The scars you've collected from life's unexpected battles might feel like weaknesses, but they're actually proof of an emotional strength that most people never develop—and science shows it peaks right around age 50.
Life has this funny way of throwing curveballs when you least expect them, doesn't it?
By the time you hit 50, you've probably weathered storms you never saw coming. Some of us have faced financial ruin, lost people we couldn't imagine living without, or watched our bodies betray us in ways that shook us to our core.
And while these experiences can feel devastating in the moment, they're actually forging something powerful within you: emotional resilience that most people never develop.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after reading Rudá Iandê's new book Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life. His insights about how "being human means inevitably disappointing and hurting others, and the sooner you accept this reality, the easier it becomes to navigate life's challenges" really hit home.
It reminded me that our hardships aren't just random misfortunes. They're the very experiences that shape us into emotionally stronger beings.
So if you've faced any of these nine types of hardship before turning 50, you're tougher than you might realize.
1. Losing someone you thought you'd grow old with
Whether through death, divorce, or a friendship that simply faded away, losing someone who was supposed to be there forever changes you fundamentally. You learn that love doesn't guarantee permanence, and that's both heartbreaking and liberating.
When my corporate career ended and I transitioned to writing, I lost most of my finance colleagues as friends. People I'd shared countless lunches and late nights with suddenly became strangers. It taught me who was authentic and who was just there for the proximity. The pain of those losses made me value genuine connections even more.
2. Watching your parents become vulnerable
Remember when your parents seemed invincible? Then one day, you're helping them with technology, driving them to doctor's appointments, or making decisions about their care.
My father's heart attack at 68 flipped my world upside down. Suddenly, the man who taught me to ride a bike needed me to be strong for him. If you've been through this role reversal, you know it requires a type of emotional strength that nothing else quite prepares you for.
3. Facing a health crisis that made you question everything
Have you ever had that moment in a doctor's office where time seemed to stop? Maybe it was a suspicious test result, a diagnosis you weren't prepared for, or an accident that left you wondering if you'd ever be the same.
These experiences strip away all the superficial worries and force you to confront what really matters. You learn that your body isn't invincible, but you also discover reserves of strength you didn't know existed.
4. Experiencing complete professional burnout
At 36, I hit a wall so hard it sent me straight to therapy. The burnout wasn't just exhaustion; it was a complete re-evaluation of what success meant to me. If you've been there, you know it feels like drowning in responsibilities while everyone around you wonders why you can't just keep swimming.
Two years later, at 38, that burnout became a full breakdown. But here's what I learned: sometimes a breakdown is actually a breakthrough in disguise. It forces you to rebuild from scratch, and what you build the second time is usually much more authentic.
5. Surviving financial devastation
I witnessed the 2008 financial crisis firsthand, watching fear drive otherwise rational people to make terrible decisions. Maybe you've been there too: watching your savings evaporate, losing a home, or starting over from zero when you thought you'd be secure by now.
Financial hardship teaches you something profound about resilience. You learn that security isn't really about money in the bank; it's about knowing you can rebuild no matter what happens.
6. Betrayal by someone you trusted completely
This one cuts deep, doesn't it? Whether it's a business partner who screwed you over, a spouse who broke their vows, or a friend who shared your secrets, betrayal rewires your ability to trust.
But here's the thing: if you've survived betrayal and learned to trust again, even cautiously, you've developed a sophisticated emotional intelligence that most people never achieve. You know how to balance openness with boundaries, and that's incredibly powerful.
7. Failing at something you poured your soul into
What dream did you chase that didn't work out? Maybe it was a business that went under, a marriage that ended despite your best efforts, or a creative project that never found its audience.
These failures teach us that effort doesn't always equal outcome, but they also show us we can survive our worst fears coming true. That knowledge makes you braver than someone who's never risked big.
8. Caring for someone through their darkest moments
Have you been the person holding someone together while they fell apart? Maybe you've supported a partner through depression, helped a child through addiction, or been the rock for a parent with dementia.
This type of hardship demands emotional strength that goes beyond self-preservation. You learn to be strong for someone else when you barely have strength for yourself, and that builds a resilience most people never need to develop.
9. Confronting your own mental health struggles
If you've battled anxiety, depression, or any mental health challenge, you know it takes a special kind of courage to face the enemy that lives in your own mind.
Reading Rudá Iandê's book recently reminded me that "anxiety is not merely a problem to be solved but a gateway to a richer, more real way of being." The struggles with our own minds teach us compassion, both for ourselves and others, that people who've never been there simply can't access.
Final thoughts
If you've experienced even half of these hardships, you're walking around with emotional armor that most people will never develop. These experiences haven't just hurt you; they've transformed you into someone who can weather storms that would break others.
The truth is, by 50, life has usually delivered enough challenges to either break us or make us incredibly strong. If you're still standing, still fighting, still showing up despite everything you've been through, you're tougher than you give yourself credit for.
Your scars aren't signs of weakness. They're proof that you've lived, really lived, and survived experiences that would have destroyed someone with less resilience. That emotional toughness you've earned? It's one of the most valuable things you'll ever possess.
So the next time you doubt your strength, remember everything you've already survived. You're not just getting older; you're becoming emotionally indestructible. And that's something worth celebrating.
Just launched: Laughing in the Face of Chaos by Rudá Iandê
Exhausted from trying to hold it all together?
You show up. You smile. You say the right things. But under the surface, something’s tightening. Maybe you don’t want to “stay positive” anymore. Maybe you’re done pretending everything’s fine.
This book is your permission slip to stop performing. To understand chaos at its root and all of your emotional layers.
In Laughing in the Face of Chaos, Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê brings over 30 years of deep, one-on-one work helping people untangle from the roles they’ve been stuck in—so they can return to something real. He exposes the quiet pressure to be good, be successful, be spiritual—and shows how freedom often lives on the other side of that pressure.
This isn’t a book about becoming your best self. It’s about becoming your real self.
