9 ways upper-middle-class people try to seem relatable but make it worse

A colleague once told me she was "basically broke" while discussing her upcoming trip to Santorini. She'd just complained about parking fees at her condo downtown.

I didn't say anything. But I thought about the administrative assistant sitting three desks away who was choosing between groceries and a doctor's appointment.

Here's what I learned from nearly two decades in corporate finance: money creates invisible walls. And when people with resources try to pretend those walls don't exist, they don't disappear. They just become more awkward for everyone.

Research on social class psychology shows that people from higher social classes often display more overconfidence and feelings of independence, while those from working-class backgrounds tend to emphasize interdependence and community. These aren't just personality differences. They're learned responses to fundamentally different levels of economic security.

1. Complaining about luxury problems as if they're universal struggles

The contractor is behind schedule on your kitchen remodel. Your kid didn't get into their first-choice private school. The flight upgrade didn't come through.

These are real disappointments. But they're not the same category of stress as wondering how to pay rent.

When you frame these complaints as shared struggles, you're asking people without your resources to validate your frustration about things they can't afford to have problems with.

Studies on humblebragging show this approach backfires. Combining complaints with obvious displays of privilege reduces both likability and perceived sincerity. People see through it.

2. Calling expensive things "affordable" without perspective

"It's just $18 for lunch." "Only $200 for those sneakers." "We found an affordable Airbnb for $180 a night."

The word "just" does more work than you realize.

What seems reasonable to you might represent someone else's entire daily budget. When your baseline for affordable differs that dramatically from others around you, calling attention to how "cheap" something is highlights the gap rather than bridging it.

I've watched this play out in countless office conversations. Someone casually mentions their "budget-friendly" weekend getaway that cost more than a junior employee's monthly rent.

3. Equating temporary setbacks with chronic financial insecurity

Your bonus was smaller than expected. You had an expensive car repair. Your investment portfolio had a down quarter.

These are setbacks. They're not the same as systemic financial precarity.

Research shows that people from middle and upper-class backgrounds tend to live in environments where basic needs are consistently met, giving them a greater sense of control and agency. Working-class individuals face genuine uncertainty about those basics.

When you talk about a rough month the same way someone else talks about not knowing if they can keep their heat on, you're comparing a bad day to someone else's daily reality.

4. Performing frugality while maintaining expensive baselines

Shopping at Whole Foods but bragging about the discount section. Buying a used BMW instead of a new Honda. Growing herbs on your balcony while subscribing to meal delivery services.

These aren't frugal choices. They're expensive choices with a frugal aesthetic.

True budget constraints mean making different categories of decisions entirely. It's the difference between choosing which organic produce to buy versus choosing whether to buy produce at all.

The person shopping at discount grocers because it's necessary doesn't relate to someone shopping there as a lifestyle experiment.

5. Calling it "hustle" when you have a safety net

Side projects are everywhere. The difference lies in what happens if they fail.

If family money, a partner's income, or savings cushion your venture, it's not the same risk as someone who's genuinely betting their ability to pay rent.

During my years in finance, I watched countless entrepreneurs. The ones with trust funds talked about "taking the leap." The ones without talked about calculated risks and backup plans.

Your willingness to "follow your passion" looks different when failure means moving back in with parents who own a second home versus moving in with parents you're already helping support financially.

6. Assuming expensive solutions are universally accessible

"Just travel more, it broadens your perspective." "Therapy changed my life, everyone should go." "You need to start investing early for retirement."

These statements are often true. They're also advice that assumes resources most people don't have.

When you position these as universal solutions without acknowledging the financial barriers, you're not being helpful. You're revealing you don't understand those barriers exist.

Studies examining social class found that people use embodied cultural capital, material goods, and status markers to assess someone's economic position. Your advice inadvertently signals that you're unaware of these differences.

7. Using wellness language to avoid uncomfortable conversations

Therapy gave us useful vocabulary. Boundaries, triggers, self-care, emotional labor.

Sometimes that vocabulary becomes a shield against accountability.

"I'm setting boundaries" can mean protecting yourself. It can also mean shutting down discussions about privilege because they make you uncomfortable.

When someone shares their experience with systemic barriers, responding with "I need to protect my energy right now" centers your comfort over their reality.

8. Downplaying achievements while highlighting privilege

"I'm terrible with money" right after mentioning your investment portfolio. "I barely worked for this promotion" when describing your third raise. "Anyone could do what I do" about work that required expensive credentials.

Research on performative authenticity shows that in modern society, even humility becomes a performance. This false modesty doesn't make you relatable. It makes people wonder if you're unaware of your advantages.

Someone actually struggling with money doesn't discuss their stock picks while calling themselves bad with finances. They're calculating which bills to pay late.

9. Identifying as "middle class" when you're clearly not

Here's the thing that creates the biggest disconnect.

If you own property, have substantial savings, take regular vacations, and don't think about money for daily expenses, you're not middle class. You might feel middle class compared to billionaires, but that's not the relevant comparison.

When comfortable people claim middle-class identity, they erase the actual middle. They make invisible the people navigating life without their cushions and calling it normal.

I've had this conversation with former colleagues who own multiple properties and send their kids to private schools. Many genuinely identify as middle class. The gap between self-perception and reality doesn't make them bad people. But it makes real connection nearly impossible.

Final thoughts

None of this comes from bad intentions. Most people genuinely want to connect across economic differences.

But here's what I learned from watching wealth dynamics for years: trying too hard to seem relatable often reveals the gap you're trying to hide.

Real connection doesn't require pretending you don't have advantages. It requires acknowledging them honestly.

You don't need to apologize for financial security. You need to be honest about what it provides. The person working two jobs doesn't need you to act like you understand their struggle. They need you to acknowledge that your experience is fundamentally different.

Sometimes the most genuine thing you can do is stop performing relatability. Be honest about your advantages. Create space for different realities instead of pretending they're the same.

Because the problem isn't the gap. The problem is pretending the gap doesn't exist.