I interviewed 50 CEOs and academics—they all naturally used these 7 sophisticated phrases

A while ago, I went on a bit of a personal quest.

I wanted to understand how genuinely effective people think and talk in real time.

Not just what they post on LinkedIn, but what comes out of their mouths in messy meetings, when they are tired, under pressure, or caught off guard.

I started asking for conversations with people who live in those high stakes spaces every day: CEOs and academics.

In total, I interviewed 50 of them, often on video calls squeezed in between their flights, board meetings, and lectures.

Here is what struck me: They did not sound like the motivational posters we see online.

They were not constantly dropping buzzwords or dramatic one liners.

Instead, they kept reaching for a small set of simple, sophisticated phrases that did a lot of quiet work for them.

These phrases helped them think clearly, stay grounded, and bring out the best in other people:

1) “Help me understand…”

The first time I heard this in my interviews, it came from a CEO who was being challenged by one of her senior managers.

The manager was clearly frustrated.

Instead of getting defensive, she leaned in and said, “Help me understand how you are seeing this.”

Everything in the room softened.

“Help me understand” does three powerful things at once:

• It signals curiosity, not judgment
• It slows down the conversation so people can think, not just react
• It lowers the other person’s guard so they feel safe to be honest

Compare that with the more common “Why would you do that?” which sounds like an accusation.

You can use this phrase in so many situations:

• With your partner: “Help me understand what felt hurtful about what I said.”
• At work: “Help me understand your priorities for this quarter.”
• With yourself: “Help me understand why I keep saying yes to things I don’t want to do.”

It is a subtle shift, but the mindset behind it is different.

You move from blame to exploration.

2) “What am I missing?”

One academic leader said it so often his team joked that it might be his tattoo, but there is real wisdom in it.

“What am I missing?” is a humility shortcut.

It assumes there is something you do not see yet and invites others to fill in the gaps.

Psychologically, it does two things: It reduces your ego’s need to be right, and it gives other people permission to bring you information you might not like.

I used to work as a financial analyst, and my job involved forecasting things that never fully behaved the way spreadsheets promised.

The best forecasts came when I asked, “What am I missing? Where could this go wrong? What assumptions might be shaky?”

It is a small sentence, but it keeps you flexible and grounded.

That is a very sophisticated way to move through the world.

3) “Walk me through your thinking.”

If you have ever frozen up when someone said “Explain yourself,” you already know why this phrase matters.

“Walk me through your thinking” has a completely different tone.

It is invitational, not interrogational.

When I heard CEOs and professors say this, they were trying to see how a person’s mind was working so they could support, refine, or redirect it.

Here is why it works:

• It turns a result into a learning moment
• It shows you value the process, not just the outcome
• It helps you detect misunderstandings early, while they are still fixable.

You can use it at work when someone proposes an idea that feels off.

Instead of bluntly saying, “That makes no sense,” you ask, “Can you walk me through your thinking on this?”

Often, you will discover one or two small assumptions that need adjusting rather than a total rewrite.

You can even use it gently with yourself: “Let me walk myself through my thinking here. Why am I hesitating? What am I afraid might happen?”

When you unpack your own logic like this, you become your own coach instead of your own critic.

4) “Let’s separate signal from noise.”

This phrase came up a lot when I asked CEOs how they handle overwhelm.

One of them told me, “Most days aren’t about finding more information, they are about stripping away information.”

“Signal” is what really matters.

“Noise” is everything that is loud, distracting, or emotionally charged, but not actually important.

When they said, “Let’s separate signal from noise,” they were doing a mental declutter in real time.

You can borrow this idea when:

• Your inbox feels like a tidal wave.
• Your brain is spinning with other people’s opinions.
• You are doom scrolling and feel your energy dropping.

Ask yourself:

• What is signal here?
• What is noise?
• What will still matter in three months?

Then, name it out loud if you are with others.

For example: “I hear a lot of emotions and possibilities in this meeting, which is valid. But let’s separate signal from noise. What are the top two decisions we actually need to make today?”

Suddenly, things feel lighter, more focused, and a lot less overwhelming.

5) “What would success look like here?”

Academics used this one as much as CEOs.

Whenever a project, meeting, or conversation started to drift, someone would bring it back with one simple question: “What would success look like here?”

Sounds basic, right? But most of us try to solve problems without ever defining what “good” or “done” actually mean.

This question:

• Forces clarity.
• Reduces wasted effort.
• Aligns people who might have very different expectations.

You can use it at the start of almost anything:

• Before a tough talk: “What would success look like for this conversation with my boss?”
• Before a date: “What would success look like tonight? Maybe just feeling relaxed and present.”
• Before a habit change: “What would success look like with my sleep over the next month?”

Notice that success can be small and realistic; the point is to aim with intention rather than winging it.

6) “Let’s pressure test this...”

This phrase sounds fancy, but the energy behind it is simple.

It means: “Let’s see how this idea holds up under real world stress.”

The leaders I spoke with wanted ideas that could survive reality.

They would say:

• Let’s pressure test this with a worst case scenario.
• Let’s pressure test this against our budget.
• Let’s pressure test this with a skeptical customer.

This is very different from shooting an idea down.

Pressure testing is about strengthening, not attacking.

You can use this with your own plans:

• Thinking of changing careers? “Let’s pressure test this by talking to three people already in that field.”
• Considering a move? “Let’s pressure test this by living on the new city’s cost of living for three months before we go.”
• Want to start a new habit? “Let’s pressure test this by asking what I will do on my most tired, busy days.”

When you use this phrase, you send a message to yourself and others: I care about reality, not just optimism.

7) “I am comfortable saying I do not know.”

This might be the most sophisticated phrase of all.

Almost every person I talked to had some version of it.

One professor said, “I do not know, but I can tell you how I would go about finding out.”

A CEO said, “I do not know yet, and I am comfortable with that for the next two weeks while we gather more data.”

This level of calm honesty is rare, because most of us were trained to treat “I do not know” as a personal failure.

But here is what I noticed:

• The more secure the person was in their expertise, the easier it was for them to say it.
• Their teams trusted them more, not less, because they were not pretending.
• It created space for shared problem solving instead of fake certainty.

You can practice this in low stakes situations:

• “I do not know enough about that topic to have a strong opinion.”
• “I do not know, but I would love to learn.”
• “I do not know yet, can I get back to you after I do some digging?”

Every time you say it, you loosen the grip of perfectionism and open the door to real growth.

Bringing it all together

None of these phrases are magic spells.

They will not suddenly make you sound like a CEO or an academic; they will, however, gently shift how you relate to yourself and others.

If you look closely, you will see a pattern running through all seven:

• Curiosity over judgment.
• Clarity over chaos.
• Humility over ego.
• Reality over performance.

You can start small: Pick one phrase that resonated with you and try it this week.

Maybe you ask, “Help me understand” instead of jumping to conclusions, or you say, “What am I missing?” before you hit send on that email.

Notice how people respond, and notice how you feel.

You just need a handful of better questions and the courage to use them in real conversations, including the ones you have with yourself.