The truth? It might be something subtle you’re doing in conversation.

And trust me, I get it. I’m not saying this from some lofty place of perfection. I’ve definitely been that guy—oversharing at a vegan donut pop-up, dominating a convo at a rooftop kombucha tasting, or humble-bragging about an interview I did with a K-pop group back in my music blogging days. (Yes, it was cool. No, I shouldn’t have brought it up three times.)

But over the years—between reviewing jackfruit jerky and decoding why some conversations click while others crash—I’ve noticed something:

A handful of conversational habits can quietly sabotage how people perceive you.

Here are 7 of them. And the worst part? You might not even know you're doing them.

1. Constantly One-Upping People

You: “I just got back from Seoul. It was amazing.”
Them: “Oh yeah? I actually lived there for a year and got to train with a local dance crew. We even filmed a video in Hongdae.”

Sound familiar?

One-upping can happen without any bad intention. Sometimes we’re just trying to relate. But what it does—especially in early conversations—is quietly signal competition, not connection.

Instead of building on someone’s excitement, it redirects the spotlight back to you.

Real talk: I once did this without realizing it at a snack expo. Someone mentioned they’d just discovered fermented garlic honey, and I immediately launched into a ten-minute spiel about my miso-tamari pickled carrots. It wasn’t cute.

Fix it: Practice holding space. If someone shares something exciting, ask more. Let them glow. There’s time for your story—just don’t jump the line.

2. Turning Every Topic Back to Yourself

We all love to share. But if every conversation becomes “me, me, me”—it starts to feel transactional. Like the other person’s only there to set you up for your next anecdote.

Example:
Them: “I’ve been getting into pottery lately.”
You: “Oh, that reminds me! I just got this new camera lens and took some amazing shots at a pottery class I wandered into. Let me show you…”

See what happened?

You may have meant to connect, but it veered off course.

How I learned this: A friend once told me (very kindly, over mushroom tacos) that I had a habit of “always steering the ship back to Jordan Island.” It stung—but she wasn’t wrong. I’d fallen into the trap of using people’s stories as springboards for my own.

Fix it: Let their story breathe. Ask why they love it. Get curious. If a related story naturally fits later, share it. But don’t hijack the vibe.

3. Name-Dropping or Flexing Too Much

Look, I get it. We’ve all got achievements we’re proud of. (Did I mention I once got retweeted by BTS fans for writing a piece on vegan snacks at K-pop fan meets? Oh wait…)

But there’s a fine line between sharing something cool and trying too hard to impress.

When people constantly hear about who you know, what you’ve done, or how amazing your life is—it creates distance, not connection.

Red flag phrases:

• “Not to brag, but…”

• “You probably haven’t heard of it, but…”

• “When I was hanging out with [insert semi-famous person]…”

Fix it: Let your vibe speak louder than your résumé. If something relevant comes up, sure, mention it. But don’t use your accomplishments as social currency. People connect more with your humanity than your highlight reel.

4. Interrupting—Even with Good Intentions

You’re excited. You totally relate. You have to say this before you forget. So you jump in.

But for the other person, it can feel like being cut off or talked over—even if your heart’s in the right place.

This one hit me hard: I was interviewing a chef for a vegan pop-up series, and I kept chiming in mid-sentence with things like “Oh, same!” or “Right? I do that too!”

He later said, “I loved your energy, but I had to fight to finish a thought.”

Yikes.

Fix it: Practice the pause. Let people finish their point—then jump in. It builds trust. It signals respect. And honestly? You’ll sound smoother and more grounded when you do.

5. Only Talking About Yourself in Vague or Guarded Ways

On the flip side, some people barely open up at all.

They keep things surface-level. They talk in generalities. When asked personal questions, they deflect with jokes or quick answers.

This can come off as disinterest—or worse, arrogance.

But often, it’s just social anxiety or fear of vulnerability in disguise.

Been there: I used to downplay my love for odd hobbies (like photographing molds during fermentation) because I didn’t want to seem weird. But what happened? I seemed distant instead.

Fix it: Let yourself be a little weird. Share that you’re nervous. Talk about the time your homemade kimchi exploded. Realness is magnetic.

6. Subtly Judging People’s Tastes or Interests

This one sneaks in under the radar.

It shows up as a smirk when someone mentions a pop artist you don’t like. A sarcastic comment about reality TV. A backhanded compliment like “Oh wow, I didn’t expect you to be into that.”

Even if you don’t mean to offend, it can feel like you’re dismissing their identity.

Guilty as charged: I once rolled my eyes when someone said they liked pumpkin spice lattes. As a vegan turmeric latte snob, I thought I was being playful. She didn’t take it that way—and rightly so.

Fix it: If someone loves something—even if it’s not your thing—let them love it. Ask what they like about it. Curiosity builds connection. Judgment kills it.

7. Not Reading the Room (or the Person)

Every conversation has its rhythm. Some people want to dive deep. Others are just trying to keep it light. And if you miss those cues, things get awkward fast.

Maybe you’re dropping heavy topics when someone just wants to vibe. Or you’re being flippant when someone’s clearly hinting at something serious.

How I’ve messed this up: I once brought up the ethics of lab-grown meat at a first date that was going perfectly fine until then. Total vibe-killer.

Fix it: Watch body language. Listen for tone shifts. If someone’s being vague, ask if they want to talk more. And when in doubt? Keep it light and let them guide the depth.

Final Thoughts: Don’t Panic—Adjust

If you see yourself in one (or all) of these habits, don’t sweat it. We’ve all done them. Including me. Probably last week.

The point isn’t to beat yourself up. It’s to notice.

Conversations are like recipes. A little too much of one ingredient—and the flavor changes. But once you tweak the balance, something beautiful unfolds.

So next time you're chatting—whether it's over kombucha flights, indie band merch tables, or in a grocery store line—pause. Breathe. And remember: the goal isn’t to impress. It’s to connect.

And if all else fails? Bring snacks. Everyone opens up over seaweed crisps.