Psychology says the way someone treats service workers reveals these 5 core truths about their character

If you want to understand someone’s true character, don’t watch how they act around their friends.
Don’t watch how they behave on a first date.
Don’t even watch how they treat people they’re trying to impress.

Watch how they treat the people who can’t give them anything.

I’ve been writing about human behavior for over a decade now, and one pattern has never stopped fascinating me: the way someone interacts with service workers — baristas, waiters, cleaners, delivery drivers, receptionists, retail staff — reveals more about their inner psychology than almost anything else.

These interactions happen when no reward is at stake. No one’s keeping score. There’s no social benefit, no prestige, no status gain.
Which means the behavior comes from the real self, not the curated version most people present to the world.

And according to psychology, the way someone treats service workers reliably reveals these five core truths about who they really are.

1. It reveals how they behave when they have power — and when someone else doesn’t

Every service interaction involves a subtle power imbalance. One person is paying; the other is providing the service.

Most people don’t think about this. But psychologists do — because how someone behaves in situations of small-scale power says everything about their moral compass.

Someone with genuine integrity treats the service worker as an equal, because to them, worth isn’t determined by status. They don’t need someone to have titles or prestige to treat them kindly.

Someone lacking integrity sees these moments as an opportunity — even a right — to assert dominance.

You’ll notice it in behaviors like:

• snapping their fingers to get attention
• talking down to someone in a customer service role
• being demanding or dismissive
• punishing minor mistakes with outsized emotional reactions
• treating service interactions as transactions rather than human exchanges

Here’s the psychological truth:
If someone only behaves well around people who are “useful,” that’s not kindness — it’s strategy.

Their relationship to small power reveals who they really are.

2. It reveals their emotional regulation — especially under low-stakes stress

This one might be the most important.

Service environments are unpredictable. Orders get mixed up. Lines form. Mistakes happen. Food takes too long. A barista mishears something. A delivery is late.

These aren’t life-or-death situations — but they are perfect tests of emotional maturity.

Someone who can’t regulate emotions will respond with:

• irritation
• sarcasm
• passive-aggressive comments
• angry sighs or eye rolls
• complaints that escalate beyond the situation

But someone with emotional strength responds with patience, perspective, and calmness. They understand that mistakes aren’t personal. They can absorb minor discomfort without projecting it onto others.

I once watched a man unload on a teenage cashier because she accidentally double-scanned an item.
The item was three dollars.

That wasn’t about the price.
It wasn’t about the mistake.
It was about his inability to handle frustration without hurting someone weaker than him.

Psychology calls this “displacement” — taking internal frustration and directing it at someone safe to attack.

In contrast, emotionally mature people don’t use others as receptacles for their stress. They absorb life’s imperfections with grace.

3. It reveals whether they see people as human beings or as roles

One of the subtle signs of emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize the humanity in people who are socially “invisible.”

Many service workers experience something called role dehumanization — customers treat them as objects fulfilling a function rather than as people with inner lives.

This is why some customers:

• never make eye contact
• don’t say “thank you”
• speak in a cold or mechanical tone
• act as if the service worker isn’t fully there

But a person with genuine empathy does the opposite. They:

• acknowledge the person with warmth
• offer simple kindnesses (a smile, a thank you, a friendly tone)
• respect the labor behind the service
• understand the emotional weight these jobs carry

This ability — to see the full humanity of someone society often overlooks — is a deep indicator of emotional intelligence.

It reveals not just how someone treats strangers, but how they treat anyone without social power.

And in relationships, this trait predicts kindness, patience, loyalty, and compassion.

4. It reveals their self-image — and whether it’s built on confidence or insecurity

This one might surprise you.

Psychologists note that people who belittle service workers are often not confident — they’re insecure.
They use dominance, rudeness, or entitlement to inflate their ego temporarily.

They’re performing superiority because they don’t actually feel it.

On the other hand, people who are genuinely confident don’t need to assert hierarchy. They don’t need to prove they’re above anyone. Their self-esteem is internal, not dependent on external validation.

I once saw a man in a high-end restaurant make a server repeat her introduction three times because he wanted to “make sure she was paying attention.”
When she apologized — even though she’d done nothing wrong — he smirked as if he’d won something.

But that wasn’t confidence. That was insecurity wearing a costume.

Healthy people don’t need to push others down to feel tall.

And if someone treats service workers with ease, warmth, and respect, it often means they’re comfortable in their own skin — not threatened by the idea of treating everyone equally.

5. It reveals their worldview — whether they believe kindness is conditional or universal

This is the deepest layer of all.

Some people only extend kindness when it benefits them.
Their kindness is conditional, selective, and strategic.

They’ll treat a boss well.
A love interest well.
A friend well.
Anyone who can offer something — admiration, opportunity, status — gets kindness.

But service workers?
People with “no power”?
People who can’t advance their social standing?

Those people reveal whether kindness is part of someone’s identity or just another tool.

Kindness that only appears when convenient is not kindness — it’s manipulation.

But kindness that shows up everywhere, especially in low-status interactions, is the purest form of integrity.

One of the most impressive people I’ve ever met was a CEO in Singapore who treated every service worker — from janitors to taxi drivers — with the same warmth and respect he gave to business partners.

I asked him once why he talked to everyone so openly.

He shrugged and said, “If your kindness changes based on who you’re speaking to, it isn’t kindness.”

That stuck with me.

Final thoughts

If you want to understand someone’s character, don’t focus on the image they project. Don’t judge them by their charm, their social media presence, or the story they tell about themselves.

Judge them by the moments they think don’t matter.

Because that’s where the real self appears — in the places where they don’t expect anyone to be watching.

The way someone treats service workers isn’t a small detail.
It’s the clearest psychological window into their:

• integrity
• emotional maturity
• confidence
• empathy
• and their worldview

And in a world full of curated personas and practiced performance, these unguarded moments tell us the truth.

So pay attention — not to how someone behaves when it benefits them, but how they behave when it doesn’t.

That’s where character lives.