People who grew up working-class often struggle with these 8 “rich room” insecurities

Ever walked into a fancy restaurant and felt your stomach drop when you couldn't find prices on the menu?

I remember my first corporate dinner at an upscale steakhouse. Everyone was casually ordering appetizers and expensive wine, while I was mentally calculating whether my credit card could handle the hit. When someone suggested we "just split the check evenly," I smiled and agreed, even though I'd only ordered a salad and water.

That night taught me something profound about class anxiety. Growing up working-class shapes us in ways we don't always recognize until we're sitting in those "rich rooms" feeling like we don't belong.

After years in finance and now as a writer, I've noticed these insecurities show up in predictable patterns. They're the invisible barriers that keep us from fully embracing opportunities, relationships, and experiences we've worked hard to access.

If you grew up counting every penny, watching your parents stress about bills, or feeling different from the kids with brand-name clothes, you probably carry some of these insecurities too. Let's talk about them honestly, because recognizing them is the first step to moving past them.

1. The menu panic

You know that moment when someone suggests a restaurant and you immediately Google the menu to check prices? Or when you're invited somewhere and the first thought isn't "Do I want to go?" but "Can I afford it?"

This goes deeper than budgeting. Even when we can afford things now, that old programming kicks in. We order the cheapest wine, skip dessert even when we want it, or feel guilty about normal expenses that our peers don't think twice about.

I spent years ordering whatever was on special, not because I needed to anymore, but because spending money on myself felt wrong somehow. Like I was betraying my roots or tempting fate. The truth is, enjoying what you've earned doesn't make you a sellout. It makes you someone who worked hard to have choices.

2. Gift-giving anxiety

Remember when a friend's birthday meant making them a card or baking cookies because that's what you could afford? Now when colleagues exchange gifts or you're invited to yet another wedding, there's this pressure to match what everyone else is giving.

But here's what happens: You either overspend to fit in, leaving you stressed about money, or you give what feels comfortable and worry people will judge you for being cheap. Neither option feels right.

The reality? Most people don't remember what gift you gave them. They remember that you showed up. Stop trying to compete in a game where the rules were written by people who never had to check their bank balance before buying a birthday present.

3. The knowledge performance

In meetings or social gatherings, do you find yourself staying quiet about topics like investing, travel, or wine because you're afraid of revealing what you don't know?

Growing up, these weren't dinner table conversations. While other kids learned about stock portfolios from their parents, you might have learned about stretching a paycheck or fixing things instead of replacing them. Now you're in rooms where everyone seems fluent in a language you're still learning.

I used to nod along when people discussed their investment strategies, terrified someone would ask my opinion. The weight of that pretending was exhausting.

Eventually, I started saying "I'm not familiar with that, tell me more." Turns out, people love explaining things they know about. And genuine curiosity beats fake knowledge every time.

4. Space guilt

"This apartment is too nice for me."
"I don't need this much room."
"People will think I'm showing off."

Sound familiar? When you grow up in cramped spaces, making do with less, having "too much" space can trigger surprising guilt. You might find yourself apologizing for your home, downplaying it, or feeling like you need to justify why you deserve it.

A friend once asked why I kept calling my place "nothing special" when it was lovely. I realized I was protecting myself from judgment I was imagining. The truth is, enjoying comfortable space isn't excessive. It's okay to have a guest room, a home office, or simply rooms that aren't serving multiple purposes.

5. The helping paralysis

When you've climbed up from working-class roots, watching others struggle hits differently. You want to help family and friends who are where you used to be, but you also fear being seen as the "rich one" who's expected to pay for everything.

This creates a painful dance. You pick up checks but resent it. You want to be generous but fear being taken advantage of. You remember what it was like to need help, but you also worked hard for what you have.

Setting boundaries around financial help isn't selfish. You can be generous within limits that don't compromise your security. The airplane oxygen mask rule applies here too.

6. Success shame

Do you ever downplay your achievements around certain people? Maybe you avoid mentioning your promotion to friends who are struggling, or you feel guilty about your stability when family members are still paycheck to paycheck?

This shame can make you dim your light, apologize for your success, or even sabotage opportunities because thriving feels like betrayal. But consider this: Your success doesn't take anything away from anyone else. In fact, you're proving what's possible.

7. The authenticity question

"Am I becoming someone I wouldn't recognize?"
"Have I forgotten where I came from?"
"Am I still me?"

These questions can haunt you as your life changes. You might feel caught between two worlds, not quite fitting in either. Too "fancy" for where you came from, not polished enough for where you are.

After graduating from state university with crushing debt that took until I was 35 to pay off, I built an identity around being financially successful. But I realized I was performing friendships rather than experiencing them, always curating myself to fit whatever room I was in.

Authenticity isn't about staying the same. It's about growing while honoring all parts of your story.

8. Vacation complexity

While others plan trips without blinking, you might struggle with the idea of spending money on "just" relaxation. Vacations feel indulgent, even wasteful, when that money could go toward something "practical."

Or maybe you take vacations but can't fully enjoy them. You're calculating costs, feeling guilty about not working, or thinking about how many overtime hours this trip represents.

Rest isn't luxury. It's maintenance. You're not betraying your working-class roots by taking a break. You're honoring the hard work that got you here.

Final thoughts

These insecurities aren't character flaws. They're the lingering effects of real experiences that shaped how you see the world. That hypervigilance about money? It probably kept your family afloat. The discomfort with excess? It taught you to value what matters.

But you're allowed to update your programming. You can keep the lessons that serve you and release the fears that don't. You can be grateful for where you came from while fully embracing where you are.

The next time you're in one of those "rich rooms," remember that you earned your seat at that table. Not in spite of where you came from, but because of it. Your perspective, shaped by real struggle and genuine work, is valuable.

You don't have to perform belonging. You already belong.