Struggling to connect with others? These 10 everyday phrases might be quietly sabotaging your relationships—and here's what to say instead.
Let’s be honest: navigating social interactions isn’t always easy.
Some people seem to effortlessly build connections, make others feel at ease, and say the right thing at the right time. Others—despite having good intentions—often struggle to express themselves in ways that foster understanding, warmth, or trust.
I’ve spent the last decade studying human behavior through both a psychological and Buddhist lens, and one thing is clear: our words shape the quality of our relationships.
The phrases we use—especially the habitual ones—are powerful indicators of our emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and social calibration.
In this article, I want to explore 10 common phrases that people with poor social skills tend to use. These phrases may not seem harmful on the surface, but they often create distance, discomfort, or confusion in everyday conversations.
If you recognize yourself in some of these, don’t panic. We’ve all said things we wish we could take back. The key is awareness—and then, compassion-driven change.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is a classic example of emotional invalidation. Rather than trying to understand the other person’s feelings, it brushes them off completely.
When someone says this, what they often mean is, “Your emotional response is inconvenient for me.”
From a psychological standpoint, this phrase reveals a lack of empathy and attunement to others’ emotional worlds. And from a mindful perspective, it stems from a reactive mindset—wanting to escape discomfort rather than meeting it with openness.
A better approach:
Try saying, “I didn’t realize that upset you. Can you tell me more?”
2. “That’s not my problem.”
On the surface, this may sound like someone setting a boundary. But often, it’s said with a tone of dismissal rather than clarity.
Poor social skills often show up as an inability to stay present with others’ difficulties. This phrase cuts off connection and makes the speaker seem cold or self-absorbed.
Mindful reflection:
Boundaries are important—but so is kindness. You can acknowledge someone’s struggle without taking it on as your own.
A better approach:
“I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope things get better soon.”
3. “Why are you still talking about that?”
This phrase often signals impatience, irritation, or a lack of emotional bandwidth. It can make the other person feel like a burden.
In Buddhist practice, we’re taught to hold space for others—not to fix or rush them, but simply to be with them in their humanity.
If someone is “still talking” about something, chances are it still matters to them.
A better approach:
“I can tell this is still weighing on you. Do you want to talk about it more, or would it help to focus on something else for a bit?”
4. “Calm down.”
Ironically, telling someone to calm down almost always has the opposite effect.
This phrase is often used as a way to control or suppress someone’s emotional state, especially during conflict. But it comes across as condescending and dismissive.
Good social skills involve co-regulation—not escalation.
A better approach:
“I can see this is really upsetting. Let’s take a moment and talk through it together.”
5. “That’s just how I am.”
This might sound like self-acceptance, but it’s often used to avoid accountability.
Saying this in response to feedback shuts down growth and signals to others that you're not willing to consider how your behavior affects them.
Self-awareness is at the heart of both mindfulness and emotional maturity. And true acceptance includes a willingness to evolve.
A better approach:
“I didn’t realize I was coming across that way. Thanks for telling me—I'll think about it.”
6. “Whatever.”
This one-word phrase can be incredibly dismissive. It often signals emotional shutdown, passive-aggressiveness, or contempt.
Even if someone uses it to avoid conflict, it communicates disinterest and disengagement.
In mindful communication, even when we’re frustrated, we strive to stay open and connected.
A better approach:
“I’m feeling frustrated and don’t have the words right now, but I want to keep this conversation going when I’m calmer.”
7. “You always…” or “You never…”
These sweeping generalizations are classic markers of poor conflict resolution skills.
They not only exaggerate, but they also put the other person on the defensive. This derails the conversation and turns it into a blame game.
People with strong social skills speak with specificity, not absolutes.
A better approach:
“I felt hurt when that happened the other day. Can we talk about how to handle that differently next time?”
8. “I’m just being honest.”
Honesty is important—but it’s not an excuse for cruelty.
This phrase is often used to mask bluntness, judgment, or insensitivity. Honesty without compassion becomes a weapon.
As Thích Nhất Hạnh once said, “Speak the truth, but not to punish.”
A better approach:
“Can I share something I’ve been thinking about? I want to be honest, but also kind.”
9. “I don’t care.”
This phrase can signal apathy, defensiveness, or emotional disengagement. In many cases, it’s a mask for deeper feelings—fear, hurt, or confusion.
When someone says this regularly, it can make others feel like their presence doesn’t matter.
In mindful relationships, we practice care—even when we don’t have all the answers.
A better approach:
“I’m not sure how I feel yet, but I want to be here for you.”
10. “It’s not a big deal.”
Again, this one minimizes someone else’s feelings. Even if it wasn’t a big deal to you, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t significant to them.
This phrase cuts short meaningful conversation, and it often reflects discomfort with emotional vulnerability.
From a Buddhist lens, this is where compassionate listening becomes essential: being fully present without judgment.
A better approach:
“I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time, but I can see that it affected you. Let’s talk about it.”
Final thoughts
Having poor social skills doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Often, it just means you haven’t been shown how to communicate with emotional awareness.
Maybe you grew up in a household where emotions weren’t welcomed. Or maybe your own experiences taught you that it’s safer to shut down than open up.
But here’s the good news: social skills can be learned. Every time you choose presence over defensiveness, curiosity over judgment, and compassion over control—you grow.
And in doing so, you help others feel seen, respected, and valued. That’s the heart of true connection.
So if you’ve used some of these phrases before, don’t beat yourself up. Just start noticing. Practice listening more than fixing. Soften your words. Lead with warmth.
Because being socially skilled isn’t about saying the perfect thing.
It’s about making the people around you feel safe enough to be themselves.
What’s Your Plant-Powered Archetype?
Ever wonder what your everyday habits say about your deeper purpose—and how they ripple out to impact the planet?
This 90-second quiz reveals the plant-powered role you’re here to play, and the tiny shift that makes it even more powerful.
12 fun questions. Instant results. Surprisingly accurate.
