People who speak more than they listen in conversations typically display these 7 traits, says psychology

The other afternoon I found myself wedged between two strangers on a Dubai–Singapore flight—the perfect aluminum capsule for studying talk habits. Seat 8B launched into a half-hour monologue about “the definitive Friday brunch circuit,” complete with phone photos of every waffle stack he’d ever conquered.

Seat 8A nodded gamely until she raised an index finger (the universal my turn? cue). It never landed. By the time the beverage cart rattled past, 8A had surrendered to her earbuds and 8B was still mid-story, audience reduced to the seat-pocket in front of him.

Scenes like that echo a striking pattern from revenue-analytics firm Gong, which sifted through more than 300,000 recorded sales calls and found a “golden” ratio of 43 percent talking to 57 percent listening.

Reps who tipped past 65 percent airtime saw conversions nosedive; those who hovered near the 43/57 split closed far more deals and left both parties describing the call as “energizing.” 

Why would flipping a simple fraction matter so much? Psychologists say chronic over-talking isn’t a random quirk; it clusters around seven underlying traits. Spotting them can sharpen your social radar—and maybe rescue the next captive neighbor in row 8.

Below you’ll find each trait, the research behind it, and a quick litmus test you can run in real time.

1. A hunger for self-validation

Ever met someone who treats every topic like a boomerang, curving back to their latest win or worry? Communication scholars call the pattern “conversational narcissism,” a self-focused style that quietly hunts for affirmation rather than outright praise.

The dopamine hit from being acknowledged feels so good that the brain nudges the speaker to keep talking—much like a slot-machine chime coaxing another pull. The hidden cost is relational: listeners feel cast as unpaid audience members, not co-authors of the moment.

Self-check. After you share a story, do you pause long enough for someone else’s follow-up—or do you race to the next anecdote before their inhale is finished?

2. A drive for social dominance

Decades of group-communication studies show that high-dominance individuals literally speak more and look longer while others listen, using airtime the way alpha birds use bright plumage. 

The instinct kicks in fastest under competitive pressure—sales meetings, family debates, even a casual board-game night—because talking signals control. Yet the very behavior meant to project authority can backfire, breeding resistance instead of respect.

Everyday analogy. It’s like hogging all four burners when friends are cooking together: you feel efficient; everyone else feels shoved to the counter with a butter knife.

3. Anxiety buffering through filler words

Rapid-fire speakers often strew sentences with “um,” “you know,” and side-quests that zigzag nowhere. Linguistic analyses link filler sprees to social unease and divided attention, suggesting that talking becomes a smoke screen for nervous energy.

Think of it as hitting “play” on elevator music so no one disconnects—soothing for the anxious brain, taxing for listeners trying to decode the melody under the static.

Quick reset. Consciously drop one extra two-second pause before each new point. The silence feels gigantic inside your chest but microscopic to everyone else.

4. Extraversion on overdrive

Extraverted brains get larger dopamine jolts from external stimulation. Words, jokes, and rapid riffing function like quick sips of espresso—invigorating in the moment. But without an internal regulator, extraversion morphs into monologue.

A 2022 study found that highly extraverted people are consistently rated as poorer listeners by peers, suggesting a blind spot about their own airtime.

Maya’s balancing act. Picture a juice blend: too much orange overwhelms the mango and carrot. Temper your verbal zingers with questions that spotlight someone else’s flavor.

5. Cognitive off-loading in real time

Some folks think out loud to organize ideas—a legitimate processing style until it ignores audience bandwidth. Psychologists call it cognitive off-loading: shifting mental load to the external environment, whether that’s a notebook or an unsuspecting friend.

A 2020 short-term-memory study showed that off-loading can boost personal performance but also shifts effort onto the surrounding humans when done verbally. 

DIY diagnostic. If your story requires nested footnotes and plot lines to make sense, jot a quick outline first. The page can absorb your brainstorm so people don’t have to.

6. Status signaling through expertise

Remember that coworker who answers a yes-or-no question with a ten-minute lecture? Over-explaining can be a prestige move: displaying knowledge to bank status tokens such as trust or admiration.

In a 2017 simulated interview, researchers found that speakers lowered or steadied their pitch when talking to higher-status listeners—but dominance-oriented individuals talked more regardless of rank, signaling authority by sheer volume. 

Metaphor check. Expertise should sprinkle in like sea salt: vivid enough to lift flavor, light enough to keep guests tasting their own food.

7. Low empathy for turn-taking cues

Great listeners track micro-signals—eye blinks, inhalations, subtle leans—that whisper your turn. Chronic over-talkers miss or ignore those cues.

A 2023 meta-analysis spanning 400,020 interpersonal observations linked perceived listening with better relationships, cognition, and job performance, underscoring how costly cue-blindness can be. 

Two-second upgrade. Borrow a guitarist’s trick: end on a resolving chord, then let the vibration fade before strumming again. That tiny stillness invites others to join the song.

Why this list matters for clarity, calm, and agency

Listening isn’t just a social nicety; it’s a cognitive upgrade. When you pause to absorb another viewpoint, you inject fresh data into your mental model, reducing blind spots.

Neuroscientists liken it to refreshing a browser—you clear cached assumptions and pull real-time information.

Emotionally, attuned listening activates the vagus-nerve network, dialing down stress hormones and synchronizing heart rhythms with the speaker. In practical terms, balanced dialogue feeds better decisions, warmer friendships, and more innovative work sessions.

Conversely, domination-style talking traps you in a closed feedback loop. You recycle familiar stories, reinforce existing biases, and miss lateral insights that spark creativity. Over time, that loop can harden into social isolation (“people avoid me but I don’t know why”) or professional stagnation (“my presentations rarely land”).

Micro-habits to tilt the ratio back

1. The silent count. Let the other person finish a full breath beyond the last syllable before you respond. In a café chat, that’s barely a heartbeat; to the speaker it feels like respect incarnate.

2. Question tagging. Wrap personal stories with an open invitation—“That was my experiment with sourdough starter; how have your kitchen science projects gone?” Questions act like conversational Velcro, giving new material a place to stick.

3. Airtime audit. Once a day, rate your biggest conversation on a 1–10 listening scale. Anything under 6? Jot one thing you learned about the other person and one you still don’t know. The gap becomes tomorrow’s conversation fuel.

For chronic over-talkers in your orbit, try a gentle redirect—“I’d love to chime in when you’re ready.” It’s a listening cue wrapped in warmth, preserving goodwill while nudging balance.

Final words

Conversations are the original collaboration software—no subscription required, just alternating waves of sound. When one voice hogs the channel, the signal weakens for everyone, including the speaker.

Spotting the seven traits above isn’t about diagnosing friends; it’s about catching moments when airtime skews your own growth.

Next time you feel your vocal cords revving past that 43 percent threshold, picture Seats 8A and 8B. Ease off the throttle, tune in, and let the dialogue remix itself.

Odds are you’ll land with more connection than you took off with.