If you do these 7 things in conversations, psychologists say people will instantly respect you

We’ve all been there — that moment when you meet someone new and can just feel that they’ve got it.

They speak, and people lean in. They listen, and people open up. They walk away, and somehow, everyone’s thinking, I like that person.

It’s not magic — it’s psychology. And the good news is, it’s something you can learn.

After reading through tons of research (and making more than a few social blunders of my own over the years), I’ve noticed a pattern.

There are a handful of things people do in conversations that make others instantly respect them — not out of fear, but out of genuine admiration.

Let’s dive into the seven that matter most.

1) You actually listen — and I mean really listen

You’d think this one would be obvious. But in an age where most of us are half-listening while mentally drafting our next sentence or scrolling on our phones, real listening has become a rare art.

Psychologists call it “active listening,” and it’s one of the strongest predictors of social respect.

Why? Because when you give someone your full attention, you’re sending a subtle but powerful signal: You matter.

I’ve mentioned this before in another post, but there’s something magnetic about people who are genuinely curious.

When someone tells me a story and I ask follow-up questions — not to fill the silence, but because I’m genuinely interested — the whole energy changes.

They open up, their tone softens, and suddenly, there’s real connection.

Next time you’re in conversation, try this: Stop thinking about what you’ll say next. Look them in the eyes. Listen not just to their words but to their tone and body language.

You’ll be surprised how much respect naturally follows.

2) You speak with calm confidence, not volume

Respect isn’t about being the loudest in the room — it’s about being the most centered.

I learned this the hard way. Years ago, when I was freelancing in music journalism, I used to overcompensate in conversations with artists or editors.

I thought that if I spoke quickly, cracked a few jokes, and filled every silence, I’d seem confident.

It had the opposite effect. People tuned out.

Then, I interviewed a producer who barely said more than a few sentences the entire time. But when he did speak, every word carried weight.

He didn’t rush. He didn’t fidget. He just spoke like someone who didn’t need to prove anything.

Psychologists say calmness in speech is tied to perceived competence and emotional control — traits that make people seem trustworthy and respectable.

Pause between sentences. Lower your tone slightly. Breathe. You’ll seem not only more composed but more confident — and confidence quietly commands respect.

3) You validate others’ experiences

One of the most underrated social skills? Validation.

When someone shares something — whether it’s a struggle, frustration, or success — and you acknowledge their emotion, you’re signaling empathy.

And empathy is one of the fastest ways to earn respect.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything someone says. It just means you recognize how they feel.

For example:

• When a coworker vents about a stressful project, instead of jumping in with advice, you might say, “That sounds like a lot to handle. I get why you’d feel overwhelmed.”

• Or when a friend shares an idea they’re excited about, you could respond with, “I can tell you’ve really thought this through. That’s awesome.”

Tiny phrases, big impact. Validation tells people you’re emotionally intelligent — and emotionally intelligent people are universally respected.

4) You share stories, not lectures

Ever notice how some people can make even a mundane topic sound fascinating? They don’t just tell you things — they show you through stories.

Psychologists say our brains are wired for narrative.

Stories light up the parts of our brain associated with empathy and imagination. They help people relate to you, not just understand you.

When I first went vegan, I used to quote studies, documentaries, all the data I could find. I thought information alone would change minds.

Spoiler: it didn’t.

What worked was sharing why I changed — the personal side of it. How I started feeling lighter, more connected to my food, more aware of my choices. That made people lean in, not tune out.

Next time you’re trying to make a point, try turning it into a story. Respect doesn’t come from sounding smart; it comes from being real.

5) You’re comfortable with silence

Here’s something I learned while traveling through Japan: silence in conversation isn’t awkward — it’s respectful.

In many Western cultures, we rush to fill every pause. We assume silence means something’s wrong.

But psychologists say people who can sit comfortably in silence are often seen as confident and thoughtful.

Think about it — when someone isn’t afraid of quiet, it tells you they’re not desperate for approval. They’re grounded.

I tried this intentionally a while back during a conversation with a client who liked to talk… a lot. Instead of jumping in at every pause, I let the silence breathe.

What happened? He filled it with insights I might’ve missed otherwise. And at the end, he thanked me for being such a “great listener.”

Sometimes, silence says more than words ever could.

6) You own your perspective without dismissing others’

There’s a huge difference between saying, “That’s wrong,” and saying, “That’s not how I see it.”

Respect in conversation often hinges on how we handle disagreement.

You can have wildly different views from someone and still leave them feeling heard — if you express your opinions with humility.

I like how F. Scott Fitzgerald puts it: “To be kind is more important than to be right.”

That’s something I try to remember every time I get into a heated discussion — whether it’s about politics, food choices, or even music (don’t get me started on 90s indie bands).

Owning your opinion calmly, while showing curiosity about the other person’s, builds mutual respect. You can disagree without being disagreeable.

Next time someone challenges your point, try this: Instead of debating to win, aim to understand. Say something like, “That’s interesting — I hadn’t looked at it that way.” It keeps the conversation open, and respect intact.

7) You express gratitude genuinely

There’s a reason gratitude shows up in so many psychology studies on happiness and social connection.

It’s one of the most disarming, human things you can express.

When someone helps you, listens to you, or even just gives you their time — acknowledge it.

Not with a robotic “thanks,” but with something sincere like, “I really appreciate you taking the time to talk about this,” or “I value your perspective on that.”

People remember that.

And here’s the part I find fascinating: researchers at the University of North Carolina found that expressing gratitude not only increases how much others like and respect you — it actually makes you see them more positively too.

It’s a cycle of mutual respect.

I’ve made it a habit to send quick thank-you texts after meaningful conversations, whether personal or professional. It takes 20 seconds, but it often leads to stronger, longer-lasting connections.

The bottom line

Respect isn’t about dominance or charisma or saying the “right” things. It’s about presence — the energy you bring into a conversation and how you make others feel.

You don’t need to fake confidence or memorize clever lines. You just need to show up with curiosity, calm, and authenticity.

Because the people who earn the most respect aren’t the ones talking the most. They’re the ones making everyone else feel seen, understood, and valued.

Next time you find yourself in conversation — pause, listen, and lead with empathy. That’s where real respect begins.