7 things middle-class people consider chores—but the upper class calls self-care

Ever notice how two people can look at the exact same activity—and one sighs while the other lights up? It’s fascinating how much perspective changes the way we experience daily life.

For many middle-class folks, certain tasks feel like never-ending to-do list items. But in wealthier circles, those same things get reframed as indulgent acts of self-care.

I’m not here to glorify wealth or suggest we should copy every upper-class habit. But I do think there’s value in noticing how a simple shift in mindset can transform “obligation” into “opportunity.” Sometimes it’s not about money at all—it’s about how you frame the experience.

The truth is, many of the tasks we consider mundane can actually be grounding, restorative, even joyful—if we stop rushing through them and start seeing them as rituals.

Let’s dig into seven examples.

1. Grocery shopping

For a lot of middle-class families, grocery shopping is a weekly stressor. You’re tired, rushing between work and home, trying to stick to a budget, and hoping you didn’t forget the coffee filters. It can feel like survival mode on wheels.

But look at how some wealthy people treat it. They’ll shop at specialty markets, linger over artisanal cheeses, or chat with a fishmonger about the day’s catch. They savor it, the way you’d savor wandering through a farmers’ market on a sunny Saturday.

It’s not that their task is different—it’s that the experience is reframed as pleasure. What if, instead of treating it as a slog, you allowed yourself to notice the sensory side of shopping? The smell of fresh bread. The color of ripe fruit. The anticipation of a meal you’ll cook later.

Psychologist Rick Hanson often talks about “taking in the good,” or pausing to really absorb positive moments. Grocery shopping, done mindfully, can be one of those moments. Even small shifts—like leaving your phone in your bag and focusing fully on the experience—can turn a task into a treat.

2. Cooking at home

Cooking often falls into the “ugh, another thing I have to do” category for middle-class households. It’s about getting dinner on the table quickly, cleaning up afterward, and moving on.

In upper-class culture, though, cooking is more likely to be reframed as a creative hobby. They might hire private chefs during the week but spend weekends experimenting with recipes, pairing wines, or hosting dinner parties. The process itself becomes a kind of meditation.

I had a friend who worked in investment banking—her schedule was brutal. But every Sunday, she’d block off three hours to cook a slow meal, sometimes even making pasta from scratch. It wasn’t about necessity. It was about reclaiming joy.

As food psychologist Brian Wansink once noted: “When people think of cooking as fun rather than work, they eat more healthfully and feel better about it.” Maybe the real shift is reminding yourself that food prep isn’t just labor—it’s also artistry.

3. Gardening

Pulling weeds, watering plants, mowing the lawn—sounds like chores, right? For many middle-class families, that’s exactly what it is. Yard work eats up precious weekend hours and often feels more like an obligation than a choice.

But step into a wealthier neighborhood, and gardening often looks more like leisure. It’s not just about keeping grass tidy—it’s about cultivating roses, shaping hedges, or growing heirloom vegetables. It’s therapy with dirt under your nails.

I can relate here. After years in corporate finance, I started gardening as a way to decompress. At first it felt like more work, but soon it became one of the most grounding parts of my week. There’s something about tending to living things that makes you slow down and breathe.

And here’s the interesting part: research backs this up. A field experiment in the Journal of Health Psychology found that after a stressful task, people who spent 30 minutes gardening showed larger drops in cortisol and better mood recovery than those who spent the same time reading.

No wonder the wealthy treat it like meditation with a shovel.

4. Exercise

Middle-class people often see exercise as another box to tick. Dragging yourself to the gym after work can feel like punishment, not pleasure.

Meanwhile, the wealthy are more likely to treat exercise as an investment in vitality. They hire personal trainers, go on yoga retreats, or blend fitness seamlessly into their lifestyle with tennis clubs, golf courses, and Pilates studios. Exercise becomes an integrated part of their identity, not an afterthought.

Of course, not everyone has access to those luxuries. But the underlying principle is free: treat movement as something you get to do, not something you have to do. I remind myself of this on long trail runs—what a privilege it is that my body carries me through forests and hills.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says it best: “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” When you see exercise as building the kind of life you want, it stops feeling like drudgery and starts feeling like empowerment.

5. House cleaning

Let’s be honest: scrubbing toilets or vacuuming floors rarely feels glamorous. For many in the middle class, housework is exhausting and never-ending.

The upper class, on the other hand, often outsource the grunt work—yet they also romanticize the idea of a pristine, well-kept home. For them, cleanliness is framed as a form of self-respect and mental clarity.

As author Cheryl Mendelson put it in Home Comforts, “Housekeeping creates a home, not just a house.” That perspective reframes cleaning as care—for yourself, your space, and your peace of mind.

Even if you can’t outsource, you can still reframe. Put on music. Light a candle. Make it ritualistic. Instead of thinking, “I’m cleaning up a mess,” think, “I’m creating a sanctuary.”

6. Attending appointments

Doctor, dentist, physical therapy, haircuts—appointments tend to feel like obligations, not luxuries. The middle-class mindset often frames them as disruptions to an already packed schedule.

The wealthy? They often treat these very same appointments as essential acts of self-preservation. Spa treatments, wellness checkups, acupuncture, massages—these aren’t interruptions, they’re priorities.

I used to dread dentist visits until one day I reframed it: this isn’t just about teeth, it’s about caring for a body that does so much for me. That small mental shift changed everything.

What’s interesting is that the psychological benefit comes less from the service itself and more from how it’s framed. When you start seeing your appointments as deposits into your well-being rather than withdrawals from your time, they feel less burdensome.

7. Laundry and clothing care

Laundry day is notorious for being dreaded. The piles never end, and ironing? Forget it. It’s the definition of drudgery in many middle-class homes.

Yet in wealthier circles, clothing care is often seen as ritualistic. Clothes are investments, not disposable items, so laundering, pressing, and tailoring become ways of honoring what you own. The process is tied to self-image and pride.

I remember a mentor once telling me, “How you treat your clothes is how you treat yourself.” At the time I laughed it off, but later I realized the truth in it. Folding a sweater with care can be an oddly tender moment—like you’re caring for the life you’ve built.

Even something as small as choosing hangers you love or learning how to properly fold a shirt can shift laundry from burden to ritual. Instead of resenting the cycle, think of it as an opportunity to reset—like hitting the refresh button on your wardrobe.

Final thoughts

None of these activities are inherently glamorous or dreadful. They’re neutral. The difference lies in the story we tell ourselves about them.

Middle-class culture tends to frame them as duties, while wealthier circles spin them as rituals of self-respect. But you don’t need a trust fund to borrow that perspective.

Next time you’re grocery shopping, cooking, or folding laundry, pause and ask yourself: How would I experience this if I treated it as self-care instead of a chore?

Sometimes, the most radical form of luxury is not money—it’s mindset.