If a person can't do these 6 basic adult tasks by 30, they were coddled as a child

I'll be honest. I was coddled in some ways and left to figure things out on my own in others.

My parents emphasized education above everything else. I was the "gifted" child who excelled at school, but when it came to practical life skills?

That was a different story. I got to college and didn't know how to do my own laundry. I had to call my mom to ask how to cook rice.

But here's what I've noticed in my years working with people, both in finance and now as a writer: there are certain basic tasks that adults should be able to handle by 30. Not perfectly, but competently. And when someone genuinely can't do these things, it's usually because their parents did everything for them.

Let me be clear. This isn't about judgment. I had to learn some of these skills embarrassingly late myself. But recognizing the pattern is the first step to breaking it.

1) Managing their own finances and creating a basic budget

By 30, you should be able to track your income and expenses without calling your parents for help.

I spent almost 20 years as a financial analyst, so you'd think I had this nailed from the start. But even I had to learn the emotional side of money management, which is completely different from understanding market trends.

The people I've met who genuinely can't budget by 30 usually had parents who handled everything financial for them. They never learned to say no to themselves. They never experienced the consequence of overspending because mom or dad always covered the shortfall.

When I left my six-figure finance job at 37 to write full-time, I had to learn to budget on an irregular income. It was scary, but I could do it because I'd developed those skills in my twenties. I'd struggled with student loan debt that took until age 35 to pay off, and that struggle taught me something invaluable.

Financial literacy isn't just about understanding numbers. It's about delayed gratification, making trade-offs, and accepting that you can't have everything you want right now.

If someone's still calling their parents to bail them out of financial messes at 30, the issue isn't math. It's that they were never allowed to experience the full weight of their financial decisions.

2) Cooking basic, nutritious meals for themselves

You don't need to be a chef, but you should be able to feed yourself without relying on takeout or someone else's cooking.

I transitioned to veganism at 35, which meant learning to cook in a completely new way. Now I cook elaborate meals as both a creative outlet and a meditation practice. But I didn't start there.

The people who reach 30 without knowing how to cook usually had parents who treated the kitchen like their exclusive domain. Every meal was prepared for them. They were never taught that cooking is a basic life skill, not a special talent.

Here's what happens: they end up spending enormous amounts on delivery food, or they're dependent on a partner to feed them, or they survive on processed convenience foods that tank their energy and health.

The inability to prepare food for yourself is learned helplessness. And it usually comes from parents who either did everything or treated cooking like it was too complicated for their child to handle.

3) Making their own medical appointments and advocating for their health

This one surprises people, but I've met more 30-year-olds than you'd expect who still have their parents schedule their doctor visits.

People who were coddled often have parents who handled all medical interactions for them well into adulthood. They never learned to describe their symptoms, research their options, or challenge a doctor's assessment.

This creates a dangerous dependence. What happens in an emergency when your parents aren't available? What happens when you need to make medical decisions quickly?

Healthcare navigation is complicated and often frustrating. But by 30, you should be able to schedule appointments, show up on time, communicate clearly with providers, and follow through on treatment plans without parental involvement.

If you can't, it's usually because you were never given the chance to practice these skills. Someone always did it for you.

4) Having difficult conversations without avoiding or melting down

Can you tell a roommate they need to clean up after themselves? Can you address a problem with a friend without ghosting them? Can you disagree with someone without it becoming a crisis?

I spent years avoiding tough conversations. In my twenties, I'd rather ghost a friend than tell them they'd hurt my feelings. I'd let resentment build rather than speak up about a boundary violation.

It took couples therapy with Marcus to learn that difficult conversations are a necessary part of adult relationships. And looking back, I can see how my parents' approach contributed to my avoidance. They handled conflicts for me instead of teaching me how to handle them myself.

People who were coddled often have parents who intervened in every social difficulty. Someone was mean to them at school? Mom called the teacher. They had a disagreement with a friend? Dad smoothed things over. They never learned that conflict is normal and manageable.

By 30, you should be able to sit with discomfort, express your needs clearly, and work through disagreements without falling apart or shutting down completely.

If someone reaches 30 and still can't have these conversations, they likely never had to. Someone always fought their battles for them.

5) Solving practical problems without immediately calling for help

Something breaks. A situation arises. A decision needs to be made. What's your first instinct?

If it's always to call your parents before trying to figure it out yourself, that's a red flag.

When I experienced burnout at 36, I had to work through it largely on my own. Yes, I went to therapy. Yes, I had support. But ultimately, I had to make the difficult decisions about my life and career without someone telling me what to do.

I've met people in their thirties who still call their parents for every minor inconvenience. The toilet's clogged. They don't know which insurance plan to choose. They can't figure out how to file their taxes. They need help deciding whether to take a job offer.

These aren't unreasonable things to ask advice about occasionally. But when it's the default response to every problem, it reveals something: they were never expected to develop problem-solving skills.

Coddling parents often rush in with solutions before their kids have a chance to struggle. And struggle is where we learn. When I almost dropped out of my MBA program twice due to exhaustion, I had to figure out how to push through. That taught me resilience that years of straight As never could.

6) Maintaining their living space at a functional level

I'm not talking about having a spotless home. I'm talking about basic cleanliness and organization that allows you to function.

Can you do your own laundry? Clean your bathroom? Wash your dishes? Keep your space tidy enough that you're not losing important documents or living in chaos?

People who reach 30 without these skills usually had parents who either did all the housework for them or cleaned up after them constantly. They never learned that maintaining your space is part of adult responsibility.

I grow vegetables and native plants in my backyard garden now, and keeping up with that plus my home took me years to balance. But I learned these skills gradually because I had to. My parents weren't going to come clean my first apartment.

When someone can't manage basic household tasks by 30, it creates problems in every area of life. They can't have people over because they're embarrassed by the mess. They waste money replacing things they've lost. They depend on partners or roommates to handle everything.

This isn't about being naturally tidy or organized. It's about being capable of maintaining a baseline level of functionality in your living environment.

Final thoughts

Here's what I want to be clear about: if you recognize yourself in any of these, it doesn't mean you're broken or hopeless.

I had to learn some of these skills later than I should have. And I'm still learning. I had to set boundaries with my parents about discussing my life choices well into my thirties. I had to confront their disappointment and realize I couldn't live for their approval.

The point isn't to blame your parents or beat yourself up for what you don't know. Coddling usually comes from love and a desire to protect. But it doesn't serve anyone in the long run.

If you're struggling with any of these basic tasks, the good news is that they're all learnable. You're not too old. It's not too late. But you do have to be willing to feel uncomfortable while you develop these skills.