The forced smile behind the festive facade reveals more than you think.
The lights are up, the music is playing, and everyone around you seems to be radiating festive cheer.
But what if you're not feeling it? What if beneath that bright smile and enthusiastic "Happy holidays!" you're actually counting down the days until it's all over?
You're not alone. Research shows that 89% of adults feel stressed during the holidays, with 41% reporting higher stress levels compared to other times of the year.
Yet many of us put on a convincing performance, masking our true feelings behind a façade of holiday spirit.
The truth is, pretending takes a toll. And if you look closely, there are telltale signs that someone is forcing their festive feelings rather than genuinely experiencing them.
1. They overcompensate with excessive enthusiasm
Ever notice someone who seems almost too cheerful about the holidays? The one who's posting constant updates about every decoration, every cookie batch, every single festive activity?
This over-the-top enthusiasm can actually be a red flag.
When people are genuinely happy, their joy tends to be steady and natural. But when someone is masking dread or anxiety, they often overcompensate by projecting an exaggerated version of happiness.
Think of it as the "protest too much" phenomenon. The constant need to demonstrate how much they're enjoying the season often suggests they're trying to convince themselves as much as everyone else.
2. They avoid deeper conversations about their holiday plans
Ask someone about their Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas Eve traditions, and watch what happens.
If they're genuinely excited, they'll light up with details. But if they're dreading it? You'll get vague, surface-level answers before they quickly change the subject.
People who are dreading the holidays but hiding it often steer clear of any detailed discussion about their plans. They might say "Oh, you know, the usual family thing" without elaborating.
This avoidance serves a purpose. Going into detail would require them to either lie about their enthusiasm or reveal their true feelings. So they keep things brief and redirect the conversation elsewhere.
I remember doing this myself years ago when I was dreading a particularly tense family gathering. Every time someone asked about my plans, I'd give the shortest possible answer and immediately pivot to asking about theirs.
3. They focus excessively on other people's happiness
Some people channel all their energy into making sure everyone else has a perfect holiday, while completely neglecting their own needs and feelings.
They're the ones who volunteer to host every gathering, insist on buying all the gifts, and take on every organizational task. On the surface, it looks selfless and generous.
But often, this behavior is actually a distraction technique. By staying busy ensuring others are happy, they don't have to confront their own feelings of dread or dissatisfaction.
Research on toxic positivity shows that this pattern of forced cheerfulness can lead to superficial relationships and increased stress over time.
4. They make jokes about hating the holidays while smiling
"Ha ha, I can't wait for this season to be over!" they say with a laugh.
"Just kidding! Sort of."
These half-joking, half-serious comments are a common way people test the waters with their real feelings. They're dipping a toe into honesty while maintaining plausible deniability.
Pay attention to these moments. When someone repeatedly makes self-deprecating jokes about holiday stress or "surviving" family gatherings, there's usually more truth in those comments than they're willing to fully admit.
5. Their energy noticeably drops after holiday events
Someone who genuinely loves the holidays typically feels energized by festive gatherings. They come home buzzing with happy stories and warm feelings.
But someone who's been pretending all evening? They collapse the moment they get home. The cheerful mask drops instantly.
The emotional labor of maintaining a façade for hours is exhausting. It takes real effort to smile through conversations you don't want to have, to laugh at jokes that aren't funny, to act delighted about traditions you'd rather skip.
If you notice someone who seems completely drained after what should have been a joyful celebration, they may have been performing rather than participating.
6. They experience sleep disruptions during the holiday season
Studies show that during major holidays, sleep regularity can decline by about 14%, and this disruption is often tied to anxiety and stress.
Your body knows the truth even when you're not ready to admit it. When someone is pretending to love something they actually dread, their nervous system doesn't buy the performance.
The quiet of the night can bring forth the feelings and thoughts they've been suppressing throughout the day. This can result in restlessness, insomnia, or waking up feeling unrested despite getting enough hours.
If someone mentions having trouble sleeping specifically during the holiday season, it might hint at their underlying emotional state.
7. They engage in numbing behaviors
There's enjoying a glass of wine at dinner, and then there's using alcohol to get through family gatherings.
People who are masking their true feelings about the holidays often turn to substances or other numbing behaviors as coping mechanisms. This might include drinking more than usual, overeating, or spending excessive time scrolling on their phone during gatherings.
I've seen this pattern play out at countless holiday parties. Someone arrives with a smile plastered on, makes a beeline for the bar, and stays there. Or they're the person who can't seem to put down their phone, constantly checking messages that probably aren't urgent.
These behaviors serve to create distance between them and the experience they're actually having. It's a way to be physically present while emotionally checking out. The numbing provides temporary relief from the discomfort of pretending, but it never addresses the underlying dread.
8. They dismiss their own feelings when they slip out
"I'm just tired."
"It's nothing, really."
"I'm being ridiculous."
When someone who's pretending to love the holidays accidentally lets their true feelings show, they often immediately backtrack and minimize what they've revealed.
This self-dismissal is a protective mechanism. By downplaying their emotions, they can maintain the illusion that everything is fine while also preventing others from asking uncomfortable follow-up questions.
9. They create elaborate excuses to skip certain traditions
The pattern is always the same. A work emergency right before the big family dinner. "Coming down with something" just in time to miss the annual party.
People who dread the holidays but feel obligated to pretend otherwise often manufacture reasons to avoid certain events. The excuses are usually just plausible enough to be believed, but they happen with suspicious frequency.
The pattern reveals itself over time. If someone consistently finds reasons to miss specific holiday gatherings while still maintaining that they "love this time of year," their actions are telling a different story than their words.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these behaviors isn't about judging anyone for their feelings. The holidays genuinely are difficult for many people, and the pressure to appear constantly cheerful only makes things harder.
If you see these signs in someone you care about, the kindest thing you can do is create space for honesty. Let them know it's okay to not be okay with the holidays.
And if you recognize these behaviors in yourself? Give yourself permission to feel what you're actually feeling.
The most wonderful time of the year doesn't have to be wonderful for everyone, and pretending otherwise helps no one.
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