7 ways lower-middle-class families 'dress up' for events that upper-class families find oddly formal

I still remember the first time I attended a weekend brunch at my colleague's family estate in Connecticut. I showed up in a crisp blazer, dress pants, and heels. Everyone else? Worn-in jeans, faded polo shirts, and boat shoes that had clearly seen better days.

I felt overdressed and confused. Growing up middle-class, I'd learned that showing respect meant showing effort through your appearance. But that day, I realized that different social classes have completely different rulebooks when it comes to formality.

During my years in finance, I had a front-row seat to these unspoken class distinctions. The analysts from working-class backgrounds would show up to casual team lunches in full business attire, while the partners with old money would stroll in wearing threadbare sweaters that probably cost more than my monthly rent.

These differences aren't about right or wrong. They're about signaling, respect, and deeply ingrained cultural norms that most of us never question. Let's explore some of the ways lower-middle-class families approach dressing up that can seem surprisingly formal to those from upper-class backgrounds.

1) Treating chain restaurants like fine dining

When you're taking the family to Olive Garden or Red Lobster for a birthday celebration, what do you wear?

If you grew up lower-middle-class, you probably put on your nice pants and a button-down shirt. Maybe even a tie. The kids are in their Sunday best, hair carefully combed, shoes polished.

But upper-class families often show up to these same restaurants in whatever they were already wearing. Jeans, sneakers, casual shirts. No fuss.

The difference comes down to what these outings represent. For lower-middle-class families, eating at a sit-down restaurant with a waiter is a special occasion. It's a treat, something you save up for, and the formality of dress reflects the significance of the event.

For upper-class families, these chain restaurants are just convenient places to grab a meal. The "special occasion" dining happens at establishments where reservations are made months in advance.

2) The airport outfit phenomenon

Flying somewhere? Lower-middle-class families often dress like they're heading to a job interview.

I used to do this myself. Freshly pressed khakis, a nice blouse, closed-toe shoes. Flying felt important and special, and my clothes reflected that.

Then I noticed the passengers in first class boarding in their sweatpants and hoodies, looking like they'd just rolled out of bed. No jewelry, no makeup, maximum comfort.

When flying is routine rather than rare, comfort trumps presentation. But when it's a once-a-year vacation or a significant trip, dressing up becomes part of honoring the experience. It's also tied to a desire to be taken seriously and treated well by airline staff.

3) Event-specific outfits purchased new

Got a wedding coming up? A graduation? A holiday party?

Lower-middle-class families often buy new outfits specifically for each occasion. The whole family gets coordinated looks, tags still attached until the day of the event.

Upper-class families tend to rewear the same quality pieces across multiple events. That designer dress gets worn to three different weddings, and nobody bats an eye.

This stems from different relationships with clothing and abundance. When resources are limited, a new outfit signals that this event matters enough to invest in. It's a visible demonstration of effort and respect for the occasion.

When you have a closet full of quality pieces and attend similar events regularly, the pressure to have something new diminishes. In fact, upper-class culture often values the appearance of effortlessness over visible preparation.

4) Jewelry and accessories for every occasion

Notice how some families break out the good jewelry, watches, and accessories for any event that's remotely special?

Lower-middle-class families often have a clear distinction between everyday items and "special occasion" pieces. The pearl earrings come out. The nice watch gets worn. The matching handbag makes an appearance.

Upper-class families either wear their expensive jewelry daily (because they can afford to insure it) or skip it entirely for casual events. There's less of a middle ground.

I learned this the hard way at a charity 5K run where I showed up with a full face of makeup and my nicest athletic wear. Everyone else looked like they'd just grabbed whatever was clean. The event was "casual" to them, but to me, any organized event with other people meant presenting your best self.

5) The matching family photo aesthetic

Coordinated outfits for family photos, holiday cards, or any group outing are a hallmark of lower-middle-class formality.

Everyone wears complementary colors, similar styles, and carefully selected accessories. The goal is a polished, unified look that shows you put thought and care into your appearance as a family unit.

Upper-class families tend toward a more relaxed, "we just happen to look good together" aesthetic. The coordination is subtler, if it exists at all. There's an emphasis on individual expression within the family rather than matching uniformity.

This difference reflects broader values. Presenting a united, polished front can feel important when you're working to establish or maintain social standing. When your position is secure, you have more freedom to be casual.

6) Formal wear for daytime weekend events

Baby showers, graduation parties, daytime weddings, even backyard barbecues can trigger the formal dress code for lower-middle-class attendees.

Women show up in cocktail dresses and heels. Men wear dress shirts, slacks, sometimes full suits. Everyone is clearly dressed with intention and care.

Meanwhile, upper-class guests might arrive in sundresses and sandals, linen pants and loafers. The vibe is effortlessly put-together rather than formally dressed up.

At the farmers' market where I volunteer, I see this play out every Saturday. Some vendors dress in what I'd call business casual, others in worn work clothes that have seen years of use. The latter group is often from families with established farms and generational wealth. The former are newer vendors, working hard to project professionalism and earn trust.

7) Church clothes for any semi-formal setting

If you grew up attending church regularly, you probably have a category of clothing called "church clothes" in your mental wardrobe.

These are the go-to outfits for anything that feels official or important. Parent-teacher conferences, court appearances, meeting with lawyers or financial advisors, even doctor's appointments for serious matters.

The church clothes come out because they represent your most respectful, put-together self. You're signaling that you take the situation seriously and that you respect the people you're meeting with.

Upper-class families tend to have a more nuanced approach to formality. They might dress up for certain professional settings but keep things surprisingly casual for others. Their confidence in their social position allows them more flexibility.

During my finance career, I watched junior analysts agonize over what to wear to office events while partners showed up in the same rotation of five sport coats they'd been wearing for a decade. Secure status grants permission for casualness.

Conclusion

These differences in formality aren't about one group being right and another being wrong. They're about different cultural contexts, different relationships with resources, and different ways of showing respect and effort.

Growing up middle-class, I was taught that how you present yourself matters. Dressing up was a way of honoring occasions, showing respect to hosts, and putting your best foot forward in the world. Those lessons shaped me, and I'm grateful for them.

But I've also learned that there's value in the upper-class comfort with casualness. Sometimes effort looks like not trying so hard. Sometimes respect can be shown through presence and engagement rather than wardrobe choices.

The key is recognizing these patterns without judgment. We all navigate the world using the cultural tools we were given. Understanding these unspoken class differences helps us move between different social contexts with more awareness and less anxiety.

Next time you're getting dressed for an event, maybe ask yourself what your clothing choice is really communicating. Are you dressing for yourself, for others, or out of habit? There's no wrong answer, but the question itself is worth considering.