If you’ve ever watched someone turn every story into something about them, you’ve probably witnessed these 7 hidden personality traits

We've all been there. You're at a dinner party, sharing a funny story about your recent vacation mishap, when that one friend jumps in: "Oh, that reminds me of when I went to Thailand and..." Suddenly, your story vanishes into thin air, replaced by their elaborate tale.

Or maybe you're confiding in a colleague about a tough situation with your teenager, and before you can finish, they're launching into their own parenting struggles, completely hijacking the conversation.

If this sounds familiar, you've likely encountered someone with what psychologists call "conversational narcissism." While we all have moments where we get excited and overshare, some people consistently steer every discussion back to themselves.

And here's what I've learned: this behavior often reveals deeper personality traits that go beyond just being chatty or enthusiastic.

After years of observing these patterns in both professional settings and personal relationships, I've identified seven hidden traits that often drive this behavior. Understanding them might help you navigate these relationships better, or perhaps recognize some of these tendencies in yourself.

1. An overwhelming need for validation

Have you ever noticed how some people can't just listen to your promotion news without immediately mentioning their own career achievements? This constant one-upmanship often stems from a deep-seated need for validation.

These individuals aren't necessarily trying to diminish your experiences. Instead, they're desperately seeking reassurance that they matter, that their experiences are valuable, that they're worthy of attention. Every conversation becomes an opportunity to prove their worth.

I once had a friend who would interrupt my stories about trail running injuries with tales of her own athletic mishaps. At first, I thought she was just trying to relate. But after ending that friendship for various reasons, including this exhausting pattern, I realized she was actually terrified of being seen as less interesting or accomplished. Her interruptions were her way of saying, "Please see me too."

The irony? This behavior often pushes people away, creating the very rejection they fear.

2. Poor emotional regulation

Some conversation hijackers simply can't contain their emotions or impulses. When something you say triggers a memory or feeling in them, they burst with the need to express it immediately.

Think about it like emotional overflow. These people haven't developed the ability to hold their thoughts and wait for appropriate moments to share. Every emotion feels urgent, every memory feels crucial to share right now.

Working as a financial analyst taught me the value of timing in communication. Numbers had their moment, analysis had its place. But I've met countless people who treat conversations like data dumps, unable to regulate when and how much they share. They're not being malicious; they literally cannot hold back the flood of their own experiences when something resonates with them.

3. Underdeveloped empathy skills

Here's something that took me years to understand: some people genuinely don't realize they're monopolizing conversations because they struggle with perspective-taking.

Empathy isn't just about feeling for others; it's about recognizing when someone needs to be heard. These individuals often miss social cues that signal when to listen versus when to share. They don't notice the disappointed look when they interrupt, or the way people's energy deflates when their story gets hijacked.

After experiencing burnout at 36 and going through therapy, I learned how crucial it is to read the room. My therapist helped me see that I used to be the friend who immediately problem-solved everything instead of just listening. That analytical brain of mine would kick in, and suddenly I was sharing my own solutions and experiences instead of holding space for others. Sound familiar?

4. Deep-rooted insecurity

Beneath the surface of many conversation dominators lies profound insecurity. They turn everything into a story about themselves because they're constantly trying to prove they belong, that they're interesting enough, successful enough, or experienced enough.

Redirecting conversations to themselves is one way they try to boost their sense of self-worth.

I've watched this play out in networking events where someone will hear about your recent project and immediately pivot to their bigger, better, more challenging project. They're not necessarily trying to compete; they're trying to convince themselves and others that they measure up.

5. Anxiety about silence or irrelevance

Some people hijack conversations because silence terrifies them. Any pause, any moment where they're not contributing, feels like they're becoming invisible or irrelevant.

This anxiety drives them to fill every gap with their own stories, even when those stories aren't particularly relevant. They'd rather monopolize the conversation than risk being forgotten or overlooked.

I've noticed this especially in group settings. Watch how certain people panic when the spotlight moves away from them. They'll find any thread, any connection, no matter how tenuous, to pull attention back. "Speaking of dogs, my neighbor's cousin actually breeds puppies..." And off they go.

6. Lack of self-awareness

Perhaps the most significant trait is simply not recognizing their own behavior. Many conversation hijackers have no idea they're doing it.

They genuinely believe they're being helpful by relating their experiences. They think they're building connection through shared stories. Without self-awareness, they can't see the pattern of constantly redirecting focus to themselves.

This lack of awareness often stems from never receiving honest feedback. People usually just endure or avoid these individuals rather than kindly pointing out the pattern. So the behavior continues, unchecked and unexamined.

7. Unresolved need for control

Finally, some people steer conversations toward themselves as a way to maintain control. When they're talking about their experiences, they're in charge of the narrative. They know the story, they control the details, they decide where it goes.

Letting others have the floor means surrendering control, sitting with uncertainty, not knowing where the conversation might lead. For people who struggle with control issues, this can feel deeply uncomfortable.

Through therapy, I discovered that my own tendencies to analyze and problem-solve were actually about control. If I could turn someone's problem into something I could dissect and solve, I felt more secure. Learning to just listen, to let others own their stories without my input, was surprisingly difficult.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these traits doesn't mean we should write off conversation hijackers entirely. Often, these behaviors stem from unmet needs or unhealed wounds. Understanding the why behind the behavior can help us respond with more patience and set appropriate boundaries.

If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, don't despair. Awareness is the first step toward change. Start by practicing active listening, ask follow-up questions about others' stories before sharing your own, and notice when you feel the urge to redirect conversations.

And if you're dealing with someone who exhibits these traits? Set gentle boundaries. Finish your story even when interrupted. Say things like, "I'd love to hear about that, but first let me finish this thought."

Remember, being right matters less than being kind. But being kind doesn't mean letting yourself disappear in every conversation. We all deserve to be heard, and sometimes that means teaching others how to listen.