7 phrases people with excellent social skills use to win others over

At a wedding last summer, I watched my cousin Marcus work the room like a maestro conducting a symphony. Not in a slick, calculating way—he just had this gift for making every person he talked to light up. The bride's grandmother spent ten minutes telling him about her garden. The plus-one who knew nobody left with three new friends. Later, when I asked him his secret, he shrugged. "I just try to make people feel interesting," he said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

That's when I started paying attention to how naturally gifted connectors actually speak. It's not about being the most charismatic person in the room or having the best stories. The people who truly win others over have mastered something subtler: they use language that creates space for others to shine. Their phrases aren't manipulation tactics from a business seminar. They're genuine invitations to human connection, delivered with such consistency that connection becomes inevitable.

1. "You just reminded me of something..."

This phrase is conversational gold because it transforms monologue into dialogue. When someone shares an experience and you respond with "You just reminded me of something," you're not hijacking their story—you're building a bridge between their world and yours. It signals that you were listening deeply enough to make connections.

The magic happens in what follows. Skilled connectors don't launch into unrelated personal narratives. They share something that genuinely connects, then—crucially—loop back to the original speaker. "Does that resonate with your experience?" or "Have you found something similar?" This creates  conversational turn-taking, the foundation of feeling heard and understood.

2. "I never thought of it that way"

Pride makes us want to appear all-knowing, but social intelligence means showing when someone has shifted your perspective. This phrase does something powerful: it positions the other person as someone with valuable insights. It's an admission that creates elevation—suddenly they're not just talking, they're teaching.

The people who use this phrase effectively mean it. They've developed intellectual humility, the ability to recognize the limits of their knowledge without feeling diminished. When you genuinely express that someone has expanded your thinking, you're giving them one of the rarest gifts in conversation: the experience of adding value.

3. "What was that like for you?"

Most people ask "How was it?" and accept surface answers. But "What was that like for you?" invites something deeper. It's the difference between asking for information and asking for experience. This phrase signals that you want to understand not just what happened, but how it felt to be them in that moment.

This question works because it combines curiosity with specificity. You're not asking them to summarize; you're asking them to reflect. It shows you understand that their internal experience matters as much as external events. Watch how people's entire posture changes when asked this—they lean in, they pause to think, they share something real.

4. "I'm probably wrong about this, but..."

Confidence is attractive, but the ability to be wrong gracefully is magnetic. This phrase creates psychological safety in conversation. It says: "I'm thinking out loud with you, not lecturing at you." It invites collaboration rather than debate, exploration rather than argument.

What makes this powerful is how it lowers defensive walls. When you present ideas as tentative rather than absolute, others feel free to build on them, disagree without conflict, or share their own half-formed thoughts. It transforms conversation from a series of declarations into actual thinking together.

5. "Tell me if I have this right..."

Paraphrasing is a basic active listening technique, but this phrase elevates it to an art form. Instead of assuming you understand, you're checking. Instead of interpreting silently, you're making your understanding visible and correctable. It shows you care enough about getting it right to risk getting it wrong.

People with excellent social skills use this strategically during complex or emotional discussions. They'll synthesize what they've heard, then offer it back for verification. "Tell me if I have this right—you're not frustrated about the decision itself, but about not being included in making it?" This precision in understanding makes people feel truly seen.

6. "That sounds challenging"

Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve or relate. Sometimes people need their struggles acknowledged before anything else. "That sounds challenging" validates without dramatizing, acknowledges without assuming, supports without overstepping. It's the conversational equivalent of sitting beside someone rather than across from them.

This phrase works because it avoids common empathy pitfalls. It doesn't minimize ("At least..."), doesn't redirect ("What I would do..."), and doesn't overdramatize ("That's terrible!"). It simply recognizes that the person is dealing with something difficult and creates space for them to share more if they want.

7. "I noticed that you..."

Specific observation is the highest form of attention. "I noticed that you always make sure everyone's included in conversations" or "I noticed how you handled that difficult question earlier." These aren't generic compliments—they're evidence that someone was worth watching, worth remembering.

The people who excel at connection understand that social attention is scarce. In a world where most people are half-listening while mentally preparing their next comment, genuine observation feels revolutionary. When you reflect back specific things you've noticed, you're saying: "You matter enough for me to pay attention to the details of who you are."

Final thoughts

Here's what Marcus understood that night at the wedding: winning people over isn't about being impressive—it's about being impressed. Every phrase that creates genuine connection shares this quality. They signal interest over interesting, curiosity over clever, understanding over being understood.

The phrases that win people over aren't tricks or techniques. They're invitations—to go deeper, to share more, to feel valued. They work because they emerge from a genuine belief that other people have something worthwhile to offer. When you approach conversations as opportunities to discover rather than perform, these phrases become natural.

What makes someone memorable isn't their ability to dominate a conversation but their ability to elevate one. The most socially skilled people understand that the phrases that win others over are the ones that make others feel like they're winning too. They don't collect admirers; they create moments where people discover their own worth reflected back to them. And that's not just social skill—that's social generosity.