Psychology says people who use these 7 phrases to describe themselves are happier than 95% of the population

Have you ever noticed how some people just seem to radiate happiness, no matter what life throws at them?

According to research from Sonja Lyubomirsky, a leading positive psychology researcher at UC Riverside, only about 10% of our happiness comes from external circumstances. The remaining 90% is determined by our genetics and, more importantly, our intentional activities and mindset. And one of the most powerful tools we have for shaping that mindset? The language we use to describe ourselves.

After years of studying happiness and filling notebook after notebook with observations about what makes people thrive, I've discovered something fascinating. The happiest people I know all share a common trait: they describe themselves using specific phrases that reflect growth, resilience, and self-compassion.

Let's explore the seven phrases that psychology tells us are used by people who are genuinely happier than 95% of the population.

1. "I'm learning to..."

When I left my six-figure finance job at 37, I could have said "I'm terrible at writing" or "I don't know how to be an entrepreneur." Instead, I started saying "I'm learning to be a writer."

See the difference?

People who frame their journey as a learning process experience what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a "growth mindset." Her research at Stanford shows that individuals who view their abilities as changeable rather than fixed report higher levels of life satisfaction and resilience. When you say "I'm learning to manage my anxiety" instead of "I'm an anxious person," you're acknowledging that you're a work in progress, and that's incredibly liberating.

The happiest people understand that expertise isn't the goal; growth is. They're comfortable being beginners because they know that's where all the magic happens.

2. "I choose to prioritize..."

This phrase changed everything for me when I discovered it during therapy after my burnout at 36.

Instead of saying "I have to work late" or "I can't make it to dinner," the happiest people say things like "I choose to prioritize this project right now" or "I'm choosing to focus on rest tonight."

Why does this matter so much? Because it puts you back in the driver's seat of your own life. You're not a victim of circumstances; you're making conscious decisions based on your values and needs. Even when faced with obligations, framing them as choices reminds you that you have agency in your life.

Every morning before my trail run, I tell myself, "I choose to prioritize my mental health today." It's not that I have to run. I'm making a choice that aligns with what matters most to me.

3. "I'm someone who values..."

Happy people don't just talk about what they do; they talk about what they value.

Instead of "I'm a vegan," I say "I'm someone who values compassion for all living beings." Instead of "I volunteer," it becomes "I'm someone who values community connection."

This subtle shift does something powerful: it connects your actions to your deeper purpose.

When you describe yourself through your values rather than just your behaviors, you're less likely to feel lost when circumstances change. Your job might evolve, your hobbies might shift, but your values remain a steady compass.

4. "I'm grateful for..."

I'll be honest: when someone first suggested I keep a gratitude journal, I rolled my eyes so hard I'm surprised they didn't fall out of my head.

But here's what changed my mind: research by Robert Emmons at UC Davis shows that people who regularly express gratitude experience a 25% increase in overall happiness. Not only that, but they sleep better, have stronger immune systems, and report more satisfying relationships.

Now, every evening, I write down three things I'm grateful for. Some days it's big stuff like "I'm grateful for the freedom to pursue writing." Other days it's small: "I'm grateful for the perfect temperature on this morning's run."

The happiest people don't wait for Thanksgiving to express gratitude. They weave it into how they describe their daily experiences and themselves.

5. "I've grown from..."

Think about the last time something difficult happened to you. How did you describe it?

The happiest people have a unique way of talking about challenges. Instead of "That relationship destroyed me," they say "I've grown from that difficult relationship." Instead of "My burnout ruined my career," they say "I've grown from experiencing burnout."

This isn't toxic positivity or pretending bad things didn't hurt. It's what psychologists call "benefit finding" or "post-traumatic growth." By acknowledging both the difficulty and the growth, you're integrating the experience into your life story in a way that empowers rather than diminishes you.

6. "I'm working on becoming..."

Happy people talk about their future selves with excitement and intention, not dread or resignation.

"I'm working on becoming more patient with myself."
"I'm working on becoming someone who sets better boundaries."
"I'm working on becoming more present in my relationships."

This phrase acknowledges that you're not perfect (spoiler alert: no one is), but you're actively engaged in your own development. It's hopeful without being unrealistic, ambitious without being self-critical.

Since I started journaling at 36, I've filled 47 notebooks with reflections about who I'm becoming. Each entry is a small step toward the person I want to be, and framing it as "working on becoming" makes the journey feel like an adventure rather than a chore.

7. "I trust myself to..."

This might be the most powerful phrase of all.

"I trust myself to make good decisions."
"I trust myself to handle whatever comes next."
"I trust myself to know what I need."

When you express self-trust, you're not saying you'll never make mistakes. You're saying you believe in your ability to navigate life, mistakes and all.

When I made the terrifying decision to leave finance for writing, what got me through wasn't confidence that everything would work out perfectly. It was trust that I could handle whatever happened next.

Final thoughts

The language we use to describe ourselves isn't just words; it's the story we're telling about who we are and who we're becoming.

If you want to join that top 5% of genuinely happy people, start paying attention to how you talk about yourself. Are you using language that empowers or diminishes you? Are you acknowledging your growth, your choices, your values?

You don't have to overhaul your entire vocabulary overnight. Pick one phrase that resonates with you and start there. Maybe tomorrow morning, instead of "I have to go to work," you'll say "I'm choosing to prioritize my career today." Maybe instead of "I'm bad at relationships," you'll try "I'm learning to be a better partner."

Remember, happiness isn't about having a perfect life. It's about how you frame the imperfect, messy, beautiful life you're already living. And that framing starts with the words you choose to describe yourself.

What phrase will you start using today?