Every generation promises they will be different. Then time does its thing. These are nine “never me” behaviors Boomers now do daily, according to their kids.
We all have that moment with our parents where we think, Wait a second. Weren’t you the one who swore you’d never do this?
Maybe it happens when they complain about “kids these days” while scrolling Facebook. Or when they offer life advice that sounds exactly like the rigid stuff they used to roll their eyes at when their own parents said it.
I’m not here to drag anyone. I’m in my forties, which means I’m old enough to watch generations overlap in real time.
I’ve also spent years noticing how quickly people become the very thing they once rejected, usually without realizing it. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s being human.
What’s fascinating is how often Boomers once positioned themselves as the generation that would do things differently. More open-minded. Less uptight. Less controlling. More emotionally aware. More free.
And yet, plenty of adult children watch their parents do the opposite every single day.
If you’ve noticed some of these shifts, you’re not alone. And if you’re a Boomer reading this and feeling a little called out, stay with me.
The goal isn’t shame. It’s awareness. Because the patterns we don’t notice are the ones that quietly run our lives.
1) Complaining about younger generations like it’s a daily habit
Have you ever heard your parent say something like, “In my day, we actually worked hard”?
The irony is, many Boomers grew up hearing the same thing from their parents and swore they’d never become that cranky adult who thinks the world peaked decades ago.
But it happens slowly.
It starts with one comment about slang. Then it becomes a whole worldview. Younger people are lazy, sensitive, entitled, addicted to screens, ruining everything.
Often, complaining is less about facts and more about fear. Fear of being left behind. Fear that the rules changed and nobody handed them the updated manual.
If you’re the adult child in this situation, a question can work better than an argument. “What do you think has changed the most since you were my age?”
Sometimes it opens the door to honesty instead of a rant.
2) Having a running commentary on other people’s choices
Tattoos. Career pivots. Living with a partner before marriage. Not having kids. Switching diets. Dressing differently.
Many Boomers wanted freedom from judgment. They wanted to live their lives without older relatives acting like the moral police.
And yet, a lot of adult kids hear constant critique. It’s usually packaged as concern.
- “I’m just worried about you.”
- “I’m only saying this because I love you.”
- “I’m just being honest.”
But if honesty shows up as unsolicited feedback every day, it stops feeling like love and starts feeling like control.
A simple rule helps.
If someone didn’t ask for your opinion, you’re not guiding them. You’re pressuring them.
3) Treating apologies like a weakness
This one matters because it affects emotional safety.
Many Boomers swore they’d be different parents. Warmer. More emotionally aware. More willing to admit mistakes.
But adult children still hear:
- “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
- “That’s not how it happened.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “I did the best I could.”
Sometimes those lines are true. But they can also be shields.
Real accountability sounds like: “I can see how that hurt you,” or “I didn’t mean to, but I did,” or “I’m willing to do better.”
When someone refuses to apologize, they don’t stay powerful. They just stay distant.
4) Rolling their eyes at therapy and mental health
A surprising number of Boomers treat mental health like it’s a trend.
- “Everyone has anxiety now.”
- “Back then we just dealt with it.”
- “You don’t need a therapist, you need discipline.”
- “Stop labeling everything.”
Adult children hear that and think, You’d rather I suffer quietly?
I get where the resistance comes from.
Therapy talk can feel unfamiliar. It can sound like a new language. It can also challenge the old belief that strength equals silence.
But dismissing mental health doesn’t make feelings disappear. It just makes them lonelier.
You don’t have to understand every term. You just have to believe your kid’s inner world is real.
5) Becoming the “rules are rules” person they used to hate
Remember the stereotype of older generations being strict, rigid, and obsessed with “proper” behavior?
Many Boomers saw themselves as the opposite. The ones who questioned authority.
Then time passed, and a lot of them became rule enforcers anyway.
It shows up as being intense about manners, etiquette, and “the right way” to do things. It can be as small as dishwasher debates or as big as how someone should live their life.
Underneath it is often a craving for certainty.
When the world feels chaotic, people cling to rules. Even tiny ones. Controlling the small stuff can feel like controlling the bigger stuff.
6) Using guilt as a communication style
This is the one many adult children feel in their nervous system.
Boomers often swore they’d never parent with manipulation. They didn’t want to repeat the guilt trips they grew up with.
And yet guilt sneaks in through phrases like:
- “After everything I’ve done for you…”
- “I guess I’m just not important anymore.”
- “You never visit.”
- “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
Guilt is a shortcut to closeness. It tries to force connection without vulnerability.
Instead of “I miss you,” it becomes “You don’t care about me.” Instead of “I feel lonely,” it becomes “You’re selfish.”
If you’ve dealt with this, you know the issue usually isn’t the request. It’s the emotional weight attached to it.
7) Measuring success almost entirely through money
I spent years as a financial analyst, so I know how easy it is to turn life into numbers. Income. Net worth. Stability. “Smart” choices.
Many Boomers thought they’d end up valuing meaning over materialism. Experiences over status.
But adult children still hear a lot of:
- “How much do you make?”
- “When are you buying a house?”
- “That job doesn’t seem stable.”
- “You need benefits.”
- “Are you saving enough?”
Money matters, of course. Planning matters.
But when money becomes the main lens you use to evaluate your kid’s life, it can feel like you’re not seeing them at all. You’re seeing a spreadsheet.
A healthier question is: “Are you proud of how you spend your days?”
8) Wearing busyness like a badge of honor
Boomers grew up in a culture that praised hustle. Many promised themselves they’d slow down later and actually enjoy life.
Then later arrived, and they didn’t slow down. They just found new ways to be busy.
Some adult kids watch their parents fill every moment with errands, projects, committees, obligations, and stress. They act like resting is irresponsible.
- “I’ve been running all day.”
- “I don’t have time to sit.”
- “I’ll relax when I’m done.”
But done never comes.
Constant busyness can be a form of avoidance. If you never stop moving, you never have to sit with loneliness, regret, or the bigger question of who you are without your productivity.
If you want to interrupt this pattern, “You should relax” usually won’t work.
A softer invitation can: “Do you want to do something with me that’s actually restful?”
9) Getting defensive instead of curious when challenged
This is where everyday friction turns into real relationship strain.
Boomers often saw themselves as the open-minded generation. The progressive generation. The question-everything generation.
But adult children often get defensiveness at the first sign of disagreement.
You bring up a social issue, they shut down. You set a boundary, they take it personally. You share a different perspective, they act like it’s an attack.
Then comes the classic line: “So I’m a terrible parent, is that what you’re saying?”
That’s not a conversation. That’s a courtroom.
Curiosity sounds like: “Tell me more,” or “What led you to that?” or “I don’t fully get it, but I’m listening.”
Defensiveness is often fear in disguise. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being judged. Fear of realizing you hurt someone.
But when someone can’t stay curious, they stop being teachable. And when they stop being teachable, the relationship stops growing.
Final thoughts
If you recognized your parents in a few of these, you’re not alone.
If you recognized yourself, you’re not alone either.
We all become things we once disliked if we’re not paying attention. That’s the cost of autopilot.
The good news is these patterns aren’t fixed. They’re learned, which means they can be unlearned.
So here’s a question to sit with: When you look at the people who raised you, what do you want to keep, and what do you want to consciously let end with you?
That’s where real personal growth begins. Not in blaming the generations before us, but in choosing to break the cycle on purpose.
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