I grew up working-class but now socialize with wealthy people — here are the 7 unspoken rules I had to learn

The first time I walked into that investment firm at 23, fresh out of university with my economics degree and a mountain of student loan debt, I thought hard work was all I needed to succeed.

I was wrong.

There was an entirely different set of rules operating beneath the surface. Rules that nobody explicitly taught but everyone seemed to know. Rules about how to network, how to dress, how to talk about money without actually talking about money.

It took me nearly two decades in finance to crack the code. Some lessons came from embarrassing mistakes. Others from quietly observing colleagues who seemed to glide through situations that left me floundering.

Now, years after leaving that six-figure salary to pursue writing, I can see those unspoken rules more clearly than ever. And I've realized that understanding them isn't about abandoning your roots. It's about gaining access to spaces that were designed to keep certain people out.

If you're navigating between different social classes, these are the invisible rules I wish someone had explained to me from the start.

1) Small talk is actually strategic networking

When I first started my career as a financial analyst at 23, I thought small talk was pointless chatter. Growing up, conversations in my household were direct and functional. We talked about what needed to be done, problems that needed solving, immediate concerns.

But in my investment firm, I quickly realized that those seemingly casual conversations about weekend plans, vacation destinations, or restaurant recommendations weren't just polite filler. They were relationship building. They were trust establishing. They were the foundation for future business deals and career advancement.

I remember bombing an early networking event because I kept trying to steer every conversation toward work. My boss pulled me aside later and said, "Nobody wants to talk shop at a cocktail party. They want to know if they'd enjoy having dinner with you."

It took me years to understand that in wealthier circles, relationships come before transactions. The small talk isn't wasted time. It's the main event.

2) Your network is expected to open doors

One of the biggest shocks during my nearly 20 years in finance was discovering how much happened through connections rather than merit alone.

In my family, you got ahead by working harder than everyone else. You put in the hours, you proved yourself, you earned your spot. The idea that someone would make a phone call on your behalf felt like cheating.

But in professional circles, leveraging your network isn't just acceptable, it's expected. People with generational wealth understand that resources include relationships. They're not just comfortable asking for introductions or favors, they see it as how the world works.

I struggled with this for years. Asking felt like admitting I couldn't do it on my own. I had to reframe it entirely.

Using your network isn't about being incapable, it's about being strategic. Once I started making introductions for others and accepting help when offered, doors opened that hard work alone would never have unlocked.

3) Talking about money directly is considered tacky

Here's a weird one. In working-class environments, people talk openly about what things cost, how much they make, whether something is a good deal. Money is a constant, practical consideration.

But I learned quickly that directly discussing prices or salaries in wealthier settings was considered gauche. People would talk around money. They'd say something was "an investment" or "worth it" without ever mentioning the actual number.

When I was passed over for promotion twice despite outperforming male colleagues, I wanted to march into HR and demand to know exactly what everyone was making.

But that's not how it works in those environments. Everything is implied, suggested, negotiated behind closed doors.

I had to learn the coded language. "Comfortable" means wealthy. "Family money" means they don't work for income. "Between opportunities" means unemployed. Once you crack the code, you realize how much information is being shared without anyone actually saying the direct thing.

It frustrated me for years. Part of me still thinks the working-class approach of calling a spade a spade is healthier. But understanding the unspoken rules helped me navigate situations where I would've otherwise embarrassed myself.

4) Dressing well means investing significantly in your appearance

I showed up to my first major client meeting wearing what I thought was a nice outfit. A colleague took one look at my off-the-rack suit and synthetic-blend blouse and quietly suggested we go shopping before the next one.

That's when I learned that "professional attire" in wealthy circles doesn't mean clean and pressed. It means quality fabrics, tailored fits, and subtle details that signal you belong.

I watched my coworkers drop what seemed like obscene amounts on clothing. A single blazer could cost more than I'd spent on my entire wardrobe growing up. And they didn't see it as frivolous. They saw it as essential.

