Psychology says these 6 phrases that make you instantly likable to anyone you meet

I've noticed something interesting at the farmers' market where I volunteer every Saturday. Some people breeze through conversations, leaving everyone they talk to smiling and engaged. Others struggle to connect, even when they're genuinely trying.

The difference isn't charm or charisma. It's usually just a few simple phrases that signal warmth, curiosity, and genuine interest.

After years of networking in finance where I built relationships out of obligation rather than connection, I had to completely relearn how to talk to people. When I left that world, I lost most of those so-called friendships and realized I'd been performing conversations rather than having them.

What I discovered is that likability isn't about being the most interesting person in the room. It's about making others feel heard, valued, and comfortable. And that starts with the words we choose.

Here are six phrases that psychology tells us create instant connection.

1) "I'd love to hear your thoughts on this"

This phrase does something powerful. It positions the other person as someone whose opinion matters.

Think about the last time someone genuinely asked for your perspective. Not in a "I'm asking to be polite" way, but truly wanted to know what you thought. It felt good, didn't it?

When you invite someone's thoughts, you're telling them their perspective has value. You're creating space for them to contribute rather than just receive information.

I use this all the time when I'm chatting with vendors at the market. Instead of just nodding along when they talk about their growing practices, I'll ask what they think about a particular technique or challenge. The conversation shifts immediately.

People light up when they realize you actually want to hear what they have to say, not just wait for your turn to talk.

2) "That must have been really [challenging/exciting/meaningful]"

Here's what I learned in couples therapy that changed everything: validation is not the same as agreement.

You can acknowledge someone's experience without having to share it or even understand it fully. And when you do, you create an instant bond.

This phrase shows emotional attunement.

You're not just hearing words, you're recognizing the feeling behind them. When someone tells you about a difficult situation and you respond with "That must have been really hard," you're giving them permission to feel what they're feeling.

I spent years in finance thinking emotions had no place in professional conversations. I'd respond to people's stories with solutions instead of empathy. It took me a long time to realize that most people aren't looking for fixes. They're looking to be seen.

Now when my partner Marcus tells me about his day, I pause before jumping into problem-solving mode. Sometimes "That sounds frustrating" is exactly what's needed.

3) "Tell me more about that"

Four simple words that work like magic.

Most conversations are just people waiting for their turn to speak. We're mentally preparing our response while the other person is still talking. But when you genuinely want someone to expand on what they're saying, everything changes.

This phrase signals curiosity. It shows you're not just being polite, you're actually interested. And curiosity is one of the most attractive qualities in human interaction.

I remember when I first joined my trail running group five years ago. I was nervous about making friends outside of work. But the people I connected with most deeply were the ones who asked follow-up questions about my career change, my running journey, my life.

They didn't just nod and move on to their own stories. They leaned in.

When you ask someone to tell you more, you're inviting them to go deeper. You're creating the kind of conversation people remember and want to have again.

4) "I really appreciate you"

Gratitude is powerful, but specific gratitude is transformative.

This phrase goes beyond "thanks" because it focuses on the person, not just the action. You're not appreciating what they did, you're appreciating who they are.

There's a difference between "Thanks for your help" and "I really appreciate you taking the time to help me with this." One acknowledges the task. The other acknowledges the person behind it.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I was mentoring young women entering finance. I'd thank them for their time or their participation, but I wasn't acknowledging them as people. When I started saying "I really appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable" or "I appreciate you showing up even when this is uncomfortable," the relationships deepened immediately.

People want to feel seen as more than just what they do for you. They want to feel valued for who they are.

5) "You know what, you're right" or "I hadn't thought of it that way"

Nothing kills likability faster than someone who can never admit they're wrong.

I spent years thinking that being right was the most important thing. In finance, being wrong cost money. But in relationships, being right all the time costs connection.

When you can gracefully acknowledge someone else's point, even when it contradicts your own, you show intellectual humility. You demonstrate that you're more interested in truth than ego.

This was one of the hardest things for me to learn. My analytical mind wanted to debate every point, find the flaw in every argument. But I discovered that most conversations aren't courtrooms. They're exchanges.

Now when I'm writing and someone points out a perspective I hadn't considered, I don't get defensive. I recognize the gift they're giving me. A new way of seeing.

People respect others who can be wrong without being weakened by it. It signals confidence, not insecurity.

6) "How can I support you with this?"

This might be the most powerful phrase on this list.

Instead of assuming what someone needs, you're asking. You're offering help without imposing your version of what help should look like.

I learned this distinction through years of being the friend who always had solutions. Someone would share a problem and I'd immediately start fixing it. I thought I was being helpful. Really, I was being controlling.

When I finally asked "How can I support you with this?" instead of launching into advice mode, something shifted. Sometimes people wanted practical help. Sometimes they just wanted to vent. Sometimes they wanted me to sit with them in the uncertainty.

The question gives them agency. It respects their autonomy while showing you're willing to show up however they need.

I use this phrase constantly now, in my relationship, with friends, even at work. The responses always surprise me because people rarely want what I would have assumed they needed.

Final thoughts

Here's the thing about likability: it's not about being clever or charming or saying the perfect thing.

It's about making people feel good when they're around you. And that happens when you're genuinely curious, emotionally present, and willing to put connection before being right.

These six phrases work because they shift the focus from you to the other person. They create space for authentic interaction instead of performance.

I spent so many years networking for career purposes, maintaining a large circle of superficial relationships. Those connections disappeared the moment I left that world. The friendships that lasted were the ones built on real conversation, mutual respect, and genuine interest.

You don't need to use all these phrases in every conversation. But incorporating even one or two can change the quality of your interactions dramatically.

Try it. Pick one phrase and use it intentionally this week. Notice what happens when you invite someone's thoughts, validate their feelings, or offer support on their terms.

Connection isn't complicated. It just requires us to slow down enough to actually see the person in front of us.