The fastest way to make someone feel disrespected in 2026 (without meaning to)

Ever had someone's face completely change mid-conversation? You know that moment when their smile falters, their eyes drift away, and you can practically feel the energy shift?

I've been there more times than I care to admit. Just last week, I was catching up with a neighbor when I saw that familiar look cross her face. Later, I realized I'd been glancing at my phone every few minutes while she talked about something important to her.

Technology has changed how we connect, and honestly? We're all struggling to keep up with the new rules of respect. What felt perfectly normal in 2020 can now come across as dismissive or even rude. And the scariest part is that most of us don't even realize we're doing it.

After years of analyzing human behavior (those analytical skills from my finance days come in handy), I've noticed some patterns that instantly make people feel dismissed or undervalued. These aren't obvious slights like interrupting or name-calling. They're subtle habits we've picked up without realizing their impact.

1) The multi-screen shuffle

Picture this: You're having coffee with someone, and while they're talking, you quickly check your smartwatch notification, glance at your phone screen lighting up on the table, then look back at them. Total time distracted? Maybe three seconds. But in 2026, those three seconds speak volumes.

We've become so used to splitting our attention that we don't realize how it lands. When I transitioned from finance to writing, I lost most of my former colleagues as friends. At first, I blamed the career change. Then I realized something uncomfortable: many of those relationships had been built on shared screen time rather than genuine connection. We'd "hang out" while simultaneously checking emails, scrolling social media, and half-listening to each other.

Now when someone's talking to me, I flip my phone face down or put it in my bag. Such a simple change, but people notice. They lean in more. They share more. They feel heard.

The thing is, we all think we're better at multitasking than we actually are. We believe we can track multiple conversations and screens simultaneously. But the person in front of you? They see every micro-glance at your device. They notice when your responses become generic because you're not fully present.

2) The instant response expectation

Here's something that would have sounded crazy five years ago: people now feel disrespected when you respond to their messages too quickly OR too slowly.

Reply within seconds? You must not have anything important going on, or worse, you seem desperate. Take a few hours? You're ignoring them or don't value the relationship.

I noticed this with a friend recently. She sent me a voice note while I was on a trail run (one of the few times I'm genuinely offline). When I responded three hours later, she made a passive-aggressive comment about my "busy schedule." But when I've responded to her immediately in the past, she's joked about me having no life.

Can we win? Actually, yes. The secret is consistency and communication. If you typically respond within a certain timeframe, stick to it. If you're going to be unavailable, a quick "heading out for a few hours" message works wonders. People feel disrespected by unpredictability more than any specific response time.

3) The assumption spiral

You know what really makes people feel small? When we assume we know their whole story based on a few data points.

"Oh, you're vegan? You must love quinoa bowls!"
"You work in tech? Let me guess, you're into crypto."
"You have kids? Your life must be so chaotic right now!"

I've been guilty of this myself. When I meet fellow vegans, I used to immediately launch into restaurant recommendations or assume we'd bond over the same documentaries. But making assumptions, even well-meaning ones, tells people you've already decided who they are. You've put them in a box before getting to know them.

The respectful approach? Stay curious. Ask questions instead of making statements. "What led you to that decision?" beats "You must be doing it for health reasons" every single time.

4) The solutions express

This one hit me hard during my career transition. Back in finance, everything was about solving problems efficiently. Find the issue, fix it, move on. But in human relationships? That approach can feel incredibly dismissive.

Someone shares that they're struggling with work stress, and we immediately jump to "Have you tried meditation?" or "You should set better boundaries." We mean well, but what we're actually communicating is: stop talking about the problem and just fix it already.

Learning to be the friend who listens instead of the friend who problem-solves everything changed my relationships completely. Sometimes people need to be heard more than they need solutions. They need validation that yes, this situation is hard, and yes, their feelings make sense.

Now when someone shares a challenge, I ask: "Do you want to brainstorm solutions, or do you just need to vent?" That simple question shows respect for their emotional needs and their autonomy.

5) The comparison game

"Oh, you think that's bad? Let me tell you what happened to me..."

We've all done it. Someone shares an experience, and we immediately relate it back to ourselves. We think we're connecting, showing empathy, but often we're just hijacking their moment.

A colleague once told me about losing her dog, and I immediately launched into my own pet loss story from years ago. I thought I was relating, but later she mentioned feeling like her grief had been minimized. My intention was connection, but the impact was dismissal.

These days, I try to stay with their story first. Ask questions about their experience. Let them have their moment. If sharing a similar experience feels genuinely helpful later, I'll ask: "Would it help to hear how I dealt with something similar, or would you prefer to just talk through your situation?"

6) The expertise override

In 2026, everyone's an expert on something thanks to that documentary they watched or that podcast they binged. But constantly correcting or educating others? That's a fast track to making them feel disrespected.

"Actually, that's not quite accurate..."
"Well, technically speaking..."
"I read an article that said..."

I learned that being right matters less than being kind, though this didn't come naturally to someone who spent years analyzing data and proving points with spreadsheets. But relationships aren't spreadsheets. Being technically correct while making someone feel stupid isn't a win.

Now, unless someone's about to make a genuinely harmful decision based on misinformation, I let things slide. If someone says they're avoiding gluten because they think it's universally bad, I don't need to launch into a science lecture. Their choice doesn't affect me, and my unsolicited education definitely affects them.

Final thoughts

Respect in 2026 isn't about grand gestures or perfect etiquette. It's about presence, genuine curiosity, and remembering that every interaction is a chance to make someone feel valued or dismissed. 

The tricky part? Most disrespect isn't intentional. We're all navigating a world where the rules keep changing, where technology reshapes social norms faster than we can adapt. But awareness is the first step. Once you notice these patterns in yourself (and trust me, we all have at least one), you can start shifting them.

Start small. Pick one behavior from this list that resonates with you. Maybe it's putting your phone away during conversations or pausing before offering solutions. Work on that one thing for a week and notice how people respond differently.

Remember, showing respect isn't about being perfect. It's about being intentional with your attention and generous with your presence. In a world full of distractions and quick interactions, that's become the ultimate way to show someone they matter.