After following the middle-class success playbook perfectly, straight A's, good college, 70-hour weeks, I discovered at 35 that almost everything I'd been taught about "making it" was a lie designed for a world that no longer exists.
Looking back, I realize I spent the first 35 years of my life chasing someone else's definition of success. Growing up in a middle-class suburb with a teacher mom and engineer dad, I absorbed every piece of advice about "making it" like gospel. Get straight A's, go to a good college, climb the corporate ladder, and happiness will follow, right?
Wrong. So very wrong.
After years as a financial analyst working 70-hour weeks and finally paying off crushing student loans, I discovered that most of what I'd been taught about success was outdated at best, and completely false at worst. These weren't intentional lies, but well-meaning advice from a generation that lived in a very different world.
If you grew up middle class like I did, you probably heard these same promises. And if you're feeling frustrated that they haven't panned out, you're not alone.
1. Just work hard and you'll be rewarded
Remember being told that hard work always pays off? That if you just put in the effort, success would naturally follow?
I certainly bought into this one. At 23, I started as a junior analyst, convinced that my 70-hour weeks would fast-track me to the top. I missed birthdays, skipped vacations, and ate dinner at my desk more nights than I care to remember. My reward? Watching less dedicated colleagues get promoted because they were better at office politics or had the right connections.
The truth is, working hard is just table stakes now. What actually moves the needle? Strategic thinking, relationship building, and knowing when to say no. Sometimes the person who leaves at 5 PM to network at industry events advances faster than the one burning midnight oil on spreadsheets.
Success isn't just about effort anymore. It's about working smart, building relationships, and understanding that visibility often matters more than pure productivity.
2. A college degree guarantees a good job
"Just get your degree and doors will open," they said. "It doesn't even matter what you study, as long as you have that diploma."
This might have been true when our parents graduated, but by the time I entered the job market, everyone had a degree. It had become the bare minimum, not a golden ticket. And that student loan debt I took on to get it? It haunted me for over a decade, limiting my choices and keeping me stuck in jobs I hated because I needed the paycheck.
Today's reality is that specific skills, certifications, and real-world experience often matter more than where you went to school or what you majored in. The tech industry is full of successful people without degrees, while plenty of graduates are underemployed and drowning in debt.
3. Follow your passion and the money will follow
This one sounds so inspiring, doesn't it? Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life!
Except passion doesn't pay rent. And turning your hobby into your job can actually kill the joy you once found in it. I've watched friends try to monetize their passions only to end up resenting the very things they once loved.
What actually works? Finding something you're good at that people will pay for, then using that income to fund your passions on the side. Not every interest needs to become a career, and that's perfectly okay.
4. Stay loyal to one company and they'll take care of you
My parents' generation could work for one company their entire career and retire with a pension. They preached company loyalty like it was a moral virtue.
But corporations today view employees as expenses to minimize, not assets to nurture. I watched colleagues who'd given decades to a company get laid off with two weeks' notice during a "restructuring." Meanwhile, those who job-hopped every few years saw their salaries increase by 20-30% with each move.
The new reality? Your career is your responsibility. Companies will take care of themselves first, so you need to do the same.
5. Climbing the corporate ladder is the only path to success
Growing up, success had one look: a corner office, an impressive title, and a team of people reporting to you. Alternative paths weren't even discussed.
But after years in finance, making excellent money yet feeling completely unfulfilled, I learned that the traditional ladder isn't for everyone. Some of my happiest former colleagues left to become consultants, start businesses, or take lateral moves that gave them better work-life balance.
Success can look like freelancing from a beach, running a small business you love, or staying in a role you enjoy without the stress of management. The ladder is just one option among many.
6. Buying a house is always a smart investment
"Rent is throwing money away," I heard constantly. "Buy a house as soon as you can. It's the best investment you'll ever make."
This advice assumes housing prices always go up, that you'll stay in one place long enough to build equity, and that maintenance costs won't eat you alive. It ignores the flexibility renting provides and the opportunity cost of tying up your down payment in an illiquid asset.
For some people in some markets, buying makes sense. For others, renting and investing the difference yields better returns. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, despite what we were told.
7. Avoid all risk and play it safe
Middle-class families often preach safety above all. Get the stable job, take the predictable path, don't rock the boat. Risk was something for rich people who could afford to fail or poor people who had nothing to lose.
But playing it safe is often the riskiest move of all. While I stayed in my "safe" corporate job, the world changed around me. Friends who took calculated risks, started businesses, learned new skills, or switched careers entirely ended up in much better positions.
The real risk is becoming obsolete by never stepping outside your comfort zone.
8. Money equals happiness once you have enough
"Just get to six figures," I told myself. "Then you'll be happy." When that didn't work, I moved the goalpost. Maybe at the next bonus, the next promotion, the next milestone.
But beyond meeting basic needs and having some financial security, more money has diminishing returns on happiness. I learned this the hard way, making more money than I'd ever dreamed of while feeling emptier than ever.
What actually contributes to happiness? Meaningful relationships, purposeful work, personal growth, and experiences. These things can't be bought, despite what we were taught.
The real path forward
If these "truths" we grew up with are lies, what should we believe instead?
Here's what I've learned: Question everything. What worked for previous generations won't necessarily work for you. Build multiple income streams instead of relying on one job. Invest in skills, not just credentials. Create your own definition of success rather than accepting someone else's.
Most importantly, give yourself permission to change course. I left finance to become a writer, trading a fat salary for work that actually matters to me. Was it scary? Absolutely. Was it worth it? Without question.
The middle-class values we inherited aren't all wrong, but they need serious updating for today's world. Take what serves you, leave what doesn't, and don't be afraid to write your own rules.
Your parents meant well. They gave you the best advice they had based on their experience. But the world has changed, and so must our approach to success. The sooner we let go of these outdated beliefs, the sooner we can build lives that actually work for us.
If You Were a Healing Herb, Which Would You Be?
Each herb holds a unique kind of magic — soothing, awakening, grounding, or clarifying.
This 9-question quiz reveals the healing plant that mirrors your energy right now and what it says about your natural rhythm.
✨ Instant results. Deeply insightful.
