Are your friends too expensive? What a new survey reveals

I’ll be honest: I’ve skipped a birthday dinner because the “prix fixe” wasn’t in my price range.

I’ve also been the one quietly doing mental math at a group tab, wondering how my simple salad turned into a $67 line item after apps, cocktails, and “just one more” dessert got split evenly.

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and there’s fresh data to back it up.

A new survey released by Ally Bank ahead of International Friendship Day found that 44% of Gen Z and millennials have skipped major social events because of cost, while only 18% keep a strict social budget. Most say the spending dents their financial goals, yet 69% still prioritize seeing friends in person weekly.

On average? About $250 per month goes to friend-related activities. And for 1 in 5, money differences have contributed to a friendship fallout. MediaRoom

Media coverage has been blunt about the trend—some headlines frame it as young adults “can’t afford friendships”—but the story is actually more nuanced: people want connection, and they’re paying for it even when it hurts. 

So if you’re feeling squeezed socially and financially, let’s talk about how to keep your friendships strong without blowing your budget.

I’m drawing on the survey data, my years as a former financial analyst (hello, spreadsheet brain), and lessons I’ve learned from saying “yes” to too many $18 mocktails.

Before we dive in, a quick reframe: connection isn’t a luxury good. As Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki notes, “One of the most efficient ways to improve our own well-being is to commune with others.”

That doesn’t have to involve a tasting menu.

Spot the pattern

Do certain friends or settings push you to overspend? Brunch with the bottle service “add-on.”

The friend group that “always” Ubers. The destination birthday every year.

Write down your last five social outings with rough totals. Patterns jump off the page.

If your average is tracking the survey’s $250/month, you’ve got a benchmark—and a lever.

Name your number (and honor it)

Decide your monthly social cap before the invites roll in. A number turns vague guilt into clear choices.

The Ally data shows only 18% of people have a strict social budget. Be the exception.

If you set $120 this month and one dinner will eat $95, you’ll naturally steer the rest of your plans toward free or low-cost.

Try a “friendship fund”

Ally’s own money wellness lead put it simply: “FOMO is real and can lead to overspending that harms our financial well-being.”

The antidote is planning—like a dedicated bucket for friend time so “yes” doesn’t equal “yikes” later.

Whether you bank with Ally or not, the concept works. Open a separate savings pocket labeled “Friends,” auto-transfer a set amount each payday, and treat it as your social allowance. When it’s gone, it’s gone.

Swap pricey norms for meaningful rituals

Connection doesn’t scale linearly with price. Rotate a few low-cost go-tos:

• “Walk and talk” catch-ups (bonus: sunlight and steps)

• Library “cozy work” afternoons together

• Potluck + playlist night

• BYO coffee on a park bench

• Run-club, yoga-in-the-park, or thrift store challenge

The survey shows 23% are already doing “no-spend hangs”—you can join that trend and make it your signature. MediaRoom

Script your money talk (so it’s not awkward)

Here’s a line I use when a plan overshoots my budget:

“Looks fun! I’m keeping my social spend tight this month—could we do X instead?”

You don’t owe a spreadsheet, just clarity. And honesty matters: nearly 1 in 5 respondents admitted they’ve felt they couldn’t be honest about finances with friends. Your transparency can be a relief valve for everyone else.

Replace “split evenly” with fair splits

Even splits often punish the person who orders modestly. Suggest this instead, before the server takes payment:

“Can we split by item today? I only had the salad and iced tea.”

It’s a tiny boundary that saves big over time. If someone pushes back, you’ve learned something about the group dynamic. (And if the venue allows individual checks from the start, say so early.)

Catch the “social surcharge” before you tap

When the plan seems reasonable, costs creep.

I build a mental “surcharge” into decisions: extra rideshares, tax/tip, that cute place with the $8 water. Add 30% to your quick estimate.

If the inflated total still fits your number, green light. If not, decline or modify.

Rotate hosts and price ceilings

If dinners out are your friendship love language, suggest rotating hosts and setting a per-person ceiling (“Let’s cap at $15 each for ingredients”).

Clear constraints invite creativity—and everyone shows up.

Offer the alternative, not just a “no”

Hard passes land softer with a Plan B.

“I’m out for the concert—tickets are wild—but I’m free Sunday for a hike.”

You’re saying no to a price, not no to the person.

Watch for money imbalance red flags

The Ally findings mention 20% of people tying friendship fallouts to financial or lifestyle gaps.

If you’re repeatedly shamed for setting limits, coerced into even splits that don’t reflect what you ate, or made to feel “cheap,” that’s information.

Real friends want you there, not your wallet.

Be strategic with “splurge slots”

I keep two “splurge slots” a quarter. Birthdays I care about, a once-a-year show, or a friend’s big milestone.

Protect those by saying no to the random in-betweens.

If your average is $250/month and you want that down to $125, splurge slots plus a clear monthly cap can get you there without social FOMO.

Use smaller groups to save money—and deepen bonds

Large groups are fun but tend to be pricier and more “even split”-prone.

Suggest 1:1 or triad hangouts more often. Bonus: depth of conversation, not volume of spending, is what nourishes us.

As psychologist Jamil Zaki emphasizes, connection itself is a well-being engine (see quote above).

Don’t confuse generosity with silence

I learned this the hard way in my analyst days.

I stayed quiet about cost while chipping in for shareable starters I didn’t touch and Ubers I didn’t need. I told myself I was being generous.

Actually, I was being unclear.

Generosity is bringing homemade dessert, spotting a friend when it feels good, or hosting movie night.

Silence is letting your finances take the hit because you’re afraid to speak up.

Make it easy for friends to include you

If you say “I can’t afford it” without offering alternatives, people might stop inviting you.

That’s not malice; it’s logistics.

Keep a short, ready-to-send list: “Here are three things I can do this week under $10.”

You’ll still be top of mind when the group pivots plans.

Audit the “why” behind your yes

Sometimes we overspend to soothe other feelings: fear of missing out, wanting to look “successful,” or avoiding conflict.

The Ally survey calls out FOMO directly, and it’s powerful.

Naming the driver helps you choose differently.

Remember: friends usually want you more than your money

In the same Ally release, the head of consumer banking said, “You can have both—meaningful friendships and healthy finances—it just takes a little planning.”

I’ve found that true. The right people would rather change the plan than lose the person.

What the new survey really reveals

To me, the headline isn’t “friendship is too expensive”—it’s that we’re still choosing friendship, even when money is tight. That’s actually hopeful. It means the motivation is there; we just need better systems and scripts.

• People do overspend for connection (42%).

• Most don’t budget for it (only 18%).

• Many still prioritize weekly in-person time (69%).

• Money differences can strain or end friendships (20%).

The fix isn’t to become a hermit. It’s to get proactive: set your number, pitch affordable plans, and have the awkward-but-brief money talk early.

You’ll protect your peace, keep your people, and stop letting the check dictate the friendship.

As for that pricey birthday dinner I skipped? I sent a handwritten card, dropped off cupcakes the next day, and took my friend for a walk along the river the following week.

She told me it meant more than another night shouting over a loud restaurant.

Turns out, we can afford friendship—when we pay attention to what actually makes it rich.