If you really want to be happy in life, start saying no to these 8 things

You know that feeling when you're surrounded by everything you thought would make you happy, yet something still feels off?

I hit that wall at 36. There I was, in my office with a view of downtown, checking my investment portfolio between meetings, and feeling utterly empty. The six-figure salary, the respect from colleagues, the designer wardrobe I'd carefully curated to fit in with the finance crowd—none of it was filling the void I felt growing inside me.

That burnout led me to therapy, and eventually to walking away from it all at 37. Best decision I ever made, though it didn't feel like it at the time.

What I learned through that journey was simple but profound: happiness isn't about adding more to your life. Often, it's about subtracting the things that drain your joy.

If you're ready to feel genuinely happier, here are eight things you need to start saying no to.

1. Buying things to impress others

Dave Ramsey nailed it when he said, "We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like." 

Back in my finance days, I played this game constantly. The luxury handbag that cost more than most people's monthly rent. The car that screamed success but felt like driving a burden. I thought these things would make me feel accomplished, worthy, respected.

Here's what actually happened: each purchase gave me a brief high, followed by a longer hangover of emptiness. That expensive watch? It loses its shine faster than you'd think.

These days, I find more joy in a morning trail run than I ever found in a shopping spree. My garden brings me more satisfaction than any designer item ever did. When you stop buying things to impress others, you free up resources (and mental space) for what actually brings you joy.

2. Holding onto resentment

I used to be a champion grudge-holder. When colleagues took credit for my work or friends disappointed me, I'd replay those moments endlessly in my mind. It was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

Dale Carnegie captured this perfectly: "When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness." 

The Mayo Clinic confirms that forgiveness isn't just good for your soul—it brings less stress, fewer symptoms of depression, and even a stronger immune system. That's right, holding grudges can literally make you sick.

Letting go doesn't mean what happened was okay. It means choosing your peace over prolonged pain. When I finally forgave the colleague who sabotaged my promotion years ago, I felt lighter. She probably never gave it a second thought, while I'd been carrying that weight for years.

3. Comparing yourself to others

Social media makes this one particularly tough, doesn't it? You're feeling good about your morning, then you scroll through Instagram and suddenly your life feels inadequate compared to everyone else's highlight reel.

The ancient philosopher Lao Tzu said, "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." Smart guy, that Lao Tzu.

When I left finance, watching my former colleagues' LinkedIn updates about promotions and bonuses was torture. Until I realized something: their path wasn't my path anymore. Their definition of success wasn't mine.

Once I stopped measuring my new life by my old standards, everything shifted.

4. Avoiding discomfort at all costs

We live in a world that promises comfort at every turn. Feeling anxious? There's an app for that. Relationship getting tough? Ghost them. Work challenge? Find an easier job.

But psychologist Susan David puts it brilliantly: "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." 

Leaving my finance career was uncomfortable. Learning to live on a writer's income was uncomfortable. Having conversations with friends who thought I'd lost my mind was really uncomfortable. But avoiding these discomforts would have meant staying stuck in a life that was slowly killing my spirit.

Growth lives on the other side of comfort. Every time you choose the easy path to avoid temporary discomfort, you're also choosing to avoid the happiness that comes from pushing through and becoming who you're meant to be.

5. Living by other people's expectations

For years, I lived according to a script someone else wrote. Get the degree, climb the ladder, maximize earnings, retire early. It looked great on paper, but it wasn't my paper.

When I announced I was leaving finance to write, you should have seen the reactions. Some people looked at me like I'd announced plans to join the circus. The loss of certain friendships hurt, but it also revealed who was there for my title versus who was there for me.

Your parents might want you to be a doctor. Your partner might want you to be more ambitious. Society might want you to have kids, buy a house, or follow a certain timeline. But whose life are you living?

Happiness comes from alignment between who you are and how you live. When you stop trying to meet everyone else's expectations, you finally have the energy to meet your own.

6. Trying to control everything

My therapist once asked me, "How's that working out for you?" when I was spiraling about trying to control every outcome in my life. The answer? It wasn't.

Control is an illusion we cling to because uncertainty feels scary. And here's what I've learned: the tighter you grip, the more life slips through your fingers. The need to control everything doesn't protect you from disappointment—it guarantees you'll be constantly stressed.

Now when I feel that familiar urge to micromanage life, I ask myself: Can I actually control this? If yes, I take action. If no, I take a breath. Simple, but not always easy.

7. Perfectionism disguised as high standards

I used to wear perfectionism like a badge of honor. "I just have high standards," I'd say, while making myself miserable over details nobody else noticed or cared about.

Perfectionism isn't about excellence—it's about fear. Fear of judgment, fear of not being enough, fear of making mistakes. It kept me from submitting articles, starting projects, and sometimes even from starting my day because I was paralyzed by the possibility of not doing things perfectly.

Learning about "good enough" changed my life. Your 80% effort is probably better than most people's 100%. More importantly, done is better than perfect.

This article you're reading? It's not perfect, but it exists, and hopefully it's helping you. That's worth more than a perfect article that never gets written.

8. The belief that rest equals laziness

This one nearly broke me. In finance, we wore exhaustion like a medal. Seventy-hour (or more) weeks were standard. Vacation days were for the weak. Sleep was something you could catch up on when you retired.

Breaking this belief was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done. Even now, after years of practice, I sometimes feel guilty for taking an afternoon to garden or spending a morning trail running instead of writing.

But here's what I know: rest isn't the opposite of productivity—it's a prerequisite for it. Rest isn't laziness—it's maintenance. You wouldn't run your car without oil changes or your phone without charging it. Why do we think we can run ourselves without rest?

Final thoughts

Saying no to these eight things won't magically solve all your problems overnight. Trust me, I've been working on some of these for years and still catch myself slipping back into old patterns.

But each time you choose to say no to one of these happiness thieves, you're saying yes to something better. Yes to authenticity. Yes to peace. Yes to a life that actually feels like yours.

Start small. Pick one thing from this list that resonates most strongly and practice saying no to it this week. Notice how it feels. Notice what shifts.