7 things boomer parents did that their adult children still resent (and why they might have a point)

Picture this: You're at a family dinner and your mom starts telling that embarrassing story from when you were twelve. Again. Or maybe your dad launches into his usual speech about how "kids today have it too easy." Sound familiar?

If you're nodding along, you're not alone. As someone who spent years unpacking my own complicated relationship with my boomer parents, I've noticed these patterns come up again and again in conversations with friends and clients.

There's this shared experience of loving our parents deeply while also carrying some genuine frustration about how they raised us.

Here's what I've learned: Most boomer parents did the best they could with the tools they had. But that doesn't mean their approach was perfect, and it certainly doesn't mean we can't acknowledge how some of their choices affected us.

Sometimes, understanding where our resentments come from is the first step toward healing them.

So let's dive into seven common things boomer parents did that still make their adult children's eyes twitch at family gatherings.

1) They invalidated emotions instead of acknowledging them

Remember crying as a kid and being told to "stop being so sensitive" or "big boys/girls don't cry"? Yeah, that one left a mark.

Many boomer parents grew up in households where emotions were seen as weaknesses, especially for men. They passed this along to us with the best intentions, thinking they were toughening us up for the real world.

But what actually happened? A whole generation learned to stuff their feelings down and pretend everything was fine.

I spent my twenties thinking something was wrong with me because I felt things "too deeply."

Turns out, I just had normal human emotions that were never validated growing up. My therapist had a field day with that one.

The thing is, when kids don't learn healthy ways to process emotions, they become adults who struggle with relationships, stress management, and self-awareness.

No wonder so many of us are in therapy now, finally learning it's okay to feel our feelings.

2) They pushed achievement over happiness

Growing up, I was the "gifted" kid. Sounds great, right? Except it came with this crushing pressure to be perfect at everything. My parents meant well.

They wanted me to have opportunities they didn't have. But somewhere along the way, my worth became tied to my achievements.

Even now, my mother introduces me as "my daughter who worked in finance" rather than "my daughter the writer." It stings every time. Like my years as a financial analyst somehow matter more than doing work I'm passionate about.

So many of us learned that love and approval were conditional on our performance. Got straight A's? You're amazing! Struggled in math? Better work harder.

This created adults who are chronic overachievers, terrified of failure, and unable to rest without feeling guilty.

The workplace burnout epidemic? The inability to enjoy success? The constant feeling that we're never doing enough? Connect the dots.

3) They dismissed mental health struggles

• "You're just going through a phase."
• "Everyone gets sad sometimes."
• "You don't need a therapist, you just need to buck up."

If you heard any version of these growing up, you know exactly what I'm talking about. For many boomers, mental health wasn't something you discussed.

Depression was "feeling blue," anxiety was "worrying too much," and ADHD was "not applying yourself."

A friend recently told me she spent years thinking she was lazy and unmotivated.

Turns out she had undiagnosed ADHD that her parents refused to acknowledge because "that's just an excuse for bad behavior." She's 38 and just now getting the help she needed decades ago.

This dismissive attitude toward mental health created adults who struggle in silence, feel shame about needing help, or don't even recognize their own mental health challenges because they were taught to minimize them.

4) They made major decisions without explanation

"Because I said so." The three words that launched a thousand resentments.

Boomer parents often made decisions that affected the whole family without explaining their reasoning or considering input from their kids.

Moving across the country? Switching schools? Major financial choices? Kids were expected to just go along with it, no questions asked.

This authoritarian approach might have kept households running smoothly, but it also created adults who struggle with decision-making, have trouble trusting their own judgment, or swing to the opposite extreme and become controlling themselves.

We learned that our opinions didn't matter, that we couldn't be trusted with information, and that questioning authority was disrespectful.

Is it any wonder so many of us struggle with assertiveness and boundaries in adulthood?

5) They compared us to others constantly

• "Why can't you be more like your cousin Sarah?"
• "The neighbor's kid got into Harvard."
• "When I was your age, I already had a house and two kids."

The comparison game was strong with boomer parents. Whether they were comparing us to siblings, classmates, or their own younger selves, the message was clear: We weren't measuring up.

These comparisons were supposed to motivate us, but instead they created deep insecurity and a constant feeling of inadequacy. Many of us still hear that critical voice in our heads, comparing ourselves to everyone around us and always coming up short.

Social media has only amplified this problem. We're already programmed to compare ourselves, and now we have a 24/7 highlight reel of everyone else's best moments. Thanks for that foundation, Mom and Dad.

6) They avoided difficult conversations

Sex, death, money, family problems, mental illness, addiction. These topics were off-limits in many boomer households. Problems were swept under the rug, family secrets were kept hidden, and "we don't talk about that" became a family motto.

This culture of silence left us unprepared for real life.

We entered adulthood not knowing how to have hard conversations, set boundaries, or deal with conflict in healthy ways. We learned that uncomfortable topics should be avoided rather than addressed.

I remember finding out about a family member's addiction only after they'd been in recovery for years. The secrecy was supposed to protect us, but it just taught us that shameful things should be hidden, even from the people who love you most.

7) They struggled to admit mistakes or apologize

When was the last time you heard a genuine, heartfelt apology from a boomer parent? For many of us, the answer is never.

Admitting mistakes was seen as weakness. Apologizing to your children? Unthinkable. Parents were the authority, and authorities don't apologize.

This created a dynamic where parents could hurt their children, intentionally or not, and never acknowledge or repair that damage.

We grew up thinking that being wrong was shameful, that apologies were signs of weakness, and that relationships could continue without ever addressing hurt.

Many of us are still waiting for apologies we'll never receive, carrying resentments that could have been healed with a simple "I'm sorry, I was wrong."

Final thoughts

Reading through this list might bring up some feelings. Maybe anger, sadness, or recognition. That's okay. Acknowledging how our upbringing affected us isn't about blame or staying stuck in resentment. It's about understanding ourselves better so we can heal and grow.

Our boomer parents were products of their own upbringing, dealing with their own unprocessed trauma and societal pressures. They loved us in the ways they knew how, even if those ways sometimes caused harm.

The question now is: What do we do with this awareness?

We can choose to break these cycles. We can learn to validate emotions, prioritize mental health, have difficult conversations, and apologize when we're wrong. We can take the good our parents gave us and leave behind what doesn't serve us.

Healing these resentments doesn't mean pretending they don't exist.

It means acknowledging them, understanding where they came from, and choosing how we want to move forward.

And sometimes, it means accepting that our parents might never fully understand or acknowledge the impact of their choices, and finding peace with that anyway.

After all, we're not just our parents' children anymore. We're adults with the power to write our own stories.