People who say "I'm not like other girls" or "I only hang out with guys" always have these 5 things in common

"You know, I'm just not like other girls. I get along way better with guys."

I heard this at a networking event last week, and it took me right back to my twenties when I used to say the exact same thing. Back then, I wore it like a badge of honor, thinking it somehow made me more interesting or valuable.

Now, after years of working in male-dominated spaces and eventually finding my voice as a writer, I recognize this pattern for what it really is: a complex mix of internalized beliefs that many of us carry without even realizing it.

If you've ever caught yourself saying these phrases, or if you know someone who does, you're not alone. Through my experiences in finance and now as someone who writes about human behavior, I've noticed that people who distance themselves from their own gender often share some surprising commonalities.

Let's explore what's really going on beneath the surface.

1. They've internalized the idea that feminine traits are "less than"

Have you ever noticed how "throwing like a girl" is an insult but "manning up" is encouragement?

Growing up, we absorb these messages whether we realize it or not. When someone says they prefer hanging out with guys, they're often unconsciously buying into the idea that traditionally feminine interests or behaviors are somehow inferior.

I learned this lesson the hard way from a demanding female boss early in my finance career. She was tougher than any of the men in our department, and at first, I couldn't understand why she seemed to go out of her way to be harsh, especially with the women on our team.

One day, after a particularly brutal meeting, she pulled me aside. "You need to stop apologizing for your ideas," she said. "In this industry, they already think we're weak. Don't prove them right."

It clicked for me then. She had internalized the belief that to succeed, she had to reject anything that could be seen as feminine. She couldn't just be good at her job; she had to be "one of the guys" but better. And she was passing that pressure on to the rest of us.

The truth is, there's nothing inherently better about stereotypically masculine or feminine traits. Collaboration is just as valuable as competition. Empathy is just as important as assertiveness. When we dismiss an entire gender as "too much drama" or "too emotional," we're really just echoing societal biases we've absorbed.

2. They've had negative experiences with female relationships

Behind many "I don't get along with girls" statements is a history of painful friendships or betrayals.

Maybe it was the mean girls in middle school. Maybe it was a best friend who talked behind your back. Or maybe it was a pattern of competitive, exhausting relationships that left you feeling drained.

I once had a friendship that felt more like a competition than a connection. Every accomplishment I shared was met with a bigger one. Every struggle was minimized because hers was worse. When I finally decided to end that friendship, I found myself thinking, "This is why I prefer guy friends."

But here's what I've learned: toxic people come in all genders. I've had male colleagues who were just as competitive and backstabbing. The difference? Society doesn't teach us to write off all men when one treats us badly.

When we let bad experiences with individual women color our view of all women, we miss out on incredible friendships and support systems. Some of my deepest, most meaningful connections now are with other women who've become my chosen family.

3. They crave the validation that comes from being "different"

There's something intoxicating about being told you're "not like other girls," isn't there?

In a world that often pits women against each other, being singled out as the exception can feel like winning. You're the cool girl. The one who gets it. The one who doesn't cause drama or talk about feelings too much.

I spent years cultivating this image, especially in my finance days. I prided myself on being able to hang with the guys, talk sports, and never bring up anything too personal. I thought this made me special.

What I didn't realize was that I was seeking validation through separation. By distancing myself from other women, I was essentially saying, "Pick me, I'm different, I'm better."

This need for validation often stems from deeper insecurities. When we don't feel good enough as we are, we look for ways to set ourselves apart. But real confidence comes from accepting yourself without needing to put others down in the process.

4. They haven't experienced the power of female solidarity

For years, I believed the myth that women in professional settings would inevitably compete with each other. Then I joined a women's writing group that completely changed my perspective.

These women celebrated each other's wins without jealousy. They offered honest feedback without cruelty. They shared opportunities and connections freely. For the first time, I experienced what true female solidarity felt like, and it was nothing like the catty stereotypes I'd internalized.

When I started mentoring young women entering finance, I saw how hungry they were for this kind of support. They'd been told, just like I had, that there was only room for one woman at the table. But that's simply not true.

The most successful women I know now are the ones who lift each other up. They understand that another woman's success doesn't diminish their own. They've discovered that female friendships can be sources of strength, not competition.

If you've never experienced this kind of supportive female community, it makes sense that you'd gravitate toward male friendships. But I encourage you to stay open to the possibility. The right female friendships can be transformative.

5. They're responding to societal pressure and stereotypes

Let's be real: society rewards women who align themselves with men.

In professional settings, being "one of the guys" often means easier acceptance, more opportunities, and less scrutiny. We learn early that male approval carries weight, while female approval is often dismissed as less valuable.

Think about how movies and TV shows portray female friendships versus male ones. How often do you see women depicted as backstabbing, gossiping, or fighting over men? Compare that to the brotherhood and loyalty typically shown in male friendships.

These stereotypes shape our expectations and behaviors. When we say we're "not like other girls," we're really saying we're not like the narrow, negative stereotype of what girls are supposed to be.

But here's the thing: most girls aren't like that stereotype either. We're all complex individuals with our own interests, personalities, and values. The problem isn't other women; it's the limiting boxes society tries to put us all in.

Final thoughts

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, please know there's no judgment here. I've been there. Many of us have.

The journey from "I'm not like other girls" to "I support and celebrate other women" isn't always easy. It requires unpacking years of internalized beliefs and being honest about our own biases.

Start small. Question why you feel uncomfortable around certain women. Challenge yourself to give female friendships another chance. Notice when you're seeking validation through separation rather than connection.

Most importantly, remember that embracing your feminine side and connecting with other women doesn't make you weak or less interesting. It makes you whole. The world needs more women supporting women, not fewer women trying to be "one of the guys."