From culture shock to identity crises, these raw confessions reveal the hidden emotional toll that Instagram stories and travel blogs never mention about starting over in a foreign country.
Moving abroad sounds like a dream, doesn't it? The adventure, the fresh start, the Instagram-worthy moments. But behind those sunset photos and "living my best life" captions, there's a whole world of unexpected challenges that nobody really talks about.
I recently connected with 50 people who took the leap and moved to different countries. Some went for work, others for love, and a few just needed a complete change of scenery. When I asked them what caught them completely off guard, the same themes kept popping up. Not the obvious stuff like language barriers or finding an apartment, but the deeper, more personal challenges that hit them weeks or months after the honeymoon phase wore off.
If you're thinking about making the move yourself, or you've recently landed in a new country and feel like you're the only one struggling, trust me, you're not alone. These eight surprises came up again and again in my conversations.
1. The exhaustion of constantly translating yourself
Even if you speak the language fluently, you're constantly translating more than just words. You're translating your humor, your personality, your entire identity into a new cultural context. One person told me, "I felt like I was performing a watered-down version of myself for the first year."
Think about it. That sarcastic comment that would get laughs back home? It might fall completely flat or even offend someone in your new country. Your direct communication style might suddenly seem rude, or your polite indirectness might come across as dishonest.
This mental gymnastics is exhausting. You're essentially relearning how to be yourself in a completely different framework. Several people mentioned feeling like they'd lost their personality for a while, only to realize they were just figuring out how to express it in a new cultural language.
2. Your support system doesn't travel with you
You know that friend you'd call after a terrible day? The one who'd show up with ice cream and terrible movies? They're now several time zones away, probably asleep when you need them most.
Building a new support network takes time, way more time than you'd expect. One woman shared how she burst into tears at a grocery store six months after moving because she couldn't find her favorite comfort food and had no one to laugh about it with.
Video calls help, but they're not the same as having someone physically there. You can't grab coffee spontaneously or get a hug when you need one. The loneliness can be crushing, especially during those first few months when you're navigating everything alone.
3. You become a permanent outsider
Here's something nobody warns you about: you might never fully belong anywhere again. When you're in your new country, you're the foreigner. When you visit home, you've changed so much that you don't quite fit there either.
Multiple people described this strange limbo. "I'm too American for France, but too French for America now," one person explained. You start seeing your home country's flaws more clearly, but you also understand why certain things in your new country will never make sense to you.
This perpetual outsider status can be liberating for some, but for others, it creates a deep sense of rootlessness that they never anticipated.
4. Simple tasks become mental marathons
Remember when you could run errands on autopilot? When moving abroad, forget about it. Every single task requires mental energy.
Setting up a bank account becomes a three-week saga. Getting your hair cut involves miming what you want and praying for the best. Even buying the right laundry detergent feels like solving a puzzle.
"I once spent 45 minutes in a pharmacy trying to find ibuprofen," someone told me. "I nearly cried from frustration. Back home, this would have taken me 30 seconds."
The mental load of constantly figuring things out is real. Your brain is working overtime all day, every day, which explains why so many expats mentioned being utterly exhausted for the first few months despite not doing anything particularly strenuous.
5. Your career identity might crumble
I understand this one personally. When I left my finance career to pursue writing, I at least had control over that decision. But many people who move abroad find their professional identity stripped away without warning.
Your impressive degree might mean nothing. Your professional network is useless. Your years of experience might not translate to the local job market. One person with a PhD found herself working in a coffee shop for a year because her qualifications weren't recognized.
This forced career reset can trigger an identity crisis. Who are you without your professional achievements? It's a question that catches people completely off guard.
6. The guilt is real and unexpected
Nobody talks about the guilt. Guilt for missing family events. Guilt for not being there when your parents get older. Guilt for choosing your adventure over being present for the people you love.
"My dad had surgery, and I couldn't afford to fly back," one person shared. "The guilt ate me alive for months."
Then there's survivor's guilt. You're living this exciting international life while your friends back home are dealing with their regular struggles. Sharing your adventures feels like bragging, but not sharing feels like hiding a huge part of your life.
7. Your relationship with "home" gets complicated
Home stops being a place and becomes a feeling you're constantly chasing. Is home where you're from? Where you live now? Where your family is?
People mentioned how visiting their birthplace became increasingly strange. Friends have moved on, your favorite restaurants have closed, the city has changed. You're visiting a memory that no longer exists.
Meanwhile, your new country might feel familiar but never quite like home. You're caught between two worlds, and the question "Where are you from?" becomes surprisingly complex to answer.
8. The person you become might surprise you
This one caught almost everyone off guard, but in different ways. Moving abroad changes you fundamentally. You might discover you're braver than you thought, or more anxious. You might become more patient or less tolerant of certain behaviors.
"I became someone who could navigate any city's public transport but couldn't small talk at parties anymore," someone reflected. Another person realized they'd become incredibly adaptable but also lost some of their ambition.
These personality shifts aren't good or bad, they're just unexpected. You think you're moving locations, but you're actually transforming as a person.
Final thoughts
Reading through these challenges might seem overwhelming, and honestly, that's exactly how many people feel during their first year abroad. But here's what's interesting: despite all these unexpected difficulties, only two out of the 50 people I spoke with regretted their decision.
The growth that comes from navigating these challenges is profound. You develop resilience you didn't know you had. You learn to find joy in small victories, like successfully navigating a government office or making your first real friend.
If you're considering the leap, go in with your eyes open. Expect the unexpected. Know that feeling lost, lonely, and frustrated is part of the journey, not a sign that you've made a mistake.
And if you're already abroad and struggling with any of these challenges, take comfort in knowing you're experiencing something that countless others have faced. You're not failing at expat life; you're just living it, in all its messy, complicated, transformative glory.
