I asked 35 boomers what they wish their kids understood about them — and the answers were painfully honest

When I asked 35 boomers what they wish their adult kids truly understood about them, I expected a handful of familiar themes. Maybe the usual gripes about technology or complaints about “kids these days.”

But the answers I got weren’t shallow at all. They were raw, unfiltered, and often vulnerable.

What struck me most was how much of the tension between generations comes down to misperceptions. Parents and kids think they’re on different planets, when in reality, they’re just missing each other by a few degrees.

Here’s what surfaced in those conversations—and why I think they matter.

They’re not as confident as they look

One of the most common threads? Boomers don’t want to be seen as “set in their ways” or all-knowing.

Many admitted they still second-guess themselves, worry about the future, and feel insecure about decisions they’ve made.

A retired engineer told me, “My kids think I’ve always been sure of myself. Truth is, I winged half my career and hoped nobody noticed.”

It made me think about how easy it is to project stability onto our parents simply because they’re older. But age doesn’t erase self-doubt—it just teaches you to hide it better.

Psychologists sometimes call this the “impostor cycle.” We think our parents escaped it, but many are still quietly wrestling with the same fears we are.

They worry about being left behind

Several boomers confessed to a quiet fear of irrelevance.

Not just with technology (though more than a few admitted they feel overwhelmed by it), but socially and culturally too. One woman said she feels like the world moves so fast that her opinions don’t matter anymore.

It’s painful to imagine how isolating that must feel. Their kids may see them as stubborn or resistant, but often, what’s underneath is fear of being shut out of conversations that shape the world.

And maybe that’s a reminder to ask them what they think, even if we expect a different perspective. Respect doesn’t mean agreement—it means valuing someone’s voice enough to let it into the room.

They don’t want to be a burden

This came up again and again: boomers are terrified of being a weight on their kids.

A man in his late sixties told me he sometimes hides his health issues because he doesn’t want to be pitied. Another shared that she’s already downsizing her life so her kids “won’t have to deal with all my stuff later.”

It’s easy for younger generations to assume parents will lean on them automatically. But many boomers are doing quiet mental gymnastics trying to minimize the load they leave behind.

And there is some evidence of this pressure. For instance, many older adults still avoid talking about mental health or seeking help, partly because of lingering stigma.

That mix of pride and love is complicated. It makes me wonder if having more open conversations about aging would ease that silent pressure. Instead of “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it,” maybe the more healing response is, “Let’s figure this out together.”

They regret not saying “I love you” more

This one hurt.

Several boomers admitted they struggle to say the words out loud, even when they feel them deeply. One father said, “My kids know I love them. I just wish I’d said it more, instead of assuming they knew.”

I think part of this comes from the era they were raised in. For many, affection wasn’t modeled openly at home. Emotions were something you handled privately.

It doesn’t mean they didn’t feel love—it means they often didn’t have the tools to express it. That gap lingers in adulthood, even when they desperately want to bridge it.

And here’s the catch: they often wish their kids would take the lead. A hug, a direct “I love you,” a simple “I appreciate you”—those gestures open a door they find hard to unlock on their own.

They need forgiveness more than advice

When I asked what they most wish their kids understood, one word kept surfacing: forgiveness.

Not for giant mistakes necessarily, but for the little moments they wish they’d handled differently—times they worked too much, said something harsh, or failed to listen.

One mother told me, “I don’t need my kids to tell me what I should have done. I just need them to know I did my best with what I knew at the time.”

It reminded me how tempting it can be, as an adult child, to analyze everything our parents got wrong. But sometimes, the real gift is letting go of the scorecard.

Research on family forgiveness has shown that forgiveness within families is strongly linked to healthier relationships, better emotional well-being, and more cohesive family climates.

Forgiveness isn’t saying what happened was okay—it’s saying, “I won’t keep dragging this into the present.” And that’s often what parents need most.

They crave respect, not obedience

This one made me stop in my tracks.

Boomers don’t necessarily want their kids to follow their rules anymore. They know their kids have their own lives, their own values, their own way of navigating the world.

But they do want respect. They want their perspective to be taken seriously, even when it’s not agreed with.

One man put it simply: “I don’t care if they do what I say. I care that they don’t roll their eyes when I talk.”

It’s a small distinction, but it changes everything. Respect is about listening with openness—even when you ultimately choose a different path.

They want their kids to see them as whole people

This might be the most universal truth that came up.

Boomers don’t want to be reduced to just “mom” or “dad.” They had identities, dreams, heartbreaks, and adventures long before parenthood.

One woman told me, “I wish my kids asked me who I was before they were born. I’d like them to know that version of me.”

That landed hard. How often do we forget to see our parents as three-dimensional humans, not just the roles they’ve played in our lives?

Sometimes the simplest question—“What was your life like before me?”—can change the entire dynamic. It reminds them they’re still evolving, still worth being known.

How to open these conversations

If you’re reading this and thinking, Okay, but how do I actually talk about these things with my parents?, you’re not alone. The truth is, most of us avoid these conversations because they feel heavy.

But here’s the thing: they don’t have to start heavy.

Try curiosity. Instead of “Why didn’t you ever say I love you?” ask “Did your parents say ‘I love you’ growing up?” That way, you’re opening a window, not pointing a finger.

Or share your own vulnerability first. Saying something like, “I’ve realized I sometimes avoid talking about feelings because it’s uncomfortable” can make them feel safer admitting the same.

And most importantly: don’t wait for the “perfect” time. These conversations rarely happen on schedule. They slip in during car rides, while making dinner, or in those unplanned quiet moments.

Why this matters for all of us

Listening to these stories, I kept thinking about how easily generations can drift apart—not because of lack of love, but because of lack of translation.

Kids see parents as symbols. Parents see kids as extensions of themselves. And somewhere in the middle, the real humans get lost.

What struck me most wasn’t just the honesty of these boomers, but their vulnerability. The things they most wish their kids understood weren’t about politics or career choices or even money. They were about being seen, forgiven, and remembered as full human beings.

And maybe that’s where the opportunity is for all of us. To take a step back, to ask one more question, to listen with a little less judgment and a little more curiosity.

Because when I sat with these 35 boomers, what they wanted wasn’t complicated. They didn’t want their kids to idolize them, or to copy them, or to live out their unfulfilled dreams.

They just wanted to be understood.

And maybe, in the end, that’s what all of us want.