7 things boomers do at their kids' houses that make them not want to invite them back

My parents visited last month. They stayed for four days. By day three, my partner and I were exchanging glances across the kitchen that said everything words couldn't. By day four, we'd both silently agreed we needed at least three months before the next visit.

It's not that we don't love them. We do. But there's something about hosting your boomer parents that can transform your peaceful home into a low-grade stress factory. And after talking with friends, I've realized we're not alone in this.

The patterns are so consistent they're almost predictable. Small behaviors that seem harmless on their own but stack up into something exhausting. Let's talk about the seven things that make adult children quietly dread the next visit.

1) They rearrange your space without asking

You walk into your kitchen to find the dish soap has migrated from the sink to under the cabinet. Your throw pillows have been "fixed." The plant you deliberately placed in indirect light is now basking in full sun because it "looked sad over there."

My mom does this every single visit. She means well. In her mind, she's helping. But what I hear is: your house isn't organized correctly, and I need to fix it.

There's actually something deeper happening here. When parents rearrange our spaces, they're unconsciously refusing to see us as independent adults running our own households. They're still operating from the parental authority position they held when we were kids.

The first time I gently mentioned it, my mom looked genuinely confused. She thought she was being useful. Now I just move things back after she leaves and say nothing.

2) They give unsolicited advice about everything

How you're loading the dishwasher. Why you should be watering your plants differently. What you're doing wrong with your morning routine. Why your grocery choices are inefficient.

I've mentioned this before but it's worth repeating: unsolicited advice strips autonomy from the listener. What feels like helpfulness from the giver's side lands as "I don't trust your judgment" on the receiving end.

My dad spent twenty minutes during his last visit explaining a "better" way to organize my home office. I'm a freelance writer. I work in this space every single day. I've optimized it for my workflow over years. But apparently, none of that mattered.

The advice itself might even be good sometimes. That's not the point. The point is we didn't ask for it, and it makes us feel like students in our own homes instead of respected adults.

3) They turn the TV on and leave it running

This one drives me absolutely up the wall. My parents walk in, and within ten minutes, the TV is on. Not because anyone's actively watching something. It's just background noise, usually cable news or some sitcom rerun, volume cranked up.

I grew up with streaming. I'm deliberate about what plays in my space. When I want sound, I choose it. But for my parents' generation, the TV is like a companion. Silence feels uncomfortable to them.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to have a conversation over commercials and cable news pundits shouting at each other. It's exhausting. And when I turn it off, they turn it back on within the hour.

4) They stay way longer than planned

What was supposed to be Saturday brunch stretches into dinner. A "quick visit" becomes an entire day. Before you know it, the sun's setting and you've lost your entire weekend.

My partner and I have learned to be explicit now. "We have plans at 3pm" gets said upfront, even when we don't. Because otherwise, we're checking the clock at 5pm, mentally calculating our recovery time before Monday, while my parents settle deeper into the couch.

It's not that they're inconsiderate. They're comfortable. They're enjoying themselves. In their generation, long, unstructured family time was the norm. Extended visits were built into weekends.

But we're juggling different realities. Work that doesn't stop on weekends. Side projects. The basic need for downtime to recharge. We need boundaries, and they rarely notice when they're overstaying.

5) They make loud phone calls on speaker

Picture this: you're trying to read in your own living room. Your dad is pacing your kitchen, phone on speaker, talking to his friend about golf at a volume that could reach the back row of a theater.

When I work from home, which is most days, this becomes a special kind of nightmare. I've had to pause video meetings because my mom's speakerphone conversation with my aunt is audible through my office door.

It's a generational quirk. They don't see it as intrusive because, in their world, phone calls happened in open spaces and everyone just dealt with it. But for those of us who grew up valuing privacy and quiet, it feels invasive.

The worst part is how casual it is. No "Is this a good time?" No stepping outside or lowering the volume. Just instant occupation of the entire acoustic space.

6) They criticize your life choices in subtle ways

"Still renting, huh?" "That's an interesting outfit." "You're really not going to have kids?" These aren't presented as direct criticism. They're framed as observations or questions. But the judgment underneath is clear as day.

My veganism has been a favorite target during visits. Even eight years in, my dad will look at my dinner and say something like "You know, you could just have a little chicken. Nobody would judge you." Except he's literally judging me right now.

These comments accumulate. Each one might seem small, but together they create an atmosphere where you feel assessed rather than accepted. You start to dread visits because you know you'll spend the whole time defending your choices.

When someone's constantly commenting on your life decisions, the message is: you're doing it wrong, and I would do it better. That's not the foundation for a relationship anyone wants to maintain.

7) They expect your undivided attention the entire visit

I work from home. My parents know this. Yet when they visit, my dad gets genuinely offended if I excuse myself for a video meeting.

Last visit, I had a client call I couldn't reschedule. I explained this the night before. Still, when I closed my office door for the call, I came out to find my mom looking hurt and my dad checking his watch pointedly.

The expectation is total availability. Work can wait. Personal time is selfish. You should be fully present and engaged for every single moment of their visit.

But here's the reality: I have a mortgage to pay. The freelance work that allows me to maintain this house they're visiting doesn't pause for family time. My generation's work often means being connected to laptops and phones, with schedules that don't fit neat 9-to-5 boundaries.

They worked traditional jobs with clear boundaries. They don't quite grasp that my availability isn't a reflection of how much I value them. It's just the reality of how modern work operates.

The bottom line

None of this means we don't love our parents. We do. Deeply. But love doesn't erase the friction that happens when generational expectations collide with adult independence.

The hardest part is that most of these behaviors come from good intentions. They're trying to help, to connect, to be present. They don't realize they're creating the exact opposite effect.

If you're a boomer reading this, here's what your adult kids probably wish they could tell you: treat us like the adults we are. Respect our spaces, our boundaries, our choices. Ask before advising. Text before showing up. Notice when you're overstaying.

And if you're an adult child dealing with this, know you're not alone. Setting boundaries doesn't make you ungrateful. It makes you someone who values both the relationship and their own wellbeing enough to protect both.