Psychology says people who monopolize conversations usually have these 7 hidden insecurities

We have all met that person who talks and talks and never seems to come up for air.

You try to jump in, but by the time you have formed a sentence in your head, they are already on their third story about work, their neighbor, or their dog.

It is easy to label them as rude or self absorbed.

But psychology suggests that what looks like arrogance on the surface is often insecurity underneath.

I saw this a lot in my previous life as a financial analyst. Meetings where one person dominated the entire agenda usually had less to do with confidence and more to do with fear.

So in this article, I want to look at what might really be going on when someone monopolizes conversations. Not to excuse bad behavior, but to understand it. And maybe to recognize a bit of it in ourselves too.

Let’s get into the seven hidden insecurities that often drive this pattern.

1) They are afraid of feeling invisible

Have you ever noticed how some people talk a lot but do not actually say much?

One common reason is a deep fear of being overlooked.

If someone grew up in a home where they were talked over, criticized, or ignored, their nervous system may associate being quiet with being invisible. Talking nonstop becomes a survival strategy.

Psychology calls this a compensatory behavior. You overuse one behavior to cover up a painful belief, in this case: “I do not matter unless I am talking.”

So they fill every silence. They interrupt. They circle back to their own experiences again and again.

Not because they enjoy dominating people, but because some part of them is terrified of fading into the background.

If you recognize this in yourself, a powerful question to ask is: “Can I let myself matter even when I am not speaking?”

2) They doubt their worth and try to prove it with stories

Constant talking can also be a performance.

People who feel secretly “not enough” often try to patch that feeling with achievements, name dropping, or endless anecdotes that paint them in a good light.

You might hear a lot of “I did this” or “I know that person” or “I handled that situation.”

Underneath is usually an anxious belief like, “If I do not show how impressive I am, people will not respect me.”

When I started volunteering at a local farmers’ market, I noticed this pattern in myself at first. I found myself over explaining my background or credentials to strangers who did not need that information. It was just insecurity dressed up as context.

Psychologically, this is a form of self enhancement. You build a narrative to protect a fragile sense of worth.

The irony is that the more someone tries to impress, the less impressive they usually seem. Genuine confidence shows up more in listening than in lecturing.

3) They are uncomfortable with silence

Some people cannot stand quiet moments. Even three seconds of silence feels like failure.

So they rush to fill every gap with words.

This is often rooted in social anxiety. Silence is interpreted as rejection. “If nobody is talking, something is wrong. I need to fix it.”

Psychologists talk about intolerance of uncertainty. People who struggle with it will do almost anything to avoid ambiguous moments. Awkward silence is high on that list.

So the rapid talking comes in as a coping mechanism. Not because they love their own voice, but because silence feels dangerous.

If you notice yourself doing this, try experimenting with very small pauses. Count to three in your head before responding. Let someone else step into the space first.

You might be surprised by how quickly the room does not fall apart when you are not filling it.

4) They need constant validation

Another insecurity that drives conversational hogging is a strong need for reassurance.

Some people talk excessively because they are fishing for micro doses of approval.

They tell a story and look for your reaction. They share an opinion and scan your face. They keep talking until they feel they have convinced you they are right, smart, or good.

This often comes from a history of inconsistent validation. Maybe praise was rare or conditional. Maybe affection only showed up when they performed.

The brain then learns, “I have to work hard for any scrap of approval.”

So in conversations, they overshare, over explain, and over justify. They are not just speaking. They are seeking.

If you relate to this, notice how often you talk in order to be liked, not to connect. Real connection does not need constant convincing.

5) They fear vulnerability and use talking as a shield

Here is a sneaky one.

Some people talk a lot not because they want to reveal themselves, but because they want to avoid revealing themselves.

When you control the conversation, you control what topics are allowed. You can stay in safe territory. You can keep things factual, surface level, or centered on other people’s drama.

Deep down, there may be a belief like, “If they really get to know me, they will reject me.”

So they never stop long enough for you to ask a real question.

The talking acts like a wall. Words on top of words, carefully preventing intimacy.

From a psychological perspective, this is a defense mechanism. It protects the person from emotional exposure, but it also keeps them lonely.

If you find yourself doing this, start small. Answer one question a bit more honestly than usual. See what happens.

Chances are, the world will not end.

6) They feel powerless in other areas of life

People who feel powerless often overcompensate in areas where they can exert control. Conversations can become one of those areas.

If someone has little say at work, or feels unheard in their relationship, or is burned out from caregiving, they might unconsciously use conversations to feel powerful.

Talking over others gives them a moment of authority. Directing the topic gives them a sense of control.

It is not healthy, but it is understandable.

In psychology, this is sometimes framed as a response to learned helplessness. If you feel stuck in big parts of your life, you push harder in small areas where you still have influence.

Of course, it often backfires. People pull away from the very person who is craving agency.

If this hits close to home, ask where you feel most powerless. That is usually where the real work is.

7) They are more lonely than they appear

On the surface, someone who dominates conversations looks extremely social. They are always talking, always sharing, always engaged.

But loneliness does not care how much you talk. It cares how deeply you are known.

Some of the most talkative people I have met are also some of the loneliest. They are surrounded by people but starved for real connection.

So when they finally have someone’s attention, the words pour out. All the stories no one listened to. All the thoughts they have been holding in. All the opinions they never felt safe to express.

It can feel overwhelming to be on the receiving end. But when you see it as loneliness rather than ego, your response softens.

If this is you, try intentionally asking more questions. Not because you should shrink yourself, but because connection requires space for both voices.

Listening does not make you invisible. It makes room for closeness.

Final thoughts

People who dominate conversations are easy to judge. But behind the behavior is almost always fear, not arrogance.

If you see these patterns in someone else, you can still set boundaries. You are not required to be an endless audience.

If you see them in yourself, that awareness is a good thing. You cannot change a pattern you do not recognize.

The next time you are in a conversation, try this experiment: notice what is driving your words. Curiosity or insecurity?

And ask yourself, “What would this moment look like if silence did not scare me?”