Psychology says boomers who feel judged by younger generations often react with these 8 defense behaviors

Ever notice how defensive conversations can get when different generations try to discuss, well, pretty much anything?

Last week at the farmers' market, I overheard a heated exchange between a boomer vendor and a younger customer about payment apps.

What started as a simple question about Venmo spiraled into a full-blown generational standoff.

The vendor launched into a speech about "kids these days" not understanding the value of hard work, while the customer rolled their eyes so hard I worried they might strain something.

As someone who straddles the generational divide (and has spent years studying human behavior), I've noticed this pattern everywhere. When boomers feel judged or criticized by younger folks, certain predictable defense mechanisms kick in.

And honestly? Understanding these behaviors might be the key to having better conversations across the age gap.

Psychology research shows us that feeling judged triggers our deepest insecurities.

For boomers who've built entire identities around certain values and achievements, perceived criticism from younger generations can feel like an existential threat.

The result? These eight defense behaviors that create walls instead of bridges.

1. Dismissing concerns as "being too sensitive"

When younger people bring up issues like work-life balance or mental health struggles, how often do you hear responses like "We didn't need therapy, we just got on with it" or "Your generation is just too soft"?

This dismissal serves as armor. By labeling younger generations as overly sensitive, boomers protect themselves from examining whether their own coping mechanisms might have been unhealthy.

I saw this firsthand when I tried talking to my parents about therapy. Their immediate reaction was to tell me I was overthinking things, that their generation simply "handled things."

It took years before we could have an honest conversation about mental health without them feeling like I was attacking their entire approach to life.

The truth is, acknowledging that younger generations might have valid points about emotional wellness can feel threatening to those who pride themselves on toughness and resilience.

2. Weaponizing past hardships

"When I was your age, I had to walk uphill both ways to school!"

Okay, maybe not exactly that, but you know the type of story. Whether it's about working three jobs, buying a house at 25, or surviving without internet, these hardship stories often emerge when boomers feel their life experiences are being minimized.

Psychology tells us this is called "competitive victimhood." By emphasizing how much harder they had it, boomers create a hierarchy where their struggles trump any challenges younger people face. It's a defensive move that says, "You can't judge me because you haven't walked in my shoes."

The irony? Both generations have faced unique challenges. Comparing them is like comparing apples to student loan debt.

3. Resorting to credentialism

Have you ever shared an opinion only to hear, "Well, I've been doing this for 40 years, so..."?

Experience absolutely matters, but when it becomes a shield against any new ideas or perspectives, it's a defense mechanism. This behavior intensifies when boomers feel their expertise or relevance is being questioned.

My mother still introduces me as "my daughter who worked in finance" rather than "my daughter the writer." Why? Because in her mind, the traditional career path carries more weight, more credibility.

When I first left finance to write, she couldn't understand it. Her defense was to constantly remind me of all the successful people she knew who stayed in traditional careers their whole lives.

4. Idealizing "the good old days"

"Things were simpler back then." "People had more respect." "We knew the value of hard work."

Nostalgia becomes a fortress when you feel attacked by the present. By painting the past as inherently superior, boomers create a reality where modern criticisms simply don't apply.

After all, if everything was better before, then clearly the problem lies with the newer generations, not with them.

Research in psychology calls this "rosy retrospection bias." We tend to remember the past more positively than it actually was, especially when we're feeling threatened in the present.

5. Deflecting with whataboutism

Bring up climate change, and suddenly the conversation shifts to "What about your iPhone? What about all those disposable coffee cups?"

This deflection technique redirects criticism away from systemic issues and onto individual behaviors. It's particularly effective because it puts the younger person on the defensive, forcing them to justify their own choices rather than discussing the original concern.

Psychologically, this is about maintaining a sense of moral high ground. If everyone's a hypocrite, then no one can claim superiority.

6. Over-emphasizing financial success

When feeling judged about social or environmental values, many boomers pivot to financial achievements. "At least I own my house." "I've saved for retirement." "I never needed handouts."

While financial security is important, using it as the ultimate measure of success is a defense against other value systems. It's saying, "Judge me by my standards, not yours."

Having witnessed the 2008 financial crisis firsthand during my finance days, I understand why this generation clings to financial metrics. They watched their parents struggle through recessions and vowed to do better.

But when financial success becomes a shield against all other criticisms, it stops being an achievement and starts being armor.

7. Playing the "respect your elders" card

This one's powerful because it appeals to a universal value while simultaneously shutting down discourse. "Respect" becomes code for "don't challenge me."

True respect, though, involves honest dialogue. When I finally confronted my parents' disappointment about my career change, I had to push past this barrier. They felt my questioning their values was disrespectful. I felt their dismissal of my choices was equally disrespectful.

We were stuck until we realized respect meant listening to each other, not automatic agreement.

8. Minimizing generational advantages

"We worked hard for everything we have" often comes with an unspoken "unlike you." This defense mechanism involves downplaying any systemic advantages while overemphasizing personal effort.

When helping my aging parents downsize, I discovered old documents showing housing prices, college costs, and salary ratios from their era. The numbers were staggering. But pointing this out felt like minimizing their genuine hard work. They needed to believe their success was entirely earned, not partially circumstantial.

This isn't about diminishing anyone's efforts. It's about recognizing that different generations faced different playing fields.

Final thoughts

Here's what I've learned from years of navigating these generational minefields: these defense behaviors aren't really about younger versus older. They're about fear. Fear of being irrelevant. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear that a lifetime of choices might be judged as wrong.

Understanding these patterns doesn't mean excusing them, but it does mean we can approach these conversations with more empathy. Next time you encounter these behaviors, try seeing them for what they are: not attacks, but shields.

And maybe, just maybe, if we all lower our defenses a bit, we might actually hear what the other generation is trying to say. Because at the end of the day, we're all just trying to be understood, respected, and valued for who we are and what we've contributed.

The vendor at the farmers' market? He eventually admitted he was scared of being left behind by technology. The young customer offered to help him set up digital payments. Sometimes, all it takes is recognizing the human behind the defense.