If someone does these 8 things around you in public, they secretly can't stand you but are too polite to show it

Ever notice how someone can smile at you while their body seems to be trying to escape the conversation?

I learned this lesson the hard way at a networking event a few years back. I was chatting with a former colleague from my finance days, someone I thought I had a decent relationship with. She was all smiles and pleasantries, but something felt off. Her feet were pointed toward the exit, she kept checking her phone, and every response felt like it was being pulled from her with invisible pliers.

Later, a mutual friend confirmed what I'd suspected: she couldn't stand me but was too polite to show it directly.

That experience opened my eyes to the subtle ways people communicate their true feelings, especially when they're trying to maintain social politeness.

After spending nearly two decades as a financial analyst, I'd gotten pretty good at reading between the lines of spreadsheets and quarterly reports. But reading between the lines of human behavior? That took me a while to master.

If you've ever wondered whether someone genuinely enjoys your company or is just being polite, these eight behaviors might help you decode their true feelings. Trust me, once you start noticing these patterns, you'll save yourself a lot of wasted energy on one-sided relationships.

1. They give you the bare minimum in conversation

You know that feeling when you're trying to have a conversation and every response you get is a conversational dead end?

You ask how their weekend was, and they say "fine." You share something exciting about your life, and they respond with "cool" or "nice."

When someone secretly can't stand you, they'll often resort to what I call conversational minimalism.

They'll answer your questions, sure, but they won't elaborate, ask follow-up questions, or share anything meaningful in return. They're fulfilling their social obligation to respond without actually engaging.

I once had a colleague who would do this constantly. Every interaction felt like I was conducting an interview where the subject really didn't want to be there. The contrast became obvious when I saw how animated and chatty she was with other people.

That's when I realized our "friendship" existed only in my imagination.

2. Their body is trying to leave while their mouth is still talking

Body language speaks volumes, especially when it contradicts what someone is saying.

If someone's feet are pointed away from you, their torso is angled toward an exit, or they're literally stepping backward while maintaining conversation, their body is telling you what their words won't.

Watch for crossed arms, minimal eye contact, or that telltale lean away when you lean in. These subtle physical cues are their body's way of creating distance without being overtly rude.

They might nod and smile, but if their entire body posture screams "get me out of here," believe the body, not the words.

3. They suddenly become very busy when you appear

Picture this: You walk into a room where someone is casually scrolling through their phone or chatting with others.

The moment they see you, they suddenly have an urgent email to send, a call to make, or remember something crucial they need to do right now.

This happened to me repeatedly with someone I considered a friend. Every time I'd approach her at social gatherings, she'd suddenly need to use the restroom, grab a drink, or check on something.

At first, I thought it was coincidence. Then I noticed she never seemed to have these urgent needs when talking to other people.

When someone consistently finds excuses to cut interactions short or avoid them altogether, they're telling you something without saying it directly.

4. They never initiate contact or suggest hanging out

Relationships are a two-way street. If you're always the one reaching out, always the one suggesting coffee or lunch, always the one starting conversations, you might be dealing with someone who's just too polite to tell you they'd rather not.

I spent months trying to maintain a friendship with someone from my old finance team. I'd text, suggest meetups, send funny memes. She'd respond politely but never once initiated anything herself.

When I finally stopped reaching out as an experiment, I never heard from her again. The message was clear.

5. They bring up other people constantly

When someone can't stand being alone with you, they'll often use other people as buffers. They'll immediately suggest inviting others when you propose hanging out.

During conversations, they'll constantly redirect attention to absent third parties or try to pull random people into your discussion.

This behavior serves two purposes: it dilutes the interaction so they don't have to engage with you directly, and it provides them with potential escape routes.

If they're always trying to turn your one-on-one time into group activities, they might be trying to minimize their exposure to you.

6. Their phone becomes their best friend around you

We all check our phones occasionally, but when someone suddenly becomes glued to their screen the moment you show up, pay attention.

They'll scroll through social media, respond to "urgent" texts, or suddenly need to check the weather forecast for next Tuesday.

The phone becomes their shield, a socially acceptable way to avoid engaging with you while still being physically present.

They can claim they're listening while clearly signaling that literally anything on their phone is more interesting than your conversation.

7. They agree with everything you say

This one might seem counterintuitive, but excessive agreeableness can actually be a sign someone wants the interaction to end as quickly as possible.

They won't engage in friendly debate, share different perspectives, or add anything meaningful to the discussion.

"Totally." "Absolutely." "You're so right." These become their go-to responses because disagreeing or adding nuance would prolong the conversation.

They've learned that agreeing with everything is the fastest route to ending the interaction without seeming rude.

8. They remember nothing about your previous conversations

When someone genuinely likes you, they remember things about you. Maybe not every detail, but the important stuff sticks.

When someone can't stand you, your conversations go in one ear and out the other because they're not truly listening in the first place.

You'll find yourself repeating the same stories, re-explaining your job, or reminding them of major life events you've already discussed. They might be physically present during your conversations, but mentally, they've checked out completely.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these signs saved me from investing energy in relationships that were never going to flourish. After leaving my finance career, I lost most of my work "friends" and learned that many of those relationships were just proximity-based politeness.

Here's what I've learned: not everyone will like you, and that's perfectly okay. What matters is surrounding yourself with people who genuinely want to be in your life.

Once you start recognizing these subtle signs of dislike, you can redirect your energy toward relationships that are actually reciprocal.

The truth might sting initially when you realize someone you thought was a friend is just being polite. But knowing where you really stand with people is ultimately liberating. You can stop trying to win over people who've already made up their minds and focus on those who appreciate your company.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for both parties is to recognize when someone doesn't enjoy your presence and give them the space they're too polite to ask for directly.