The spark of genuine excitement you once felt isn't gone forever—it's just buried beneath seven seemingly innocent habits that have quietly stolen your joy without you even realizing it.
When was the last time you felt that spark of genuine excitement about something? I mean that butterfly-in-your-stomach, can't-wait-to-wake-up-tomorrow kind of feeling. If you're struggling to recall, you're reading the right article.
I remember sitting in my therapist's office at 36, completely burned out, trying to answer that exact question. The silence stretched uncomfortably long. Sure, I could name things that made me content or satisfied, but genuine excitement? That felt like something from a different lifetime.
What I discovered through that journey was that certain habits I'd picked up along the way were essentially suffocating my ability to feel excited about life. They were like wet blankets thrown over every potentially thrilling moment. And here's what surprised me most: these weren't obviously negative habits. Many of them looked productive or responsible on the surface.
If excitement feels like a distant memory for you too, it might be time to examine these seven joy-stealing habits.
1. Living your life through other people's highlight reels
How much time do you spend scrolling through social media, watching everyone else's adventures, achievements, and perfect moments? I used to wake up and immediately reach for my phone, starting each day by comparing my regular morning to everyone else's curated best moments.
This habit doesn't just waste time. It trains your brain to believe that excitement happens to other people, not to you. You become a spectator in your own life, watching from the sidelines while everyone else seems to be having all the fun.
I started taking regular digital detox weekends, and the change was remarkable. Without the constant comparison, I began noticing opportunities for excitement in my own life. That local hiking trail I'd driven past a hundred times? Suddenly it looked inviting. The pottery class at the community center? Why not give it a try?
When you stop watching everyone else's excitement, you create space for your own.
2. Saying yes when you mean no
This one took me years to recognize. I thought being agreeable and helpful would make life smoother, but instead, it filled my schedule with obligations that drained my energy for things I actually wanted to do.
Every time you say yes to something that doesn't align with your values or interests, you're saying no to something that might genuinely excite you. That networking event you feel obligated to attend? It's taking the place of the art class you've been wanting to try. The favor you agreed to do for your neighbor? There goes your Saturday morning hike.
Psychology researcher Dr. Vanessa Bohns notes that we consistently overestimate how uncomfortable others will feel if we say no to their requests. The reality? Most people quickly move on and find alternative solutions.
Start practicing the pause. When someone asks you to do something, try responding with "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." This gives you time to consider whether this commitment will add to or subtract from your excitement about life.
3. Treating rest like it's the enemy
For years, I believed that rest was laziness and productivity was virtue. Every moment needed to be optimized, every hour accounted for. Weekends were for catching up on work, evenings for side projects. Sound familiar?
But here's what constant productivity actually does: it numbs you. When you're always in go-mode, your brain doesn't have the bandwidth to feel excited about anything. Everything becomes just another task to check off the list.
Excitement requires energy, and energy requires rest. Think about children. They're excitement machines precisely because they rest when they need to. They don't push through exhaustion for the sake of being productive.
When I finally started honoring my need for rest, something unexpected happened. Ideas started flowing again. Activities that had felt like chores became interesting. I actually looked forward to things instead of just getting through them.
4. Waiting for the "right time" to start living
"When I lose weight, then I'll take that dance class."
"Once I get promoted, then I'll plan that trip."
"After the kids are older, then I'll pursue my hobbies."
Recognize any of these? The "waiting for perfect conditions" habit is perhaps the most insidious excitement killer because it disguises itself as being responsible or realistic.
At 37, I made the difficult decision to leave my six-figure salary to pursue writing full-time. Everyone thought I was crazy. The timing wasn't perfect. My savings account wasn't as robust as I'd planned. The economy was uncertain.
But you know what? There's never a perfect time. While you're waiting for all the stars to align, life is happening right now. The excitement you're postponing? You might never get to experience it.
Start where you are. Take the imperfect action. Sign up for the class even if you're not in perfect shape. Book the trip even if your budget is tight. The excitement comes from doing, not from waiting.
5. Overthinking every decision
Analysis paralysis is real, and it's a massive excitement killer. When you spend hours researching the "best" restaurant for dinner, comparing every review and menu item, you drain all the spontaneous joy from the experience.
I used to research everything to death. Buying a new pair of running shoes required reading dozens of reviews, comparing prices across multiple sites, and asking every runner I knew for their opinion. By the time I made a decision, I was too mentally exhausted to feel excited about the purchase.
Not every decision needs to be optimal. In fact, research by psychologist Barry Schwartz shows that people who aim for "good enough" rather than "the best" tend to be happier with their choices.
Try this: for smaller decisions, set a time limit. Give yourself 10 minutes to choose a restaurant, 15 minutes to pick a movie. The excitement often comes from the experience itself, not from making the perfect choice.
6. Holding onto relationships that drain you
We all have them. Those friends who only call when they need something. Family members who criticize every choice you make. Colleagues who dump their negativity on you daily.
These energy vampires don't just make you tired. They actively steal your capacity for excitement. When you're constantly managing someone else's drama or defending your choices, there's no emotional space left for enthusiasm.
Setting boundaries with draining people isn't selfish. It's necessary for your well-being. You don't have to cut everyone off dramatically, but you do need to limit your exposure to people who consistently bring you down.
When I started protecting my energy from draining relationships, I noticed my excitement for social activities returned. Suddenly, meeting new people felt interesting again instead of exhausting.
7. Needing to control every outcome
This habit hit close to home for me. Through therapy, I discovered that my need for control stemmed from childhood anxiety about my parents' approval. If I could control everything, I could ensure success and avoid disappointment.
But here's the paradox: the tighter you grip control, the less room there is for excitement. Excitement often comes from the unexpected, the surprising, the unplanned moments that catch you off guard in the best way.
When you need to control every outcome, you close yourself off to possibilities you couldn't have imagined. That wrong turn that leads to an amazing coffee shop. The cancelled plans that open up space for a spontaneous adventure. The project failure that redirects you toward your true passion.
Learning to loosen your grip on control is like learning to swim. At first, letting go feels like drowning. But once you trust the process, you discover a freedom and flow that rigid control could never provide.
Final thoughts
If you've made it this far and recognized yourself in these habits, take heart. Awareness is the first step toward change. You don't have to tackle all seven at once. Pick one that resonates most strongly and start there.
Remember, excitement isn't just for kids or naturally enthusiastic people. It's available to all of us, but sometimes we need to clear away the habits that block our access to it.
Life is too short to go through the motions without feeling that spark of genuine excitement. You deserve to wake up looking forward to your day, to have things on your calendar that make you smile, to feel that buzz of anticipation for what's coming next.
The excited version of you is still in there, waiting. Maybe it's time to let them out.
