8 phrases narcissistic friends use to make everything about themselves

Ever had a friend who somehow manages to turn every single conversation back to themselves? You know the type—you're trying to share something important, and before you know it, you're listening to their story instead.

I learned this lesson the hard way. After ending a fifteen-year friendship that had become completely one-sided and draining, I finally recognized the patterns I'd been missing for years. The constant redirection, the subtle dismissals, the way I always left our conversations feeling unheard.

If you're wondering whether you have a narcissistic friend in your life, pay attention to these phrases. They're like red flags wrapped in casual conversation, and once you start noticing them, you can't unsee the pattern.

1. "That reminds me of when I..."

This is the classic conversation hijacker. You're sharing something meaningful—maybe about a promotion you got or a challenge you're facing—and within seconds, they've launched into their own story.

The thing is, healthy friendships involve natural give-and-take in conversations. But with narcissistic friends, it's always take, take, take. They're not building on your story or relating to create connection; they're simply waiting for their turn to speak.

I remember telling a friend about a difficult decision to leave my six-figure financial analyst job to pursue writing. Her response? "That reminds me of when I thought about changing careers..." followed by a twenty-minute monologue about her life choices. My major life transition became background noise to her hypothetical career musings.

2. "You wouldn't understand what real problems look like"

This is emotional gatekeeping at its finest.

Your problems aren't just smaller—they're apparently not even real problems. Meanwhile, their challenges are always presented as exceptional, unprecedented, and far more deserving of sympathy.

3. "If I were you, I would have..."

Nothing says "I think I'm superior" quite like this phrase. They're not offering genuine advice or support—they're positioning themselves as the person who would've handled everything perfectly.

When I was struggling with my writing not immediately gaining traction, dealing with those uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy, a narcissistic friend couldn't resist telling me all the ways she would have approached it differently. Not helpful suggestions, mind you, but a detailed breakdown of her hypothetical superiority.

4. "At least you don't have to deal with..."

The one-upmanship game is exhausting, isn't it? You mention a tough day at work, and suddenly you're hearing about their workplace drama that's apparently ten times worse.

As Dr. Natalie Feinblatt notes, "Narcissists often exhibit distinctive patterns of behavior that revolve around an excessive focus on themselves and a lack of empathy for others". This lack of empathy means they can't simply acknowledge your experience—they have to overshadow it.

5. "Speaking of _______, did I tell you about..."

Watch how quickly they pivot from your good news to their own achievements. It's like they have an internal alarm that goes off whenever attention isn't on them.

You could be sharing the most exciting news of your life, and within seconds, they've managed to make it a launching pad for their own success stories—real, exaggerated, or completely fabricated.

6. "You're so lucky"

This backhanded acknowledgment of your happiness is immediately followed by a redirect to their struggles. They can't let you have even a moment of uncomplicated joy.

When I met my husband at that dinner party and shared my happiness with friends, one particular friend couldn't just be happy for me. It was "You're so lucky, but dating is so hard for me because..." followed by an endless list of why her dating life was more challenging.

7. "I totally know how you feel because..."

False empathy alert! This phrase sounds supportive on the surface, but it's actually just another excuse to talk about themselves.

Real empathy involves listening, asking questions, and sitting with someone in their feelings. Narcissistic friends skip all that and jump straight to their own experiences, missing the entire point of what empathy actually means.

8. "That's nothing compared to..."

The minimization is so blatant with this one. Your experiences aren't just less important—they're "nothing" compared to theirs.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your problems don't matter? That's exactly what they want. By constantly positioning their experiences as more significant, they train you to stop sharing altogether.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these phrases isn't about collecting ammunition against your friends or becoming paranoid about every conversation. It's about understanding patterns that drain your energy and recognizing when a friendship has become a one-person show.

Real friendships involve mutual support, genuine interest in each other's lives, and space for both people to shine. If you're constantly playing audience to someone else's performance, it might be time to reconsider that relationship.

Trust me, ending that fifteen-year friendship was one of the hardest things I've done, but the peace and energy I've reclaimed? Absolutely worth it. You deserve friends who see you, hear you, and celebrate you—not just use you as a mirror to admire themselves.