When someone rolls their eyes at your wine tasting hobby or mocks your interest in art galleries, they're revealing deep-seated anxieties about belonging, authenticity, and their own place in the social hierarchy.
"Oh, you think you're too good for us now?"
I'll never forget hearing those words at my ten-year high school reunion.
I'd just mentioned enjoying a wine tasting course I'd been taking, and suddenly the atmosphere shifted.
The eye rolls were almost audible.
We've all been there, haven't we? You mention something you genuinely enjoy, maybe it's opera, or learning about wine, or even just preferring cloth napkins to paper ones, and someone immediately labels it "pretentious" or "trying too hard."
Here's what I've learned after years of observing this pattern: When people mock what they perceive as "classy" behavior, they're wrestling with their own complicated feelings about class, success, and belonging.
If someone was truly comfortable with themselves, why would they feel the need to tear down someone else's interests or preferences?
The answer lies in these eight deeply rooted insecurities that I've seen play out time and time again.
1) Fear of not being "authentic" enough
Have you ever noticed how some people wear their lack of refinement like a badge of honor? They'll proudly declare they "don't get" art museums or that fancy food is "just showing off."
What's really happening here is a preemptive strike against potential judgment.
By rejecting anything that seems elevated before it can reject them, they protect themselves from feeling inadequate.
I saw this constantly during my years in finance.
Colleagues who grew up working-class would sometimes go out of their way to mock the very culture they were now part of.
One coworker used to brag about only drinking cheap beer at client dinners, making a show of refusing the wine list.
Years later, he admitted he was terrified of choosing the "wrong" wine and looking foolish.
The tragedy? No one was judging him except himself.
2) Imposter syndrome around social mobility
When someone has moved up in social class, whether through education, career success, or marriage, they often feel caught between two worlds.
They don't fully belong in their new environment, but they can't go back to the old one either.
This creates a peculiar defensiveness.
They mock "fancy" behavior to signal to their original group that they haven't changed, while simultaneously resenting those who seem comfortable in refined settings.
After leaving my six-figure finance job to become a writer, I noticed something interesting.
Some of my former colleagues who'd also come from middle-class backgrounds like mine became almost hostile about my career change.
They'd make snide comments about "finding myself" or "going artsy."
It took me a while to realize they weren't mocking my choice; they were defending theirs.
3) The belief that sophistication equals moral inferiority
There's this persistent myth that being interested in culture, etiquette, or refinement somehow makes you a worse person.
As if caring about which fork to use means you don't care about social justice or human kindness.
People assume that if you possess one positive quality (like cultural knowledge), you must lack another (like authenticity or warmth).
So when someone sees classy behavior, they immediately assume the person must be cold, calculating, or fake.
Mocking becomes a way to reclaim moral superiority, like "Sure, they know about wine, but I'm real."
4) Financial anxiety and shame
Let's be honest about something: A lot of what we call "classy" costs money, enough that class and economic status get tangled up in complicated ways.
When people mock these behaviors, they're often expressing anxiety about their own financial situation.
Every mention of travel, theater tickets, or nice restaurants can feel like a reminder of what they can't afford.
During my finance years, I made excellent money but was deeply unhappy.
What I learned? Having money doesn't automatically make these insecurities disappear.
Some of my wealthiest colleagues were the quickest to mock anything that seemed "too fancy," as if they needed to prove they hadn't been changed by their success.
5) Fear of being exposed as uncultured
Ever been in a conversation where someone aggressively mocks something cultural, then it turns out they've never actually experienced it?
"Ballet is so boring," says someone who's never been.
"Modern art is just random splashes," says someone who's never visited a gallery.
"Wine tasting is pretentious," says someone who's never tried it.
This preemptive dismissal is a defense mechanism.
If you reject something before trying it, you never risk revealing that you don't understand it or, worse, that you might not be sophisticated enough to appreciate it.
The irony? Most "classy" experiences are far more accessible and less intimidating than people imagine.
That wine tasting course I mentioned? Half the class had never tried wine before.
We all learned together with no judgment anywhere.
6) Childhood wounds around class differences
Our earliest experiences with class often leave the deepest marks.
Maybe you were the kid with the "wrong" clothes, or you remember a wealthy classmate's birthday party where you felt completely out of place.
These childhood experiences create a narrative: "People who like fancy things think they're better than me."
Adult encounters with anything that seems classy can trigger those old feelings of exclusion and inadequacy.
Growing up as an only child with high-achieving parents, I felt this pressure from a different angle.
Everything had to be "excellent" and "proper."
It took years to realize I was carrying that achievement addiction into adulthood, and equally long to stop projecting those expectations onto others.
7) The myth of effortless superiority
Social media has amplified a dangerous misconception: That some people are just naturally sophisticated.
We see the polished end result but not the learning process.
When people encounter someone knowledgeable about art, wine, or etiquette, they assume this person was born knowing these things.
This feeds into feelings of inherent inadequacy, "They're just that type of person, and I'm not."
But here's what's actually true: Everyone had to learn.
Nobody emerges from the womb knowing how to properly hold a wine glass or discuss contemporary art.
What looks like "natural" sophistication is usually just someone who was curious enough to learn and confident enough to practice.
8) Conflating preference with judgment
Perhaps the biggest insecurity is the fear that someone else's preferences are actually judgments about your own.
If someone enjoys opera, it must mean they think your love of pop music is inferior; if they prefer fine dining, they must look down on your favorite burger joint.
However, preferences aren't judgments.
Someone enjoying something different doesn't diminish what you enjoy.
This zero-sum thinking about taste and culture keeps people trapped in defensive positions, mocking what they assume is mocking them.
Final thoughts
After years of straddling different worlds, from middle-class suburbs to investment firms to farmers' markets where I now volunteer, I've learned something crucial: true class has nothing to do with knowing which wine pairs with fish.
Real sophistication is about curiosity, kindness, and the confidence to enjoy what you enjoy without apology or aggression.
Whether that's opera or NASCAR, wine tastings or beer pong.
The next time you hear someone mocking "classy" behavior, try responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
Ask what they enjoy and share your experiences without evangelizing; you might find that beneath the mockery is someone who just wants to belong, just like the rest of us.
Remember, we're all figuring it out as we go.
The goal is to be genuinely ourselves while staying open to new experiences, regardless of which side of the "classy" divide they fall on.
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