Those who radiate genuine happiness in their later years have quietly mastered the art of letting go—and the behaviors they've abandoned might surprise you.
Ever notice how some people seem to get lighter as they age while others grow heavier with bitterness? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after running into an old colleague from my financial analyst days who looked absolutely radiant at 68, while another former coworker the same age seemed weighed down by invisible burdens.
What makes the difference? After years of observing people both in corporate settings and now through my writing, I've noticed that genuinely happy older people share something crucial: they've consciously let go of certain behaviors that trap the rest of us. And here's the kicker: these aren't mysterious secrets. They're everyday habits we can all choose to avoid.
1. Dwelling on past regrets
You know that mental loop where you replay that one conversation from 2015 where you said the wrong thing? Happy people have learned to shut that down.
I spent years beating myself up about staying too long in finance when my heart wasn't in it. But here's what I learned from a 75-year-old volunteer at the farmers market: "Every choice you made got you here. If here is good, then those choices were part of the journey."
She's right. When we constantly revisit our mistakes, we're essentially choosing to live in a reality that no longer exists. Happy people acknowledge their past, learn from it, then firmly close that chapter. They understand that regret is like running on a treadmill backwards: exhausting and getting you nowhere.
2. Comparing themselves to others
Social media has made this worse, but the comparison trap existed long before Instagram. Happy older people have figured out that someone else's success doesn't diminish their own.
When I left my analyst position to pursue writing, my salary dropped significantly. Former colleagues would share their bonuses, their new cars, their vacation homes. For a while, I questioned everything. Was I foolish to trade financial security for fulfillment?
Then I started my morning trail runs. Out there at 5:30 AM, watching the sunrise paint the mountains, I realized something: we're all running different races. The person sprinting past me might be training for a 5K while I'm building endurance for an ultra-marathon. Neither is better. They're just different.
3. Holding onto toxic relationships
This one's tough because we're taught that loyalty means sticking around no matter what. But genuinely happy people have learned that some relationships are meant to have expiration dates.
They don't keep friends who drain their energy just because they've known them since college. They don't maintain relationships with family members who consistently disrespect their boundaries just because "blood is thicker than water." They understand that protecting their peace is not selfish; it's necessary.
Quality over quantity becomes the mantra. Better to have three friends who genuinely support you than thirty who leave you feeling empty.
4. Trying to control everything
In finance, we had models for everything. Risk assessments, predictive analytics, contingency plans. The illusion was that with enough data, we could control outcomes. Life laughed at those models daily.
Happy people understand what psychologists call the "locus of control." They focus their energy on what they can actually influence: their reactions, their choices, their attitudes. Everything else? They've learned to let it flow.
Weather ruins your picnic? Traffic makes you late? Your adult child makes a choice you wouldn't? Happy people shrug and adapt. They've discovered that trying to control the uncontrollable is like trying to hold water in your fists: frustrating and futile.
5. Neglecting their physical health
"I'll start exercising when things calm down." Sound familiar? Happy older people stopped waiting for the perfect moment and just started moving.
My trail running began as stress relief, but it became so much more. Those early morning miles taught me that our bodies are meant to move, regardless of age. The 70-year-old woman who passes me on the steep inclines reminds me that vitality isn't about age; it's about consistency.
Happy people don't need to run marathons. They walk, swim, dance, garden. They understand that movement is medicine and that a body in motion tends to stay in motion. They've also learned that what you eat matters more at 60 than at 30, and they adjust accordingly without obsessing.
6. Living through their children
Watch closely and you'll notice that the happiest older people have rich lives independent of their children's achievements. They're proud of their kids, sure, but their identity isn't wrapped up in being "Sarah's mom" or "Tom's dad."
They have their own interests, goals, and friendships. When their kids call, they have stories to share beyond what they watched on TV. They understand that their children need to live their own lives, make their own mistakes, and find their own paths.
7. Avoiding new experiences
"I'm too old for that" is a phrase you'll rarely hear from genuinely happy older people. They're the ones taking pottery classes at 65, learning Spanish at 70, trying sushi for the first time at 75.
Every morning on the trails, I see the same group of women in their 60s testing new routes, challenging themselves with steeper inclines. They could stick to the flat, familiar path, but they choose exploration instead. New experiences keep the brain plastic and the spirit young.
8. Ignoring their emotional needs
Growing up in certain generations meant emotions were luxuries you couldn't afford. Happy people have unlearned this. They go to therapy, join support groups, journal, meditate. They understand that emotional health is just as important as physical health.
They cry when they need to cry, ask for help when they're struggling, and don't pretend everything's fine when it isn't. This emotional honesty creates deeper connections and lighter hearts.
9. Living in the future or the past
Happy people have mastered the art of presence. They're not constantly planning for retirement while missing today, nor are they stuck reminiscing about "the good old days."
During my runs, I've learned this lesson viscerally. If I'm thinking about tomorrow's meeting while navigating rocky terrain, I'll trip. If I'm replaying yesterday's conversation, I'll miss the eagle soaring overhead. The trail demands presence, and so does life.
10. Taking themselves too seriously
Here's what genuinely happy older people know: life is simultaneously deeply meaningful and utterly absurd. They can laugh at themselves, their mistakes, and the general chaos of existence.
They dance badly at weddings, tell corny jokes, wear whatever makes them happy. They've realized that dignity doesn't require stiffness and that a good belly laugh is worth more than a perfect reputation.
The path forward
Looking at this list, you might recognize yourself in some of these behaviors. I certainly do. The beautiful thing is that these aren't fixed personality traits; they're habits, and habits can be changed at any age.
Start small. Pick one behavior that resonates most and work on releasing it. Maybe you stop checking your ex-colleague's LinkedIn profile, or you finally set that boundary with your demanding sibling, or you sign up for that dance class you've been considering.
The genuinely happy people I know didn't transform overnight. They made conscious choices, day after day, to let go of what wasn't serving them. They understood that happiness isn't something that happens to you; it's something you cultivate through the behaviors you choose and, perhaps more importantly, the ones you choose to leave behind.
What will you choose to release today?
If You Were a Healing Herb, Which Would You Be?
Each herb holds a unique kind of magic — soothing, awakening, grounding, or clarifying.
This 9-question quiz reveals the healing plant that mirrors your energy right now and what it says about your natural rhythm.
✨ Instant results. Deeply insightful.
