7 things exceptional listeners say that average conversationalists never think to use

Ever notice how some people make you feel truly heard while others leave you feeling like you've been talking to a wall?

I used to be firmly in the second camp. During my years as a financial analyst, I prided myself on being efficient, getting straight to solutions, and cutting through the noise.

But here's what I learned the hard way: Being a good conversationalist has almost nothing to do with having the right answers and everything to do with asking the right questions and saying the right things at the right moments.

The difference between exceptional listeners and average conversationalists isn't about intelligence or charisma. It's about the specific phrases they use that create genuine connection.

After years of working on my own communication skills (including some humbling couples therapy sessions where I discovered just how much I needed to improve), I've identified seven key things that great listeners say that most of us never think to use.

1) "What happened next?"

This simple question changed everything for me. Most of us jump in with our own stories or advice the moment someone pauses. But exceptional listeners lean in with curiosity instead.

When someone shares something challenging or exciting, resist the urge to immediately relate it to your own experience. Instead, invite them deeper into their story.

"What happened next?" shows you're fully invested in their narrative, not just waiting for your turn to talk.

I learned this while mentoring young women entering finance. One mentee was sharing her frustration about a meeting where her ideas were dismissed. My old self would have launched into advice mode or shared my own war stories. Instead, I asked what happened next.

She opened up about how she handled it, what she learned, and ultimately solved her own problem just by talking it through. Sometimes people need a witness more than they need a coach.

2) "That sounds really important to you"

Validation is like oxygen in conversations, yet most of us forget to provide it. We're so focused on responding that we skip acknowledging what we've heard.

This phrase works magic because it doesn't require you to agree or disagree. You're simply recognizing the weight of what someone is sharing.

Whether they're excited about a new hobby or stressed about a family situation, acknowledging the importance shows you're truly listening.

Try this next time someone shares something with you. Before offering any response, first acknowledge the significance. Watch how their entire posture changes when they feel seen.

3) "Help me understand..."

Three words that can transform a potential argument into a genuine conversation. When someone says something that confuses you or even triggers you, starting with "Help me understand" creates space for clarity instead of conflict.

During therapy, I discovered I had a habit of assuming I knew what my partner meant, then responding to my assumption rather than their actual words.

"Help me understand why that upset you" or "Help me understand what you need from me" became relationship game-changers.

This phrase works because it positions you as wanting to learn rather than wanting to be right. And let me tell you, learning that being right matters less than being kind was one of my hardest but most valuable lessons.

4) "What was that like for you?"

Most conversations stay on the surface level of facts and events. Exceptional listeners dive deeper by asking about the emotional experience.

When someone tells you about their promotion, their breakup, or their weekend trip, don't just ask for details. Ask what it was like for them. This question invites people to share feelings, not just facts.

A stranger at a farmers' market once asked me this after I mentioned transitioning from finance to writing.

Instead of the usual "Do you miss the money?" or "What do you write about?", she asked what the change was like for me. That simple question led to a profound conversation about identity, purpose, and community that reminded me why human connection matters so much.

5) "I'm just going to listen for a bit"

Revolutionary concept: Announcing your intention to listen. Most people don't realize they need permission to just vent without getting advice in return.

I discovered this phrase after years of being the friend who problem-solved everything. Someone would share a frustration, and I'd immediately start strategizing solutions. Finally, a close friend told me, "Sometimes I just need you to listen, not fix."

Now, when I sense someone needs to unload, I'll say something like, "I'm just going to listen for a bit. Take your time." The relief on their faces is immediate. They can share without bracing for judgment or unsolicited advice.

6) "Is there more?"

We're conditioned to fill silences, but exceptional listeners know that pauses often mean someone is gathering courage to share something deeper.

When someone finishes speaking and there's a pause, resist the urge to immediately respond. Instead, gently ask, "Is there more?" or "Is there anything else on your mind about this?"

Nine times out of ten, there is more. And that more is usually the real issue they needed to discuss. The first thing people share is often just the surface. The important stuff comes after they feel safe enough to go deeper.

7) "Thank you for trusting me with this"

When someone shares something vulnerable, personal, or difficult, acknowledge the gift they've given you. Most of us rush to reassure or relate, but exceptional listeners recognize the courage it takes to open up.

This phrase honors the trust someone has placed in you. Whether they've shared a struggle, a dream, or a fear, thanking them for their trust deepens the connection and makes them more likely to continue being open with you.

I started using this after realizing how many conversations end awkwardly when someone shares something heavy. Now, instead of scrambling for the perfect response, I simply acknowledge the trust. It creates a moment of genuine connection that both people remember.

Final thoughts

Becoming an exceptional listener isn't about having special talents or natural charisma. It's about consciously choosing phrases that create space for others to be heard and understood.

These seven phrases have transformed my relationships, both personal and professional. They've helped me move from being someone who had all the answers to someone who asks better questions.

And honestly? Life is so much richer when you're truly listening instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.

Start with just one phrase. Pick the one that feels most natural and try it in your next conversation. You might be surprised by how such small changes in what you say can create such big changes in how people open up to you.

Remember, every exceptional listener started as someone who decided to listen differently. Your journey to becoming one starts with your very next conversation.