The art of being valued: 9 habits to release if you want more appreciation as you get older

Have you noticed how some people seem to command respect effortlessly as they age, while others feel increasingly invisible?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially as I navigate my forties. There's something unsettling about putting in years of hard work, accumulating wisdom and experience, only to feel like you're being overlooked or taken for granted.

The truth I've discovered? Often, we're unknowingly holding onto habits that diminish our value in others' eyes. These patterns might have served us when we were younger, but as we mature, they can actually work against us.

After experiencing burnout and going through therapy, I learned something crucial: the behaviors that got me to a certain point in life weren't necessarily the ones that would carry me forward. Sometimes, gaining more appreciation means letting go of what no longer serves us.

Ready to explore what might be holding you back from getting the recognition you deserve? Let's look at nine habits that could be standing between you and the appreciation you've earned.

1. Dismissing compliments automatically

When someone praises your work, do you immediately deflect with "Oh, anyone could have done it" or "I just got lucky"?

I used to do this constantly. Someone would compliment a presentation I'd spent weeks preparing, and I'd wave it off like it was nothing. A colleague once stopped me mid-deflection and said, "Just say thank you. You earned this."

That simple advice changed everything. When we dismiss compliments, we're essentially telling others that their judgment is wrong. We're also reinforcing the idea that our contributions aren't valuable. As we get older, this habit becomes especially damaging because it undermines years of accumulated expertise.

Practice accepting compliments gracefully. A simple "Thank you, I worked hard on that" acknowledges both the compliment and your effort. You're not being arrogant; you're being honest about your value.

2. Saying yes when you mean no

How many times this week have you agreed to something you didn't want to do?

This habit often stems from wanting to be helpful or avoiding conflict. But here's what I learned after leaving my six-figure salary at 37 to pursue writing: saying yes to everything means saying no to what truly matters to you.

Every time you agree to take on extra work you don't have time for, attend events that drain you, or help someone at the expense of your own needs, you're teaching people that your time and energy are unlimited resources. They're not.

Start small. The next time someone asks for a favor that would genuinely inconvenience you, try saying, "I wish I could help, but I can't commit to that right now." Notice how the world doesn't end. Notice how people actually respect you more for having boundaries.

3. Apologizing for existing

Do you apologize when someone else bumps into you? Say sorry before asking a legitimate question? Apologize for having needs or taking up space?

This one hits close to home. In therapy, I discovered I was apologizing for things that didn't require apologies. "Sorry to bother you" before every email. "Sorry if this is a dumb question" in meetings. Each unnecessary apology was a small erosion of my self-worth.

Try this instead: Replace "Sorry for the delay" with "Thank you for your patience." Instead of "Sorry to interrupt," say "I have something to add when you're finished." These small language shifts signal confidence and self-respect, which naturally invites more appreciation from others.

4. Downplaying your expertise

"I'm not an expert, but..." Sound familiar?

After years in finance before becoming a writer, I had accumulated significant knowledge. Yet I'd preface my insights with disclaimers that undermined my credibility. Why do we do this? Often, it's false modesty or fear of seeming presumptuous.

But here's the thing: if you've spent years developing skills and knowledge, own it. You don't need to be the world's foremost authority to have valuable insights. Your experience matters, and qualifying every statement with self-doubt invites others to doubt you too.

5. Comparing yourself to younger colleagues

Ever catch yourself thinking, "They probably want someone younger" or "I can't keep up with these tech-savvy kids"?

This comparison trap is particularly vicious as we age. We focus on what younger colleagues have that we don't, forgetting the invaluable assets we bring: experience, perspective, emotional intelligence, and the wisdom that only comes from navigating decades of challenges.

When I started trail running at 28 to cope with work stress, I was constantly comparing myself to younger, faster runners. Now, running 20-30 miles weekly in my forties, I've learned that endurance and consistency often trump youthful speed. The same applies to professional life.

6. Hiding your needs

Do you pretend everything's fine when you're struggling? Act like you don't need help when you do?

Learning that vulnerability isn't the same as being vulnerable to harm was revolutionary for me. We often think that showing any need or weakness will diminish others' respect for us. Actually, the opposite is true. People connect with and value those who are authentically human.

When you need support, ask for it clearly. When something isn't working for you, speak up. This isn't weakness; it's the strength of knowing yourself well enough to advocate for your needs.

7. Letting others take credit

How often do you stay silent when someone else gets recognition for your idea or work?

Maybe you think it's not worth the confrontation, or you tell yourself that good work speaks for itself. But remaining invisible while others shine with your contributions is a fast track to resentment and undervaluation.

You don't need to be aggressive about it. A simple "I'm glad you liked the approach I suggested" or "Building on the strategy I developed last month" can gently but firmly establish your contribution. People can't appreciate what they don't know you've done.

8. Avoiding difficult conversations

When someone crosses your boundaries or treats you poorly, do you address it or let it slide?

Avoiding confrontation might feel easier in the moment, but it teaches people that there are no consequences for disrespecting you. Each time you let something slide, you're setting a precedent for how you're willing to be treated.

I remember having to address a situation where a colleague consistently interrupted me in meetings. The conversation was uncomfortable, but afterward, not only did the interruptions stop, but I noticed increased respect from the entire team. Standing up for yourself signals to others that you value yourself enough to protect your dignity.

9. Believing rest diminishes your value

Are you constantly busy, afraid that slowing down means becoming irrelevant?

This was my biggest challenge. I had to overcome the belief that rest was laziness and productivity was virtue. The irony? When I was constantly exhausted from overwork, my contributions were actually less valuable. I was present but not fully engaged, busy but not particularly effective.

Taking time to recharge isn't selfish or lazy. When you're well-rested, you bring better ideas, clearer thinking, and more positive energy to everything you do. People value quality over quantity, and you can't deliver quality when you're running on empty.

Final reflections

Which of these habits resonated most with you?

Releasing these patterns isn't about becoming someone you're not. You're simply clearing away the behaviors that obscure your true value. Each habit you release makes room for more authentic self-expression and, naturally, more appreciation from others.

Change takes time. I'm still working on some of these myself. But every small shift, every moment you choose self-respect over self-diminishment, you're teaching the world how to value you.

Remember, you've earned your place at the table through years of experience, growth, and resilience. Maybe it's time to act like it.