Just as Marie Kondo taught us to declutter our homes, it's time to examine which friendships are secretly draining your energy, holding you back, or keeping you tethered to an outdated version of yourself.
You know that feeling when you open your closet and it's stuffed with clothes you never wear? The same thing happens with our social circles.
We accumulate relationships over the years, some that energize us and others that leave us feeling drained, yet we hold onto them all out of habit, guilt, or fear of letting go.
Marie Kondo revolutionized the way we think about our possessions with one simple question: "Does it spark joy?" But what if we applied this same principle to the people in our lives?
As someone who's spent years studying Buddhist principles of non-attachment and made some pretty drastic life changes myself (including leaving everything behind to move to Southeast Asia), I've learned that the quality of our relationships is the single biggest predictor of life satisfaction. Yet so many of us pour energy into connections that no longer serve us.
Here are seven types of relationships that might be time to release in 2026 if they're not sparking joy in your life.
1. The friend who only calls when they need something
We all know this person. Radio silence for months, then suddenly your phone lights up with their name when they need a favor, advice, or someone to vent to.
I had a friend like this for years. Every conversation felt like an emotional dumping ground where I was the therapist, the problem-solver, the constant giver. When I finally needed support during a rough patch? Nowhere to be found.
These one-sided friendships aren't really friendships at all. They're transactions where you're always on the losing end. A real friendship involves mutual support, not just one person constantly withdrawing from the emotional bank account while never making deposits.
Ask yourself: When was the last time this person checked in just to see how you're doing? If you can't remember, it might be time to stop answering those calls.
2. The perpetual pessimist who drains your energy
You know the type. Every conversation becomes a marathon complaint session. Nothing is ever right in their world, and they have a special talent for finding the dark cloud in every silver lining.
Look, we all go through tough times and need to vent. But there's a difference between a friend going through a rough patch and someone who's made negativity their entire personality.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how Buddhist philosophy teaches us about the contagious nature of mental states. Spend enough time around constant negativity, and it starts seeping into your own mindset.
If someone's presence consistently leaves you feeling exhausted, anxious, or pessimistic about your own life, that's not joy. That's emotional vampirism.
3. The competitor who can't celebrate your wins
Got a promotion? They'll tell you about their bigger raise. Planning a vacation? Theirs was better. Share good news? Somehow the conversation always circles back to their achievements.
Competition can be healthy when it pushes us to grow. But when a friendship feels more like a constant game of one-upmanship, something's wrong.
True friends celebrate your victories as if they were their own. They're genuinely happy when good things happen to you, not secretly tallying scores or feeling threatened by your success.
I remember sharing news about a project I was excited about with someone I considered a close friend. Instead of congratulations, I got a lecture about how the market was oversaturated and a list of reasons it would probably fail. That conversation taught me everything I needed to know about that relationship.
4. The ghost from your past who keeps you stuck
Sometimes we hold onto friendships simply because of history. You've known each other since high school, college, or that first job, and even though you've grown in completely different directions, you feel obligated to maintain the connection.
But here's the thing: shared history doesn't equal present compatibility. People change. You change. And that's not just okay, it's natural.
When I made my move to Southeast Asia, I realized how many relationships I was maintaining out of nostalgia rather than genuine connection. These friendships kept me anchored to an old version of myself that I'd outgrown.
If your interactions feel forced, if you have nothing to talk about except memories from a decade ago, if you feel like you have to be a different person around them, maybe it's time to honor what was and let it go.
5. The boundary crosser who doesn't respect your limits
You've told them you can't lend money right now, but they keep asking. You've explained you need Sunday mornings for yourself, but they guilt-trip you for not hanging out. You've set clear boundaries, and they treat them like suggestions.
Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When someone repeatedly ignores your boundaries, they're telling you that their wants matter more than your needs.
Buddhist philosophy teaches us about the importance of right relationships, connections that honor both people's autonomy and wellbeing. A friend who can't respect your boundaries isn't practicing right relationship. They're practicing control.
6. The friend who makes you feel bad about yourself
This one can be subtle. They make little digs disguised as jokes. They point out your flaws "because they care." They have a way of making you question your choices, your appearance, your worth.
In Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I write about how our environment shapes our inner world. The people we surround ourselves with become the voices in our head.
Do you leave their presence feeling uplifted or deflated? Do they bring out your best self or make you feel like you're never quite good enough?
A friend who consistently makes you feel worse about yourself isn't a friend. They're an anchor dragging you down to their level of insecurity.
7. The drama magnet who thrives on chaos
Every week brings a new crisis. A new conflict. A new reason for everything to be falling apart. And somehow, you always get pulled into the eye of the storm.
Some people are addicted to drama. They create it, seek it out, and spread it like wildfire. Being their friend means constantly being on high alert, never knowing when you'll be dragged into their latest catastrophe or conflict with someone else.
Peace is precious. Once you've experienced the calm that comes from drama-free relationships, you realize how exhausting it was to constantly be in crisis mode.
Life has enough genuine challenges without manufactured chaos. If someone's friendship feels like a soap opera you can't turn off, maybe it's time to change the channel.
Final words
Releasing relationships that no longer serve you isn't cruel or selfish. It's an act of self-respect and honesty. Just like decluttering your physical space creates room for things that truly matter, releasing draining friendships creates space for connections that genuinely enrich your life.
The beautiful thing about applying Marie Kondo's philosophy to friendships is that it forces you to get clear on what joy actually feels like in a relationship. Joy in friendship looks like mutual support, genuine laughter, comfortable silences, and the feeling of being truly seen and accepted.
As we step into 2026, give yourself permission to be selective about who gets access to your time, energy, and heart. Quality over quantity isn't just a cliché when it comes to relationships. It's a recipe for a life that actually feels good to live.
Your energy is finite. Your time is precious. Choose to spend both on people who spark joy, who lift you up, who make you feel grateful they're in your life. Everything else? Thank it for what it taught you, and let it go.
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