If you've ever felt more at peace in a foreign country than in the town you grew up in, psychology says you share these 7 traits with people who process belonging differently than most

Ever since I moved to Southeast Asia, I've had this nagging realization that keeps me up at night: I feel more at home in the chaotic streets of Saigon than I ever did in the perfectly manicured suburbs where I grew up.

It's a strange thing to admit. After all, shouldn't we feel most comfortable in the places that shaped us? The towns where we learned to ride bikes, made our first friends, experienced our first heartbreaks?

But here's the thing – for some of us, belonging works differently. We find ourselves in foreign markets, surrounded by languages we barely understand, and somehow feel more ourselves than we ever did "back home."

If this resonates with you, you're not alone. Psychology suggests that people who process belonging this way share certain distinct traits. And understanding these traits might just help you make sense of that peculiar peace you've found in unexpected places.

1. You crave novelty over familiarity

Most people find comfort in routine. The same coffee shop, the same commute, the same weekend rituals. But for those of us who feel more alive abroad, routine can feel like a slow death.

I remember sitting in my apartment back in Australia, everything perfectly organized, every day predictable. And I was miserable. Now, living between Vietnam and Singapore, no two days are the same. The unpredictability that would stress most people out? It energizes me.

You probably get a rush from discovering new neighborhoods, trying foods you can't pronounce, and navigating situations where you're completely out of your depth. Where others see chaos, you see possibility.

This isn't just wanderlust – it's a fundamentally different way of processing your environment. You're wired to grow through exposure to the unfamiliar rather than comfort in the known.

2. You value chosen relationships over inherited ones

Here's something I explore in my book "Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego" – the relationships we choose often reflect our truest selves more than the ones we're born into.

When you move somewhere new, every friendship is intentional. There's no obligation, no shared history forcing you together. The people in your life are there because you genuinely connect, not because you happened to grow up on the same street.

Janell Fetterolf, Senior Researcher at Pew Research Center, found that "Americans are the least likely among those in the countries surveyed to do so" when it comes to feeling close to people in their community.

This disconnect isn't necessarily negative – it might just mean we're seeking deeper, more authentic connections elsewhere.

In foreign countries, you build your tribe from scratch. And surprisingly, these chosen families often understand you better than the people who've known you longest.

3. You're comfortable with being an outsider

Walking through the streets of Ho Chi Minh City, I'm obviously not local. My appearance, my mannerisms, even the way I cross the street gives me away. And you know what? I love it.

There's freedom in being an outsider. You're not bound by local expectations or social scripts you've been following since childhood. Nobody expects you to be anything other than what you are.

This comfort with outsider status runs deep. Even in your hometown, you probably felt like you were observing rather than participating. Like everyone else got a manual for belonging that you never received.

But here's the secret: that outsider perspective is a superpower. It lets you see patterns others miss, question assumptions others take for granted, and create your own rules for living.

4. You define yourself through experiences, not origins

Ask most people who they are, and they'll tell you where they're from. Ask someone who finds peace abroad, and they'll tell you where they've been.

Your identity isn't tied to a zip code or a family name. It's built from the moments you've collected: sunrise over Angkor Wat, getting lost in Tokyo's backstreets, that conversation with a stranger in broken English that somehow made perfect sense.

Researchers at Tufts University discovered that "We found that people who had lived abroad reported a clearer sense of self than people who had not." Living abroad forces you to decide who you are when everything familiar is stripped away.

You're not running from your past – you're actively constructing your future through deliberate choices about where to go and what to experience.

5. You thrive in liminal spaces

Airports, train stations, border crossings – these in-between places that make most people anxious? They feel like home to you.

You're comfortable existing between cultures, never fully one thing or another. You've learned to navigate the space between tourist and local, creating your own category that doesn't quite fit either.

Living in Vietnam taught me this lesson hard. I'll never be Vietnamese, but I'm also no longer fully Australian. And that's exactly where I want to be – in that creative tension between worlds.

This ability to inhabit liminal spaces means you're constantly translating, adapting, evolving. You become a bridge between worlds, and that's where you find your purpose.

6. You seek growth over comfort

Staying in your hometown would have been easier. Familiar faces, established networks, predictable challenges. But easy was never the point, was it?

You're drawn to situations that force you to grow. Learning new languages, navigating foreign bureaucracies, building a life from scratch – these challenges that would exhaust others invigorate you.

In my book "Hidden Secrets of Buddhism", I talk about how discomfort is often the price of authentic growth. And you've made peace with that price.

You understand that real transformation happens when you're slightly out of your depth, when you can't rely on autopilot, when every day requires conscious engagement.

7. You find freedom in anonymity

Back home, everyone knew your story. The mistakes you made in high school, the job you quit, the relationship that didn't work out. That history followed you everywhere like a shadow.

But in a foreign country? You get to write your story fresh every day. Nobody knows or cares about your past unless you choose to share it.

Sandra Matz, Assistant Professor at Columbia Business School, notes that "The places we spend time in play an important part in our everyday lives." But what she doesn't mention is how liberating it can be when those places don't come with preconceived notions about who you should be.

This anonymity isn't about hiding – it's about having the space to become who you truly are without the weight of others' expectations.

Final words

If you recognize yourself in these traits, you're part of a unique group of people who process belonging differently. You're not broken or wrong for feeling more at peace in a foreign country than your hometown. You're simply wired differently.

The town you grew up in served its purpose – it gave you roots. But not everyone is meant to stay planted in the same soil forever. Some of us need different nutrients to grow.

Your peace doesn't come from a particular place on the map. It comes from honoring who you truly are and having the courage to seek environments that let that truth flourish.

So if you've found your peace halfway around the world from where you started, celebrate it. You've discovered something many people spend their whole lives searching for – a place where you can truly be yourself.

And isn't that what home really means anyway?