If you were raised in a strict household in the '70s or '80s, these 8 habits probably still follow you

Growing up in a strict household in the ‘70s or ‘80s left its mark on a lot of us. Back then, parents ruled with an iron fist (and sometimes, a wooden spoon). The motto was clear: children should be seen and not heard. There wasn’t much space for open emotional expression, and even less for questioning authority.

Fast forward a few decades, and many of us are still living out the quiet echoes of those childhood rules, just in subtler, adult-shaped ways.

Let’s unpack some of the habits that might still be hanging around and how to start softening their grip.

1) You apologize for everything

Did you bump into someone at the grocery store and immediately blurt out, “Oh, sorry”? Even if it was their fault?

This one runs deep for those of us who grew up in homes where perfection and politeness were non-negotiable.

Back then, it wasn’t just about saying sorry, it was about keeping the peace, avoiding punishment, and making sure we weren’t “disrespectful.”

But here’s the thing: chronic apologizing doesn’t actually make people like you more. It can make you seem unsure of yourself, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

I used to catch myself apologizing to the barista if my order took too long to explain. One day she smiled and said, “You don’t need to be sorry for ordering coffee!” It hit me, my apologies weren’t politeness; they were old habits of self-minimization.

Try swapping “sorry” for “thank you.” “Sorry I’m late” becomes “Thank you for waiting.”

Small shift. Huge difference.

2) You equate rest with laziness

In a lot of households back then, hard work was practically a religion. Taking a nap? That was “wasting daylight.” Watching TV for an hour? You’d get a lecture about “idle hands.”

If you still feel guilty when you rest, it’s not your fault, it’s conditioning. Strict upbringings often wired us to associate productivity with worth. But here’s what I’ve learned (and continue to remind myself): rest is not a reward, it’s a necessity.

The next time you feel that tug of guilt while lounging on a Sunday, remind yourself you’re recharging, not slacking.

3) You struggle to make decisions without approval

Did you grow up having every move second-guessed? Maybe you weren’t allowed to choose your own clothes, music, or even friends. If so, it makes sense that now, as an adult, decision-making feels heavy.

Strict parenting often fosters dependence on authority figures. As kids, our job was to obey, not decide. So even now, you might find yourself double-checking your choices, hesitating to act without someone’s nod of approval.

I see this pattern often in friends my age: the pause before saying “yes,” the “What do you think?” reflex before trusting their own judgment.

Here’s what’s helped me: start with small choices and back yourself up. Pick the restaurant. Wear the bold jacket. Make the call. Over time, your self-trust strengthens, one small decision at a time.

4) You avoid conflict like it’s the plague

Growing up in a strict household meant that talking back was dangerous territory. Many of us learned that expressing disagreement equaled “disrespect.”

So as adults, we do everything we can to dodge conflict, staying silent, smoothing things over, or downplaying how we feel.

But avoiding confrontation doesn’t make problems disappear; it just buries them until they resurface later, often messier.

I’ll be honest: I still get anxious before difficult conversations. But I’ve learned that expressing myself clearly and calmly is far less painful than swallowing my truth. You can be respectful and still stand your ground, those two things are not opposites.

5) You overvalue rules and structure

There’s comfort in order, isn’t there? If you grew up in a household where “the rules are the rules,” it’s easy to become an adult who clings to routines and structure like a lifeline.

You might find yourself uneasy when plans change, irritated when others bend the rules, or overwhelmed in situations with too much flexibility.

I get it, rules gave us safety growing up. But they also limited our creativity and spontaneity. As an adult, it’s okay to let life get a little messy. Some of the best moments happen when things don’t go according to plan.

Try this: once in a while, deliberately break a tiny rule. Eat dessert before dinner. Skip the gym for a long walk in the rain. You might be surprised by how freeing it feels.

6) You have trouble expressing your emotions

In the ‘70s and ‘80s, many parents didn’t have the emotional vocabulary we expect today. Tears were “drama.” Anger was “disrespect.” Sadness was brushed off with, “You’re fine.”

So what did we learn? To shut down.

That emotional restraint may have helped us survive childhood, but it can isolate us in adulthood. We become experts at intellectualizing our feelings instead of expressing them.

I used to tell people, “I’m fine” before even checking in with myself. Now, I pause and ask: What am I actually feeling? Naming emotions is uncomfortable at first, but over time, it builds emotional fluency.

If this resonates, try journaling or therapy. They create safe spaces to unlearn the old “keep it together” script.

7) You’re overly self-reliant

If you grew up with strict parents, you probably heard phrases like “You made your bed, now lie in it” or “Don’t depend on anyone.”

That message, be strong, do it yourself, gets baked into your identity. As adults, we take pride in handling everything alone, but deep down, it can feel exhausting.

Here’s the irony: independence was our survival skill, but it can become a barrier to connection. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.

A few years ago, I started volunteering at a local farmers’ market. I was used to being the helper, not the helped. When another volunteer offered to carry my heavy boxes, my instinct was to say, “No, I’ve got it.”

But then I stopped myself. I said, “Actually, thank you.” That small act of acceptance reminded me that vulnerability builds community.

8) You fear failure more than you should

Strict households often equated mistakes with shame, not learning. If you spilled something, you were “careless.” If you got a B instead of an A, you “weren’t trying hard enough.”

So now, even minor slip-ups might send your inner critic into overdrive. You might procrastinate on big goals, not because you’re lazy, but because you’re scared of falling short.

But failure isn’t fatal, it’s feedback.

One of my mentors once told me, “You can’t grow in a comfort zone, and you can’t stay comfortable while growing.” That stuck with me.

When I left my finance career to start writing, I was terrified. I kept waiting for someone to tell me I was making the wrong move. No one did. I made mistakes, sure, but each one taught me something I couldn’t have learned from playing it safe.

Final thoughts

If you recognize yourself in several of these habits, you’re not alone. Many of us who grew up under strict parenting learned to equate love with obedience, worth with performance, and peace with silence.

But here’s the good news: awareness changes everything. The moment you notice these old scripts still playing out, you can begin to rewrite them.

Start small. Let yourself rest without guilt. Speak up when something bothers you. Ask for help.
You don’t have to throw out every piece of structure or discipline you were raised with, some of those traits made you resilient, responsible, and dependable.

But you can soften the edges. You can blend those old lessons with new ones: compassion, balance, and emotional freedom.

After all, being raised in a strict household may have shaped who you are, but it doesn’t have to define who you become.