8 things Boomer parents do that make it hard for their adult children to respect them

Growing up, I spent years trying to decode my parents' love language. They showed affection through questions about my 401k and lectures about job security. When I told them I was leaving my financial analyst position to become a writer, my mother's face fell like I'd announced I was joining the circus.

Even now, years later, she introduces me as "my daughter who worked in finance" with a wistful tone that suggests my writing career is just an extended sabbatical. That little verbal tic? It perfectly captures something many of us struggle with when it comes to our Boomer parents.

Look, I love my parents. But there are certain patterns I've noticed, not just in my family but in countless conversations with friends and readers, that create this invisible wall between generations. These behaviors make it genuinely difficult to maintain the respect we want to feel for the people who raised us.

If you're nodding along already, you're not alone. Let's talk about the eight things that tend to create the most friction.

1. Dismissing your career choices

Remember when following your passion became a thing? Well, many Boomer parents missed that memo. They grew up in an era where you picked a stable job and stuck with it for forty years, pension and gold watch included.

So when you tell them about your freelance work, your startup, or your decision to pursue something creative, they respond with barely concealed panic. "But what about benefits?" they ask, as if you haven't already calculated that into your life choices.

My mother still asks when I'm going "back to finance," like my writing career is a gap year that got out of hand. This constant dismissal of our professional choices feels like they're saying we're not capable of making adult decisions. Hard to maintain respect when someone treats your life's work like a hobby, right?

2. Refusing to acknowledge mental health struggles

"We didn't have anxiety in my day, we just got on with it."

Sound familiar? For a generation that largely believes therapy is for "crazy people" and depression is just "feeling sorry for yourself," trying to have honest conversations about mental health can feel like explaining quantum physics to a goldfish.

When I finally opened up to my parents about seeing a therapist, my dad suggested I try going for more walks instead. While exercise is great, this reflexive dismissal of mental health as a legitimate concern creates a chasm. How can we respect someone who won't acknowledge a fundamental part of human wellbeing?

3. Boundary stomping like it's an Olympic sport

"I'm your mother, I have a right to know!"

Actually, no. No, you don't. But try explaining the concept of healthy boundaries to someone who believes family means unlimited access to every aspect of your life. They show up unannounced, offer unsolicited advice about everything from your parenting to your haircut, and get offended when you ask for space.

A friend recently told me her mother read through her journal when she visited, then got angry about what she found. When confronted, her mother's defense was, "Well, you shouldn't leave it lying around if you don't want people reading it." In her own home. In her bedside drawer.

This inability to recognize where they end and you begin makes adult relationships nearly impossible.

4. Making everything about them

You call to share good news about a promotion. Somehow, the conversation pivots to how tired they are, how their friend's daughter got an even better job, or how they never had such opportunities.

You're going through a breakup? Well, let them tell you about how much harder dating was in their day. You're stressed about money? They had it worse with interest rates in the '80s.

This reflexive need to center themselves in every conversation leaves you feeling unheard and unimportant. It's exhausting to maintain respect for someone who can't simply listen and be present for your experiences.

5. Wielding guilt like a weapon

"I guess we'll just spend Christmas alone then."
"After everything we've done for you..."
"Your father's health isn't great, but don't worry about visiting."

The guilt trips are so frequent they should come with frequent flyer miles. Every decision you make that prioritizes your own family or wellbeing gets met with passive-aggressive comments designed to make you feel like an ungrateful child.

One reader told me her mother literally keeps a mental ledger of every sacrifice she ever made, pulling it out whenever her daughter sets a boundary. This emotional manipulation corrodes respect faster than acid on metal.

6. Refusing to evolve their worldview

The world has changed dramatically in the last few decades, but many Boomer parents are stuck in amber, clinging to outdated ideas about everything from gender roles to technology.

They make comments at family dinners that make you want to crawl under the table. They forward conspiracy theories on Facebook while dismissing actual news sources as "fake." They refuse to use your friend's correct pronouns because "it's too confusing."

This stubborn resistance to growth and learning makes it hard to have meaningful conversations. When someone won't even try to understand the world you live in, respect becomes a casualty.

7. Comparing you to everyone else's kids

"Sarah's daughter just bought a house."
"Tom's son is already married with two kids."
"Did you see that article about the twenty-five-year-old CEO?"

The constant comparisons never stop, each one a subtle (or not so subtle) dig at your life choices. They seem incapable of seeing your achievements without immediately measuring them against someone else's yardstick.

This competitive parenting by proxy shows they're more concerned with how you make them look than with who you actually are. It's hard to respect someone who treats you like a performance report rather than a person.

8. Never admitting they're wrong

Perhaps the most frustrating trait of all: the complete inability to apologize or acknowledge mistakes.

They rewrite history, deny saying things you clearly remember, and when confronted with evidence, pivot to "Well, I was doing my best."

My father once gave me terrible financial advice that cost me thousands. When I brought it up years later, he insisted he'd never said it. When I showed him the email, he shifted to explaining why it was actually good advice, I just executed it wrong.

This refusal to take accountability makes authentic relationships impossible. Respect requires seeing someone as a full person, flaws included. When someone can't admit their humanity, they become impossible to connect with genuinely.

Final thoughts

Writing this feels vulnerable because I know my parents might read it. But that's exactly the point. These patterns persist because we don't talk about them openly.

I've learned that my parents show love the only way they know how: through concern about financial security and unsolicited advice. Understanding this helps, even if it doesn't eliminate the frustration.

The path forward isn't about changing them. It's about deciding what boundaries we need to maintain our own sanity while still honoring the relationship. Sometimes that means shorter visits. Sometimes it means certain topics become off-limits. Sometimes it means accepting that the relationship you want isn't the one you're going to get.

Respect doesn't mean tolerating behavior that hurts you. It means being honest about what you can and can't accept, then acting accordingly. And maybe, just maybe, that honesty might crack open a door to something better.