9 things that were considered polite in the 80s that now make you look completely out of touch

I was at dinner with my parents last month when my mother made a comment that stopped me mid-bite. "You know," she said, "people today just don't have manners anymore."

She was talking about how a neighbor had texted before dropping by instead of just showing up at the door. To her, this felt cold and distant. To me, it felt perfectly considerate.

That moment reminded me how much the rules of politeness have shifted. The behaviors that once signaled good breeding and respect can now make you seem rigid, out of touch, or even inconsiderate.

If you grew up in the 80s or were raised by people who did, you might be holding onto etiquette rules that no longer serve you. Here are nine things that were considered polite back then but will make you look completely out of step today.

1) Dropping by someone's house unannounced

Remember when showing up at a friend's door without warning was considered friendly and spontaneous? In the 80s, this was perfectly normal. You'd just swing by, ring the doorbell, and expect to be welcomed in for coffee.

These days? That'll get you a confused look through the Ring camera and a frantic text asking "Is everything okay?!"

I learned this the hard way when my mother dropped by my place unannounced last year, the way she always did when I was growing up. She seemed genuinely hurt when I explained that I had plans and couldn't visit. To her generation, an open door policy was the height of hospitality.

But here's the reality: we've shifted to a culture that values personal space and advance notice. Our homes have become sanctuaries where we recharge, and unexpected visitors can feel invasive rather than thoughtful. A quick text asking "Are you free for a visit this weekend?" shows much more respect for someone's time and boundaries.

2) Calling instead of texting first

My father still picks up the phone and calls without any warning. No text. No "Is now a good time?" Just straight to the phone call.

In the 80s, this was the only option. You called someone when you wanted to talk to them. Simple.

Now, an unexpected phone call triggers mild panic. Is someone in the hospital? Did something terrible happen? Why didn't they just text?

The shift reflects how we manage our attention and energy differently. We're constantly juggling multiple demands, vand an unscheduled phone call demands immediate, undivided attention. A text lets someone respond when they have the mental space for it.

If you want to stay current, shoot a quick message first asking if they're available to talk. It's not cold or impersonal, it's considerate.

3) Writing lengthy thank you notes for minor gestures

Growing up, my mother insisted I write formal thank you cards for everything. Someone gave me a ride home? Thank you card. A classmate lent me a pencil? Thank you card.

This elaborate gratitude ritual was considered good manners in the 80s. Handwritten notes showed you were thoughtful and well-raised.

Fast forward to today, and sending a formal thank you card for everyday kindness feels excessive and even awkward. A sincere "thank you so much" in person or a genuine text message is usually more than sufficient.

This isn't about being less grateful. It's about matching the gesture to the situation. Save the handwritten notes for truly significant kindnesses like someone hosting you for a weekend or going substantially out of their way to help. For everyday courtesies, a warm, immediate acknowledgment is perfectly appropriate and often more meaningful.

4) Using formal titles for everyone

Does anyone remember when you had to call every adult "Mr." or "Mrs." no matter what? In the 80s, using someone's first name without permission was practically scandalous.

I still catch myself doing this sometimes, a habit from my nearly 20 years in finance where everyone was "Mr. Thompson" or "Ms. Rodriguez" in meetings. Even my demanding boss insisted on formal address, seeing it as a sign of professionalism and respect.

But modern workplace culture has shifted dramatically toward informality. Using someone's first name is now standard, even expected. Insisting on titles can make you seem stuffy, hierarchical, or out of step with collaborative work environments.

The exception? Medical professionals, professors, and people who've specifically requested a title. Otherwise, first names signal approachability and equality rather than disrespect.

5) Never discussing money or salaries

"We don't talk about money" was practically the 11th commandment when I was growing up. My parents, an engineer and a teacher, considered financial discussions incredibly rude and private.

This silence around money was meant to be polite and prevent awkwardness. In the 80s, asking about someone's salary or discussing your own was seen as crass and inappropriate.

Well, that mindset has done significant damage. I witnessed this firsthand in finance when I was passed over for promotion twice while male colleagues advanced. Why? Partly because none of us discussed what we were earning. The secrecy benefited employers and perpetuated pay gaps.

Today, salary transparency is increasingly seen as necessary for equity. Discussing compensation helps people understand their market value and identify discrimination. What was once considered impolite is now recognized as a tool for fairness.

Being open about money, when appropriate, is progressive, not rude.

6) Always dressing formally for air travel

Remember when people dressed like they were attending a business meeting just to board a plane? Suits, dresses, uncomfortable shoes, the whole production.

In the 80s, air travel was still considered special and somewhat glamorous. Dressing up showed respect for the experience and the airline.

These days, if you show up at the airport in a full suit and tie (unless you're heading straight to a meeting), you're going to look wildly out of touch. Comfort has become the priority. Athleisure, stretchy pants, and layers are the uniform of the modern traveler.

This shift reflects a broader cultural move toward valuing comfort and practicality over performative formality. After a three-hour security line and a six-hour flight, no one cares if you're wearing sweatpants.

7) Standing when someone enters the room

There was a time when you'd stand up whenever someone walked into a room, especially if they were older or held authority. It was a sign of deference and good breeding.

My partner Marcus still jokes about the first time he met my parents and my father seemed disappointed that Marcus didn't leap to his feet every time my mother entered the dining room.

This formal gesture has largely disappeared from everyday life. In modern contexts, it reads as excessively formal or even performative. The exception might be extremely formal business settings or when meeting dignitaries, but in casual or even professional environments, it's unnecessary.

Respect today is shown through attention, eye contact, and genuine engagement, not physical gestures that can feel archaic and uncomfortable.

8) Waiting to be served in strict order at restaurants

Remember when there was a whole protocol about who ordered first, who got served first, and who received the check? Women were served first, the eldest person ordered first, and suggesting splitting the check was practically scandalous.

In the 80s, these rules were considered proper etiquette. They dictated a strict social hierarchy that everyone was expected to follow.

Now? These gendered and age-based serving customs feel dated and often uncomfortable. Modern dining culture embraces flexibility. Groups split checks without awkwardness. People order when they're ready. The server brings food out as it's prepared.

I transitioned to veganism several years ago, and I can't tell you how relieved I am that we've moved past the era of everyone having to order simultaneously. Now I can easily ask questions about ingredients without holding up the entire table.

The shift reflects a broader move toward equality and practicality over rigid social hierarchies.

9) Answering every phone call immediately

If the phone rang in the 80s, you answered it. Period. Letting it ring was considered rude, and you certainly didn't screen calls.

This expectation of constant availability made sense in an era when phone calls were the primary way people connected. Missing a call could mean missing important news.

Fast forward to today, and answering every call immediately is not only impractical, it's impossible. Between spam calls, robocalls, and our packed schedules, we've learned to be selective about when we pick up.

Letting a call go to voicemail so you can respond thoughtfully isn't rude, it's boundary-setting. It means you're present with what you're doing rather than constantly interrupted. Most people now expect to leave a message or follow up with a text.

If it's truly urgent, people will find a way to reach you. Otherwise, returning calls when you have proper time and attention is far more respectful than picking up while distracted.

Final thoughts

Etiquette evolves, and what seemed polite decades ago can feel awkward or even counterproductive today.

The underlying principle hasn't changed though. Being considerate, respectful, and aware of others remains the foundation of good manners. The specific behaviors just look different now.

If you catch yourself following these outdated rules, don't worry. We all carry habits from earlier times. The key is staying curious about how social norms shift and being willing to adapt.

After all, true politeness isn't about rigid rules. It's about making others feel comfortable and respected. And that never goes out of style.