People who use their phone to avoid social discomfort usually have these 6 personality traits

We’ve all been there.

You walk into a room full of people and feel a little awkward. You don’t know anyone well, conversation feels intimidating, and there’s a weird silence hovering around you.

So what do you do? You pull out your phone. Pretend to scroll. Maybe even check emails you’ve already read.

It feels like the perfect social shield. No one bothers you, and you avoid that unnerving sense of “I don’t know what to say.”

But here’s the kicker: this little escape mechanism often reveals more about us than we think.

Over the years, I’ve noticed a trend—especially among people who use their phones as a social buffer. There are a few key personality traits that pop up again and again. If this sounds like you (or someone you know), read on.

1. High self-monitoring

Ever catch yourself rehearsing what you’ll say before joining a group conversation?

That’s self-monitoring at work. It’s the tendency to adjust your behavior based on how you think others perceive you.

People high in self-monitoring are hyper-aware of their social image. They can be chameleons—blending into different settings—but often at the cost of authenticity and comfort.

When discomfort strikes in social settings, the phone becomes a safe space. A way to avoid saying the “wrong” thing or fumbling in front of others. High self-monitors tend to fear judgment, so silence feels risky. And pulling out a phone? It’s a silent escape hatch.

The funny thing is, I used to do this during networking events when I worked in finance. I’d scroll through Bloomberg just to look busy, even though my mind was nowhere near the market.

I was just trying to manage the image of “competent, composed professional.” Looking back, I was just socially anxious and didn’t know how to sit in the discomfort of being out of place.

2. Introversion (but not always shyness)

This one might sound obvious, but it deserves a closer look.

Introverts aren’t necessarily shy—they just recharge alone and find large group settings draining.

For them, social events can feel like being on stage without a script. And unlike extroverts who thrive on spontaneous chatter, introverts often need a bit more mental prep to engage.

The phone? It’s the perfect retreat. You’re still physically present but mentally offstage.

That doesn’t mean all phone-scrollers are introverts, of course. But when someone consistently avoids interaction this way, it often ties back to an internal energy economy—one that prefers peace over performative conversation.

3. Social sensitivity

Some folks are simply more tuned in to the vibes around them. They notice who’s glancing their way, who’s in a tense exchange, who’s dominating the conversation—and they internalize it all.

This heightened awareness can be a double-edged sword.

On one hand, socially sensitive people are great at reading the room. On the other, they often overthink their own place in that room. They may worry about being intrusive, awkward, or out of sync.

So rather than risk a misstep, they step into their phones.

I once worked with someone like this during a volunteer gig at a market. She was incredibly kind and observant, but the second she felt like she didn’t “fit in,” she’d bury herself in Instagram.

When I finally asked her about it, she admitted, “I just don’t know how to insert myself without feeling like a nuisance.”

That right there? Social sensitivity in action. Deep empathy, but also deep hesitation.

4. Fear of rejection

Let’s get real for a moment: rejection sucks.

Whether it’s being ignored in a group conversation or feeling like your joke didn’t land, social rejection—even in its smallest forms—stings.

For some, that sting is sharper than for others. If you’ve ever felt like you needed a social “armor,” chances are you’re carrying a bit of this trait. And guess what one of the easiest pieces of armor is? Your phone.

It sends a subtle message: I’m busy. I’m engaged elsewhere. I don’t need interaction right now. All of which protect you from potential snubs or awkward silences.

 The phone becomes the most convenient avoidance tool in those moments.

5. Preference for control

Some people don’t just like control—they crave it. They prefer structured conversations, clear social roles, and predictable environments.

When those things go out the window—like in unstructured mingling or unpredictable group dynamics—they feel off balance.

So what do they do? They grab their phones. Because that little screen offers something the real world doesn’t: complete control.

You can scroll, swipe, tap, and exit at will. You don’t have to navigate weird pauses or ambiguous expressions. It’s a world where you call all the shots.

I had a client once tell me, “I hate small talk because there’s no script. I never know when to start or stop.” Her phone gave her a sense of control, even if it meant missing out on spontaneous connection.

If this sounds like you, it’s not necessarily a flaw. But it might be worth asking: what am I giving up in exchange for that control?

6. Low tolerance for ambiguity

This one is closely connected to the previous point. 

People with low ambiguity tolerance like things to be clear-cut. They get anxious in grey areas—whether it’s vague instructions, unclear relationships, or yes, ambiguous social situations.

Social interactions are full of unsaid rules, changing signals, and unpredictable responses. For someone who struggles with that, even small social moments can feel like mental gymnastics.

Enter the phone. It’s a refuge from having to decode social complexity in real time.

This trait often overlaps with analytical thinkers—people who thrive on logic and predictability. (I say this with love because I’ve been that person too.) Back when I worked in finance, I could handle complicated spreadsheets with ease. But navigating a room full of networking professionals? Cue the strategic phone check.

Final thoughts

So, what do these six traits tell us?

Not that there’s something wrong with you if you reach for your phone when things get uncomfortable. Honestly, most of us do it from time to time. The issue is when it becomes a habit—one that robs us of growth, connection, and even self-discovery.

Phones are easy. They fill the gaps. But those gaps—those awkward, uncertain, sometimes cringe-worthy moments—are where real connection often starts.

Next time you’re in one of those spaces, pause before reaching into your pocket. Ask yourself: what am I avoiding right now? And what might happen if I stayed present instead?

You don’t need to be the life of the party. But being open, even just a little, might surprise you.

And if nothing else, you’ll be giving yourself a shot at deeper self-awareness—which is, after all, the heart of personal development.