People who enjoy these 6 pastimes usually avoid toxic relationships

Let’s face it—recognizing and avoiding toxic relationships isn’t always easy. Sometimes it takes years of trial and error, heartbreak, or simply learning to trust your gut.

But I’ve noticed something interesting: people who naturally avoid toxic dynamics often have hobbies and pastimes that strengthen their sense of self.

Instead of seeking validation from others, these activities help build resilience, self-awareness, and inner calm.

And when you already feel grounded, it’s a lot harder for someone manipulative to pull you into their storm.

Here are six pastimes that often go hand-in-hand with healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

1. Journaling

Have you ever noticed how much clearer your mind feels after putting your thoughts on paper?

Journaling is like holding up a mirror to your inner world. When you write things down, you start to recognize patterns—like who consistently drains your energy and who supports you.

The beauty of this practice is that it gives you space to process emotions on your own terms. Instead of second-guessing yourself or relying on someone else’s version of events, you learn to trust what you feel.

That simple act of putting words to your experiences can keep you from brushing off red flags. And when you’re used to validating your own emotions, you won’t stay long in relationships where someone else dismisses them.

2. Trail running or walking in nature

Spending time outside has been a lifesaver for me. Running a wooded trail or even taking a slow walk in the park has this grounding effect that no screen can replicate.

Nature has a way of reminding you who you are without the noise of other people’s opinions.

A Stanford study found that “participants who walked in a natural setting, as opposed to an urban setting, showed reduced neural activity in an area of the brain linked to risk for mental illness.”

When you make space for calm reflection in your life, you learn to trust your instincts. That same trust translates into relationships—you’re less likely to excuse behavior that doesn’t feel right.

3. Practicing a creative hobby

Whether it’s painting, cooking, music, or even pottery, creative outlets help us explore emotions in nonverbal ways.

Toxic relationships often thrive when we suppress our self-expression. Creativity, on the other hand, nurtures authenticity.

As Rudá Iandê writes in Laughing in the Face of Chaos, “When we let go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves to live fully—embracing the mess, complexity, and richness of a life that's delightfully real.”

That line hit me hard. For years I thought I had to present a polished version of myself to be accepted.

But the more I embraced messy creativity—like scribbling terrible poems in a notebook or experimenting with odd recipes—the more I learned that real connection comes from showing up as I am.

And once you understand that, you stop entertaining relationships that demand otherwise.

4. Reading and self-education

Do you ever lose yourself in a book that challenges the way you see the world? I’ve found that the people who read regularly tend to develop sharper boundaries.

Why? Because reading expands your perspective—you realize there are countless ways to live, and you don’t need to shrink yourself to fit into one toxic dynamic.

That broader sense of connection and understanding helps you recognize when someone is trying to isolate or control you. A wider worldview leaves less room for someone else’s narrow script

And beyond that, reading gives you language for your own experiences—you can name what feels wrong instead of ignoring it.

The more stories and ideas you’re exposed to, the harder it becomes for anyone to convince you that their version of reality is the only one.

5. Gardening

There’s something about tending to plants that slows everything down. You can’t rush a seed into sprouting—you just show up consistently with water, sunlight, and care. Gardening has taught me patience and the value of small, steady effort.

Interestingly, studies show that “gardening is associated with reductions in depression and anxiety as well as increases in life satisfaction, quality of life and sense of community.”

Toxic relationships often run on urgency—demands for immediate attention, constant drama, pressure to ignore your own needs.

Gardening, by contrast, reinforces the idea that real growth takes time. When you internalize that, you’re less likely to be pulled into someone else’s chaos.

6. Volunteering

Helping others might sound like a quick path to over-giving, but volunteering tends to do just the opposite when it’s done in ways that feel right for you.

Healthy volunteering—where you choose how and when to give—reinforces boundaries and strengthens self-worth.

According to a report from the Stanford Center on Longevity, older adults who engage in productive activities like volunteering show “reduced risk of hypertension, lower mortality rates, delayed physical disability, enhanced cognition, lower rates of depression, and report higher levels of life satisfaction” compared to those who don’t volunteer.

When you feel grounded in your own value, you're less likely to tolerate relationships that drain you.

Volunteering gives you purpose, social connection, and evidence that you matter—not just to others, but to yourself.

Final thoughts

If you already enjoy one or more of these pastimes, you’ve likely built habits that protect you from toxic relationships without even realizing it.

It doesn’t mean life will be free of disappointment or hurt—because, as Rudá Iandê reminds us, “Being human means inevitably disappointing and hurting others, and the sooner you accept this reality, the easier it becomes to navigate life's challenges.”

But by grounding yourself in activities that strengthen self-awareness, authenticity, and balance, you make it much harder for manipulation and toxicity to take root.

So maybe the real takeaway isn’t just about avoiding toxic people. It’s about filling your life with practices that make you whole—so you naturally attract relationships that feel the same.