10 things deeply unhappy men do every single day that they've convinced themselves are normal

Look, I spent most of my mid-20s thinking I was doing everything right. Good degree, decent job prospects, following the path everyone said would lead to happiness. But underneath it all, I was deeply unhappy and didn't even realize it.

The worst part? I'd normalized behaviors that were actually keeping me stuck in that unhappiness. I'd convinced myself they were just "what men do" or "part of the grind."

It took me years of self-work, therapy, and diving deep into Eastern philosophy to recognize these patterns for what they really were: daily habits that were slowly eroding my happiness while masquerading as normal male behavior.

If you're reading this and something feels off in your life but you can't quite put your finger on it, these might be the culprits. Here are 10 things deeply unhappy men do every single day that they've convinced themselves are normal.

1. Numbing out with endless scrolling

You get home from work, collapse on the couch, and before you know it, you've spent three hours mindlessly scrolling through social media, news sites, or YouTube videos. Sound familiar?

I used to tell myself this was just "unwinding" after a long day. But really? I was numbing myself to avoid dealing with the dissatisfaction I felt about my life.

The constant stream of content becomes a digital pacifier. We scroll through other people's highlight reels, political outrage, or random videos because sitting with our own thoughts feels too uncomfortable.

The kicker is that this habit actually makes unhappiness worse. Studies show excessive social media use correlates with increased depression and anxiety. Yet we keep scrolling, thinking we're just relaxing.

2. Dismissing emotions as weakness

"I'm fine" became my catchphrase during my warehouse job days. Even though I felt like my education was being wasted and my potential was circling the drain, I'd never admit it.

Many men have internalized the message that showing emotion equals weakness. We push down feelings of sadness, disappointment, or fear, labeling them as "not manly."

In my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how this emotional suppression creates suffering. Buddhism teaches that acknowledging our feelings is the first step toward freedom from them.

But instead, we bottle everything up until it either explodes in anger (the only "acceptable" male emotion) or manifests as physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or digestive issues.

3. Competing with everyone about everything

Whether it's who works the longest hours, who can drink the most, or who has the better car, unhappy men turn everything into a competition.

I remember constantly comparing myself to my friends. If someone got a promotion, instead of being happy for them, I'd feel this gnawing sense of failure. Every conversation became a subtle contest to prove I was doing just as well, if not better.

This competitive mindset is exhausting. You're never just living your life; you're constantly measuring it against others. And since there's always someone doing "better" in some area, you're guaranteed to feel inadequate.

4. Working themselves into the ground

How many times have you heard a guy brag about working 70-hour weeks like it's a badge of honor?

Unhappy men often hide behind work because it gives them a socially acceptable excuse to avoid dealing with their problems. Can't work on your relationship if you're always at the office. Can't face your existential crisis if you're buried in spreadsheets.

Plus, in our culture, being a "hard worker" is praised. So even as work becomes a prison, we tell ourselves we're being responsible providers.

The irony? All that overtime rarely leads to the fulfillment we're chasing. It just leaves us more exhausted and disconnected.

5. Self-medicating with alcohol

"Just need a beer to take the edge off." I said this almost every night for years.

Having a drink isn't inherently problematic, but when it becomes the primary way to deal with stress, boredom, or emotional pain, that's when it crosses into unhealthy territory.

Unhappy men often normalize daily drinking as just part of adult life. But alcohol is a depressant that ultimately makes negative feelings worse. It disrupts sleep, affects mood regulation, and becomes a crutch that prevents us from developing healthier coping mechanisms.

6. Avoiding real conversations

When was the last time you had a genuinely deep conversation with another man about something beyond sports, work, or women?

Unhappy men master the art of surface-level interaction. We can spend hours with friends and never once mention what's really going on in our lives. We joke, we banter, we discuss the game, but we never get real.

This emotional isolation is crushing. Humans are wired for connection, and when we deprive ourselves of authentic relationships, we suffer.

As I discovered through my study of Buddhism and wrote about in Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, true peace comes from genuine connection, not performative socializing.

7. Neglecting their physical health

Skipping doctor appointments, ignoring persistent pain, eating garbage, never exercising – unhappy men treat their bodies like rental cars.

During my anxious twenties, I lived on energy drinks and takeout, convinced I didn't have time for anything better. My body was constantly sending distress signals that I chose to ignore.

We've normalized this neglect as being "tough" or "too busy to worry about it." But physical and mental health are deeply interconnected. When we ignore our bodies, we're essentially telling ourselves we don't matter enough to take care of.

8. Living entirely in the past or future

Unhappy men are time travelers, but not in a fun sci-fi way. We're either replaying past regrets or anxiously planning for future scenarios that may never happen.

I spent years caught in this loop, constantly worrying about the future while simultaneously regretting the past. The present moment? That barely existed for me.

This pattern robs us of the only time we actually have: right now. Buddhism taught me that suffering often comes from our attachment to expectations about how things should be, rather than accepting what is.

9. Measuring self-worth through external validation

Job title, salary, relationship status, possessions – unhappy men tie their entire identity to external markers of success.

When these things go well, we feel good about ourselves. When they don't? We feel worthless. This creates an exhausting roller coaster where our self-esteem is always at the mercy of circumstances beyond our control.

The promotion becomes everything. The girlfriend's approval becomes oxygen. The new car becomes proof we matter. But these things never fill the void because the void isn't about external achievement; it's about internal disconnection.

10. Staying in toxic situations out of pride

Dead-end job? Toxic relationship? Unhealthy friendships? Unhappy men often stay in situations that are clearly harming them because leaving would feel like admitting defeat.

We tell ourselves we're being strong, loyal, or responsible. But really, we're just scared. Scared of change, scared of judgment, scared of starting over.

Pride becomes a prison. We'd rather be miserable in familiar circumstances than risk the uncertainty of something new.

Final words

Recognizing these patterns in myself was painful but necessary. Each one felt normal because I saw other men doing the same things. We were all unhappy together, validating each other's dysfunction.

Breaking free from these habits isn't about becoming soft or abandoning masculinity. It's about being honest enough to admit when something isn't working and brave enough to change it.

If you recognized yourself in this list, you're not alone. These patterns are incredibly common, which is exactly why they're so dangerous – we mistake common for normal, and normal for healthy.

The good news? Awareness is the first step. Once you see these patterns for what they are, you can start making different choices. Small ones at first. Maybe you put down the phone for an evening. Maybe you tell a friend how you're really doing. Maybe you finally book that therapy appointment.

Change isn't easy, but neither is living in quiet desperation while pretending everything's fine.