The shift happened for me when I saved up and bought one really well-made outfit. The fabric felt different, and it did hang differently. And people responded to me differently. It wasn't fair, but that was the reality of it.

I'm not saying you need to drain your savings on designer labels. But I learned that in certain professional environments, your appearance is read as a proxy for your attention to detail, your understanding of quality, and whether you're "one of us."

5) Experiences are valued more than possessions

This one actually surprised me. I expected wealthy people to be obsessed with acquiring things. And sure, they often have nice things. But what they really bond over and prioritize are experiences.

During my years in finance, I noticed that conversations rarely centered on what someone bought. Instead, people talked about where they traveled, what restaurants they tried, what shows they saw, what conferences they attended.

My running partner Marcus helped me understand this after we met at a trail running event five years ago. His family had money, and he explained that once you have enough possessions, they stop being interesting. But experiences, especially unique or exclusive ones, become the currency of connection.

I had to shift my entire mindset around spending. Growing up, buying something tangible felt responsible. Spending money on an experience felt wasteful because you'd have nothing to show for it afterward.

But in professional circles, having been somewhere or done something becomes part of your identity and your conversation toolkit. It's another form of cultural capital.

6) Confidence is assumed, not earned

People who grow up with financial security often carry themselves with an unshakeable confidence. It took me years to realize this wasn't necessarily because they were more capable. It was because they'd never been given a reason to doubt themselves.

I dealt with crushing imposter syndrome throughout my career. Every success felt like luck. Every setback felt like proof I didn't belong. Meanwhile, colleagues who'd grown up with privilege seemed to glide through failures without it denting their self-assurance.

My former demanding female boss once told me, "You apologize before you've even made a mistake. Stop expecting to fail." She was right. I was so used to feeling like I had to prove myself that I couldn't just assume I belonged.

Wealthy environments reward people who act like they deserve to be there. Not in an arrogant way, but with a quiet certainty. They ask for what they want. They speak up in meetings. They don't second-guess their right to take up space.

I had to consciously practice this confidence. It felt fake at first, like I was lying. But eventually, I realized that confidence isn't about knowing you'll succeed. It's about knowing you'll survive if you don't.

7) Time is protected fiercely, not filled constantly

In working-class jobs, being busy signals value. You work overtime, you take every shift, you never turn down an opportunity to make money. Time equals income, so you maximize every hour.

But in wealthier professional circles, I learned that guarding your time signals status. People who are truly successful don't brag about working 80-hour weeks. They talk about boundaries, sabbaticals, unplugging.

When I experienced burnout at 38, I finally understood this. I'd been wearing my exhaustion like a badge of honor. I thought saying yes to everything made me indispensable. Instead, it made me depleted.

My wealthier colleagues had always been comfortable saying no. Not rudely, but firmly. They protected their evenings, their weekends, their vacation time. And somehow, this made them more respected, not less.

I had to learn that being perpetually available actually diminished my perceived value. The people who treated their time as precious taught others to do the same. It was completely backward from everything I'd learned growing up, but it was how power actually operated.

Final thoughts

Learning these unspoken rules didn't happen overnight. Some of them still feel uncomfortable, even after years of navigating professional environments.

The truth is, none of these rules are inherently right or wrong. They're just different. Understanding them gave me access to opportunities I wouldn't have had otherwise. But I also tried to hold onto the values I grew up with: directness, hard work, and not taking anything for granted.

You don't have to abandon where you came from to learn how to move in different spaces. But ignoring these unspoken rules won't make them go away. Awareness gives you choices about when to adapt and when to stay true to yourself.

Some of the wealthiest, most successful people I've met are the ones who can code-switch between worlds. They understand both sets of rules and use them strategically.

The class divide is real, and these unspoken rules are part of how it perpetuates itself. But knowledge is power. Once you see the game being played, you can decide how you want to play it.