7 phrases people use when they're lying to you about being "too busy"

We've all been there. You reach out to someone—maybe an old friend, a colleague, even a family member—and get hit with that familiar refrain: "I've just been so busy." The words land with a peculiar weight. Not quite rejection, not quite explanation, but something uncomfortably in between.

Busyness has become our universal excuse, a social lubricant that smooths over the rough edges of modern relationships. We deploy it so reflexively that we barely notice when others use it on us—or when we're the ones wielding it like a shield. But certain phrases give the game away. They're the tells in our collective poker face, revealing that sometimes "busy" is just another word for "no."

1. "Things have been crazy lately"

This phrase floats like a fog over every declined invitation and unanswered text. Notice the deliberate vagueness—"things" could mean anything, "crazy" defies measurement, and "lately" has no expiration date.

What makes this particularly revealing is its defensive posture. When someone genuinely has a packed schedule, they tend to be specific: "I'm traveling for work until Thursday" or "We're in the middle of moving houses." But "things have been crazy" asks you to accept a premise without evidence, to nod along sympathetically without asking follow-up questions.

The real tell? This phrase often comes paired with zero attempt to reschedule or reconnect. It's not an explanation; it's an exit strategy dressed up as an apology.

2. "Let me check my calendar and get back to you"

Here's what happens next: nothing. The calendar never gets checked, the getting back never happens, and both parties participate in an elaborate dance of pretending this isn't exactly what everyone expected.

This phrase is particularly insidious because it mimics the language of genuine scheduling. It sounds responsible, even respectful. But watch what happens when someone really wants to make plans—they pull out their phone right there, scroll through their calendar, and suggest specific dates. The difference between interest and politeness becomes crystal clear in that moment.

The calendar check that never comes is actually a kindness of sorts. It's easier than saying "I don't want to" and gentler than admitting "You're not high enough on my priority list." We've all done it, and we've all had it done to us.

3. "I'll definitely make the next one"

Narrator: They will not make the next one.

This promise carries the same weight as "we should grab coffee sometime"—which is to say, none at all. It's future-tense absolution, a way of declining today's invitation while maintaining the fiction that tomorrow might be different.

What's fascinating is how we use this phrase even when we know it's transparent. The person saying it doesn't mean it, the person hearing it doesn't believe it, yet we perform this ritual anyway because the alternative—honest discussion about the state of our relationship—feels too heavy for a Tuesday afternoon text exchange.

We're not just avoiding conflict; we're preserving possibility. As long as we keep saying "next time," we maintain the illusion that our relationships are merely paused, not ended.

4. "Work has been absolutely insane"

Work is the ultimate unassailable excuse. In our culture of competitive busyness, claiming professional overwhelm is like claiming diplomatic immunity—it's supposed to end all further discussion.

But here's what's interesting: truly overwhelmed people at work often crave social connection more, not less. They're the ones suggesting quick drinks after a brutal day or weekend brunches to decompress. When "work is insane" becomes a recurring excuse from the same person, it usually means something else entirely.

The phrase also reveals our collective discomfort with admitting that sometimes we choose work over relationships—not because we have to, but because we want to. It's easier to be a victim of circumstances than to acknowledge we're making active choices about how we spend our time.

5. "I'm just trying to focus on myself right now"

This one stings because it co-opts the language of self-care and personal growth—things we're all supposed to support unconditionally. Who could argue with someone prioritizing their mental health?

But genuine self-focus rarely requires announcing it as a blanket excuse. People actually working on themselves tend to be selective rather than wholesale in their social withdrawal. They might skip the party but make time for one-on-one coffee with a close friend. They establish boundaries rather than building walls.

When this phrase becomes a recurring refrain, it often masks something simpler: the relationship isn't providing enough value to justify the effort. And that's okay—not every connection needs to last forever. But dressing up natural relationship attrition in the language of self-improvement feels unnecessarily performative.

6. "You know how it is"

No, actually, we don't. This phrase assumes shared understanding where none exists, creating false intimacy while maintaining actual distance. It's meant to make you complicit in their unavailability—after all, you know how it is, don't you?

This phrase is particularly effective because it puts the burden on you to either challenge it (and seem unsympathetic) or accept it (and enable the pattern). It's a rhetorical sleight of hand that transforms their absence into your understanding.

What "you know how it is" really means is "I don't want to explain, and I'm hoping you won't ask me to." It's the conversational equivalent of a shrug, a way of avoiding accountability while seeming relatable.

7. "My schedule is just packed until..."

The date they give—"after the holidays," "once this project wraps up," "when things settle down"—is always conveniently far enough away to feel non-committal but close enough to seem plausible.

People with genuinely packed schedules who value relationships find ways to maintain them, even if modified. They send quick texts, they squeeze in five-minute calls, they find creative ways to include people in their existing commitments. The perpetually "packed until" person isn't too busy; they're conflict-avoidant.

Watch how these goalposts move. When "after the holidays" arrives, suddenly it's "once the kids are back in school." When the project wraps up, another one mysteriously appears. The specific date doesn't matter because it was never real to begin with.

Final thoughts

Here's the uncomfortable truth: we all use these phrases, and we all see through them. They're the modern equivalent of crossing the street to avoid an awkward encounter, except now we do it digitally, with words instead of sidewalks.

Maybe that's not entirely terrible. Not every relationship deserves radical honesty, and not every fade-out needs a formal goodbye. These gentle fictions help us navigate the overwhelming number of potential connections in our hyperconnected world without leaving a trail of hurt feelings.

But it's worth recognizing when we're on either side of these exchanges. When someone feeds you these lines repeatedly, they're telling you something important about where you stand. And when you hear yourself saying them, it might be time to examine why you're avoiding the truth—both with others and with yourself.

The real tragedy isn't that we lie about being busy. It's that we've created a world where being genuinely busy has become such a universal experience that it provides perfect cover for simply not wanting to engage. We've made ourselves so collectively overwhelmed that "I don't have time" has become indistinguishable from "I don't want to make time."

Perhaps that's the ultimate tell: in a world where everyone's busy, the people who make time for you are the ones telling the truth about what matters to them.